I'll Most Likely Kill You In The Morning
by Kelley and Shelley
Summary: **REPOST: NOTHING NEW REALLY**What's one way to annoy Angel? Ask Spike and Xander. The Slayer is resurrected. Everyone goes to L.A. Wackiness ensues. Exact opposite of season six. NOT SLASH! NOW COMPLETE!!!!!!
1. It's Not What You Think

Buffy, Willow, and Xander walked onto the stage and stopped. Spike was already standing there, muttering something about needing a cigarette. He looked up at the Scoobies that had just entered the room. They walked over next to him, all looking at each other nervously.  
  
"Why are we here again?" Spike asked.  
  
"Giles called," Buffy said. "Said he found something important in one of his dusty old books."  
  
"But why here?" Willow whined. She looked around. "We're on a stage and there are people sitting in the audience. Oh goddess. It's another nightmare!"  
  
Xander chuckled. "Wills, calm down. We're all awake and this isn't really a nightmare."  
  
"Quiet on the set!" a voice boomed.  
  
All four figures on the stage looked around, trying to figure out where the voice came from.  
  
"Bloody hell. That's the same pillock who told me that smoking is prohibited and then proceeded to show me the nearest fire exits."  
  
Angel and Cordelia suddenly rushed to the stage.  
  
"Did we make it on time?" Cordelia asked breathlessly.  
  
"I think so," Angel replied.  
  
"What's going on?" Xander wondered.  
  
"Cordy had a.vision," Angel commented dramatically.  
  
Buffy raised an eyebrow. "About what?"  
  
"A vision," Angel replied matter-of-factly.  
  
"Huh?" Willow wrinkled her forehead in confusion.  
  
"I had a vision about a vision and it's supposed to be here," Cordelia stated, annoyed.  
  
"This is only making less sense the more you talk, mate," Spike quipped.  
  
"Dammit, Spike!" Angel growled. "That's not part of the script." He pulled out his script. "Your line is 'What could that be about?'"  
  
Spike snorted. "What a poofy line!" He paused. "Wait." He furrowed his brow. "We have scripts? What the hell is going on?"  
  
Giles finally runs to the stage. He stopped to catch his breath. Everyone turned to look at him. "My word. I thought I wasn't going to make it on time!"  
  
"On - on time for what, Giles?" Willow asked.  
  
"The prophecy! The prophecy! The prophecy!" Giles screamed.  
  
"Calm down, Ripper. What bleedin' prophecy are you referring to there?" Spike tapped his foot.  
  
Giles was shocked. "Uh - uh, you KNOW. The prophecy! The." he sighed, "Did you not read the script?"  
  
"Did everyone get a bloody script except for me?" Spike yelled.  
  
Buffy, Willow, and Xander all shook their heads. "I didn't get one. Neither did Willow and Xander."  
  
"Ok, this is getting really weird. Hopefully, it won't get any weirder."  
  
Willow and Buffy glared at Xander, knowing they were just jinxed. Suddenly, the theme from "Scooby Doo" began to play. Xander smacked his forehead. "Dammit! Spoke too soon!"  
  
"CUT!" The person behind the voice ran onstage. "Ok people! Focus!" He turned to the scriptless wonders. "What is wrong with you?" He pointed at Spike. "NO SMOKING! Get over your attitude."  
  
Buffy gasped. Xander flinched. Willow fainted. Spike growled and grabbed the man by the neck. "Just who do you think you are?"  
  
"Spike, put him down!" Giles screamed. "Put him down right now! That's not in the script! Plus, he'll fire you!"  
  
Spike mumbled in frustration and set the man down. "Fire me from what? What is going on here? Is this a sick joke? Why are we here?"  
  
"Because of the prophecy," the man replied.  
  
"What of it?" Spike asked annoyed.  
  
"If you don't do what you are supposed to do, you will all surely perish!" the man stammered.  
  
"Another apocalypse?" Xander asked.  
  
"N - not quite," Giles responded.  
  
"Will someone tell me what the hell is going on here? I'm getting really pissy," Buffy muttered loudly.  
  
Cordelia dramatically screamed. "Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" She fell to the floor.  
  
Angel gasped. "Cordy!" He looks up at everyone. "We must do something! Time is of the - the.essence." He frowned. "Line! No.wait! Never mind." He suddenly becomes angsty Angel. "Buffy! We must begin the prophecy now! Cordy is suffering! These visions are a real bother! Oh spite!"  
  
Buffy looked at Willow, confused, and mouthed "Oh spite?" She looked back at Angel, who had begun brooding. "Uh - uh, Giles!" She searched for the words that might be on the "script" she had yet to see. "Quick! Um, bring the book.over now! We need to.fix.this.problem.now? Yeah, now!"  
  
"Yeah! Yeah! That sounds like a good plan, luv!"  
  
Giles opened the book. "Buffy, everyone must recite these words at the same time."  
  
Buffy looked at the book. After reading the words, she looked at Giles incredulously. "That's it?"  
  
"Wh - why yes. But everyone must say them. It is the only way."  
  
"Well, ok. Guys, come look at this!" She waved Willow and Xander over.  
  
Xander and Willow looked over the page, then looked again. Xander snickered. "You have got to be kidding!"  
  
Angel dramatically interrupted. "Xander! You must! It's just the way things are!"  
  
"Ok, find. Whatever. I'll do it. You in, Willow?" Willow nodded.  
  
Giles looked over at Spike. "Spike?"  
  
Spike went over to look at the book. He snorted. "Hell no! No one is staking claim on me!"  
  
Buffy elbowed Spike. "It's the only way, Spike!"  
  
"But, but." He received a threatening glance from Buffy. "Oh fine. I'm turning into such a Poofter. Do Peaches and the May Queen have to recite this as well?"  
  
Giles nodded. "We all do. Some of us actually took the time to memorize our scripts though. You'll just have to look at the book."  
  
The four unprepared Scoobies rolled their eyes.  
  
The man clapped his hands once. "Ok, is everyone ready?"  
  
They all nod and look at each other. On the count of three, they began to recite.  
  
We, the inhabitants of Sunnydale and L.A. / Have all met onstage today;  
  
We all agree as the cast of "Angel" and "Buffy" / That we as characters belong to Joss Wheedon and Mutant Enemy;  
  
The authors of this story beg of you / Please do not sue;  
  
For they are poor college students with a vision / And writing a neat Buffy story is their mission;  
  
They want to give credit where credit is due/ and their idea from their brains is new.  
  
After all was said and done, the man applauded. "Great job, guys!"  
  
"And they think I'm a bloody awful poet?!?!" Spike cried.  
  
Angel smiled. "Thanks, Joss! Can we go now?"  
  
Joss nodded. "Yes. That's all I needed."  
  
Spike mumbled. "I can't believe I'm property!"  
  
Xander, Willow, and Buffy leave, followed by Spike.  
  
"Is that good enough Joss?" We, the authors, ask hopefully.  
  
"Yes, just as long as everyone knows these characters don't belong to you," Joss replied.  
  
We bowed to the Almighty Joss. "Yes, yes Almighty Joss! Thank you!"  
  
Everyone left. Now the story can finally begin. 


	2. Betrayal & Bar Brawls

Part I  
  
"Slayer!" Spike awoke with a start. He blinked a few times, momentarily disoriented. "What was that all about?" he wondered aloud.  
  
For the past one hundred forty seven days, his dream was a constant. Well, it was more of an unwanted memory that consistently replayed in his head while he dreamed, and it always ended the same way; Buffy's bruised and broken body sprawled lifelessly on the ground. The dream plagued his mind day and night, never allowing him a moment's peace. Only, this time, the dream had been different. So completely different, in fact, that Spike found himself climbing out of his bed. He grabbed his duster, and raced out the door of his crypt. He wasn't exactly sure himself why he was going there.  
  
"It was just a dream you stupid git!" he yelled to no one in particular. Once he reached his destination, he slowed his pace down, narrowing his eyes and chiding himself for acting this way. A few feet ahead of him, it was in plain view.  
  
Buffy Summers  
  
1981-2001  
  
Spike walked towards the grave nervously and looked down. "Bloody hell!" He dropped to his knees to get a closer look and mumbled a curse under his breath. It was empty. He stared with a wide-eyed look of amazement. Was his dream accurate? Was this really happening? "The Slayer is alive?!" He looked around the cemetery, trying to figure out what to do next. He began to head towards one direction, stopped himself, and ran to the one place he could think of. "Find the Nibblet," he said to himself.  
  
  
  
Dawn picked up the telephone and dialed as quickly as she could. She twirled the phone cord around her finger anxiously while she waited. Too deep in thought, she jumped when she heard the voice on the other end. She took a deep breath.  
  
"Giles? It's Dawn."  
  
Pause.  
  
"Oh, I - I'm fine. Well, ok, maybe not fine. More like.uh, confused."  
  
Pause.  
  
She took another deep breath and finally managed to get out what she was trying to say. "Buffy's.alive!" Ok, so maybe that wasn't quite the way she wanted to tell Giles, but she forgot what she had rehearsed with herself for the past half hour.  
  
Pause.  
  
"I'm pretty sure she's alive. I don't think she's of the undead cuz she didn't seem interested in drinking blood or tearing my head off or anything."  
  
Pause.  
  
"Oh! She's upstairs right now."  
  
Pause. She bit her lip as her eyes kept steering in the direction of the stairs. She heard a thump on the other end of the phone.  
  
"Giles?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Hello? Giles, ya still there?"  
  
Pause.  
  
"Oh, you, heh, dropped the phone. I get it. I was kinda worried."  
  
Pause.  
  
"Yes, I'm quite sure she's alive, Giles!"  
  
Pause.  
  
"Well, she's a bit out of it right now, but she seems to be doing fine.I guess."  
  
Pause.  
  
"Giles, I think she needs you right now. Actually, I would feel better if you were here too. It's just that I don't know why she is back and I."  
  
Pause.  
  
"Oh. So you're coming? Thank you, Giles. This really means a lot."  
  
Pause.  
  
"Ok. I'll see you then. Bye."  
  
Dawn hung up the phone. She looked up and frowned. "I really hope you're ok, Buffy," she whispered to herself.  
  
Unknown to her, Spike had heard the entire conversation. The vampire angrily stomped away from the house, and headed back towards his crypt.  
  
  
  
After what seemed like endless hours, Giles landed safely in Sunnydale. He stood up and stretched his legs. The flight itself had been incredibly boring, doing nothing to ease the feeling in the pit of his stomach. No matter what he did, time seemed to run incredibly slow.  
  
The movie they showed caused Giles to shake his head several times in disgust. Oh, what was it called? Some blonde girl, Kristy Swanson is what the credits said, beat up numerous bad guys with funny shaped ears and pointy teeth. He hadn't paid too close attention because it had just seemed all too childish.  
  
He attempted to sleep, but the kid behind him would not shut up. He shuddered. "Are we there yet, mum?" Too bad the kid wasn't a vampire because he would have been dust after the 15th time he asked the question. He walked off the airplane, got all his baggage, and walked out of the airport.  
  
"Back in good ole Sunnydale already," he said to himself. "Amazing, still looks the same it did when I left," he glanced at his watch, "not too long ago." He sighed which was followed by an abrupt yawn. He needed sleep, but he needed to ask some questions first. If Dawn was telling the truth, he wanted to get to the bottom of it since she didn't seem to know what was going on either.  
  
"Well, Ripper," he said to himself, "time to find out what is happening. This is the Hellmouth though." He hailed a taxi, and told the driver where to take him.  
  
  
  
Anya smiled. She felt great. She had the shop to herself now. She turned her head when she heard the Magic Shoppe door suddenly open, but didn't see who came in since she was in the back. She just assumed it was Xander.  
  
"Hey Xander! Wanna play with the money? Look-----what are YOU doing here?!?!?!" She glared and put her hands on her hips.  
  
Giles took off his glasses and rubbed them. "Well, I g-got a call from Dawn, and she asked me to come right back."  
  
"Well, everything is JUST FINE here! So you can go back to where you came from. Besides, I own it now! Why are you here anyway? Why did Dawn call you? Did she tell you I was doing a bad job with the shop? I'll just have you know that things are going fine!"  
  
"That's wonderful to know." Giles looked around the shop, then directly at Anya. "Buffy is alive. And for some reason, I bet you a-already knew that."  
  
Anya fidgeted for a moment "Don't start with me! I knew you did not trust me to run this shop! You didn't want to give it to me to begin with, did you?"  
  
"Anya." She cut him off. He sighed, then rolled his eyes, too tired from the trip back to really argue.  
  
"Don't get an attitude with me mister! Get out! This is my store now! You gave it to me. Remember? So don't even try to take it back!"  
  
"I'm not trying to!" Giles yelled back at her.  
  
A surprised Anya gasped, then took a step back before replying. "Then why are YOU here?  
  
Giles grabbed Anya's shoulders and shook her. "What on earth is going on around here? Why did I get a call from Dawn saying Buffy was alive? What did you do after I left?" He was noticeably shaken up.  
  
"We just.we just.dammit Giles! Don't get all upset. We.."  
  
"Do you know what you have done.could have possibly started? Did you even think about what could happen?"  
  
Anya shrugged Giles' hands off her shoulders. She looked at him and narrowed her eyes. She walked closer to him, till she was standing nose to nose with him. She attempted to glare menacingly, but for some reason she smiled instead. Then she pounced. Before Giles knew what was going on, Anya had him up against a bookshelf, kissing him like he had never seen her kiss Xander before. 'Life on the Hellmouth gets even weirder after I return,' he thought to himself.  
  
  
  
Spike paced back and forth in his crypt. He was restless. Hell, he was mad. Before he knew it, he was heading towards the popular Demon Bar. He was about to have a little fun.  
  
  
  
Xander opened the door to the Magic Shop, whistling a jaunty tune. He looked around, but did not see Anya anywhere. "Ahn?" He heard a noise in the back. "Anya?" He slowly walked towards the direction the noise was coming from. He gasped when he saw what was causing the commotion. "Oh my god! Anya?!?"  
  
Anya's head whipped around. She covered her mouth with her hand. Giles pushed Anya off him in a hurry.  
  
"Anya, what is going on?" Xander looked at her. He wasn't sure if this was some kind of joke. Maybe her inner vengeance demon was back. Maybe she was getting revenge on him for something he did. 'Did she want that last donut I ate?' he thought angrily.  
  
"Oh my gosh! Xander!" She ran to him to try to explain.  
  
Xander held out his hand to stop her. "Don't come any closer." He sighed, then frowned. He finally looked up at Anya again and blinked several times. "I really was in love with you, Anya." He sighed again. "You.you were my reason for being. I would die for you. I was so happy that I had found you." He began mumbling to more to himself than to Anya. "You weren't a praying mantis or a mummy." He chuckled. "Granted, you are a former demon, but at least you are human now. Every human is entitled to make mistakes, I guess. I just wish I had seen this coming. I should have known. You and Giles fight all the time." He shook his head. "I wish I could figure out what was wrong with me. I should have known that this was never meant to happen between us. Buffy rejected me, I didn't tell Willow my feelings in time, and there are all those other times women tried to kill me. Willow once told me I was doomed. I thought you would have been different, Anya. I really need to get off the Hellmouth. Do I have a sign on my forehead that says 'Loser' or am I destined to be 'Xander Harris: Bachelor for Life?' I think it must be bad karma or something." He was rambling now.  
  
"Xander, it wasn't anything you did. I never---"  
  
"I'm not finished yet! No, wait. I am finished. I can't take this anymore. I have to go." He quickly turned around and ran out of the shop. Anya looked at Giles who is still in total shock. She looked back toward the front, then back at Giles again. "Do you think he was really really mad at me.or just a little mad?" She pouted. "I just did something wrong. I guess this means no more sex from Xander, right?"  
  
Giles just stared at Anya and shook his head.  
  
  
  
"Hello all! Anyone up for a little.fun?" Spike smiled, changed to his game face, and proceeded to kick some demon ass.  
  
  
  
No sooner did Xander open the door when he found himself suddenly ducking out of the way of an oncoming chair. After the initial shock, he surveyed the area, and took in the scene. He noticed Spike messing up many a demon, and he looked as though he was enjoying himself. 'Must've found out about Buffy,' he thought. Spike looked at Xander and stopped for a second. Xander shrugged, grabbed a whiskey bottle, and hit the nearest demon on the head. "Take that!" Xander yelled triumphantly and wackiness ensued.  
  
  
  
Part II  
  
Willow sighed as she headed towards the Magic Shoppe. Tara had left to go study abroad.in L.A. of all places. Who studies abroad in L.A. anyway? She sighed again. This was not easy for her at all. She walked into the shop and began "borrowing" magic supplies. She turned when she heard a commotion in the back.  
  
"Anya? Xander? What is going on?" She walked to the back only to see Giles throwing books at Anya while Anya alternated between throwing them back and trying to stifle her sobs. "Oh my gosh! Giles! What are you doing to Anya?" Giles stopped throwing books and looked at Willow with a look that can only be described as.crazed.in his eyes. Willow summed it up rather quickly. "Giles, you're possessed!" She used her magic to throw Giles into the cage, and then locked him in there.  
  
"Willow! Let me out of here! I am not possessed!" Willow looked at Anya questioningly. Anya looked at Giles and then back at Willow. "Willow, I'm not joking! Let me out! This is all HER fault!"  
  
"Anya, is he possessed or did I miss something?"  
  
Anya bit her lip, then fessed up. She mumbled, "No he isn't possessed. Let him out."  
  
Willow unlocked the cage and let him out. "Someone please tell me, what is going on?" Anya looked around the room. Willow stared at Anya. Anya got annoyed and finally told Willow the truth.  
  
"Well, how can I put this? I.kissed.Giles? He kissed me back though! Didn't you Giles?"  
  
Willow's mouth dropped open in surprise. "You kissed Giles? What? How did you get from kissing to fighting then.oh boy!"  
  
"Well, we were fighting and it just kinda happened. Xander wasn't too happy when he walked in and saw what was happening. He ran out and I don't know where he went."  
  
"Xander saw what happened?!?!?!?!?!?!?! How could you do this to Xander? He loves you so much! What is wrong with you Anya?" Willow was fuming. Xander was her best friend and had been so for a very long time. She looked at Anya, then at Giles, then back at Anya. "I better go find him!" She ran out of the store, leaving Anya and Giles to their own problems.  
  
Part III  
  
Wreckage. Complete and total carnage. Broken tables, chairs, shattered bottles, peanut shells, body parts all over the place. Demons unconscious, dead, and dismembered strewn all over the floor. In the middle of all this chaos, Spike and Xander, both a little worse for wear, were slumped back-to- back on the floor.  
  
Xander sighed. "So, it's been a good day for you too?"  
  
"Why can't you bloody Scoobies leave well enough alone?" Spike tossed a random peanut shell across the room.  
  
"Hey, I tried, but I am everybody's butt monkey after all."  
  
After a moment of silence Spike turned slightly towards Xander. "What the hell are you doing here anyway? Isn't it time for your mid-afternoon shag with your demon gal?"  
  
"Apparently I wasn't invited today." Xander put on his finest British accent. "Her taste has run to the other side of the pond."  
  
"What are you talking about?" He spots a hand moving on its own and kills it with a whiskey bottle. "I've been killing demons all afternoon."  
  
"Not you, fangless! Giles!"  
  
"Oh, really? I knew ol' Ripper had it in him."  
  
"If I wasn't so depressed, I'd think of some witty comeback."  
  
Silence. The ceiling fan above continued to whir. Some demon's dismembered arm had managed to get stuck up there. Xander sniffled. Spike coughed then spoke. "So, this is really upsetting to you, isn't it?" Silence. "Bloody hell!" He gets a cigarette out and lights it "What is it with women? I remember catching Dru with that nasty Chaos Demon. Then of course, there was Angelus who she loved so very much."  
  
Xander thought for a moment. "I wonder what Dead Boy is up to right now."  
  
"Knowing him, the bloody pillock is probably hugging babies and saving the world once again while pre-pubescent girls swoon over the Mighty Poofter."  
  
Xander chuckled. Spike laughed. Xander and Spike laughed heartily, holding their sides in pain, for about five minutes. Laughter soon turned to sobs however, and the two men cried for awhile.  
  
Xander sniffled. "Those poor demons."  
  
"What?!?" Spike reached his hand behind him and felt Xander's forehead. "It feels like a human. Smells like a human." He sniffs. "Xander, has anyone ever spoken to you about the wonderful uses of soap and deodorant?"  
  
The arm fell from the fan with a thud. Spike and Xander stared at it for a moment.  
  
Xander sighed. "Anya used to constantly tell me about her demon days. Stupid demons."  
  
Spike shuddered.  
  
Xander continues. "Demons piss me off. So do women. Women are demons."  
  
"You're just now figuring that out, mate?"  
  
Xander waves him off and plunges on forward. "No, I think I'm on to something here! Look at the women in Sunnydale! The Hellmouth is a convergence point for crazy, man-hating females. No man or demon is safe from their wrath. They come in with their short skirts and perfect hair and turn us into whipped little sissy boys. None of us are safe! Their goal in life is to turn us into brooding, hair gel using pansies!"  
  
Spike touches his hair and a look of horror crosses his face. "I must be drunker than I thought. You're making sense."  
  
"We have to do something, Spike! We have to take our manhood back!"  
  
"I think you're right, mate."  
  
"You know, it's all Dead Boy's fault. He came into town all dark and mysterious, with his annoying ability to attract every human within a fifty mile radius."  
  
Spike imitates Angel. "I'm all caring and strong, yet sensitive to a woman's needs. I'm single, brooding, and available."  
  
Xander takes over imitating Angel as well. "Feel free to cry on my shoulder, take off my shirt, bend me to your will, and don't worry about me trying to get into your pants because (gasp), I'm cursed and cannot." Xander stops and looks up. "How can I compete with that?" He sighs. "Man, I need a drink."  
  
Spike picks up a broken bottle. "Too bad we've broken everything here. All this talk about the Poof has left a bad taste in my mouth."  
  
"This is the only place in Sunnydale that doesn't card me. Where can we go?"  
  
Spike smiled. "I've got an idea." He tossed his keys to Xander. "You drive." 


	3. A Poof By Any Other Name

**I understand there was some confusion with the last chapter because certain parts were not clearly separated. Hopefully, things will be easier to follow this time, if it works right.**  
  
DISCLAIMER: We own them. All of them. They are chained to our beds and do our wicked will. Ok, so we're pathological liars and their being chained to our bed is only in our head (although we are still working on making that come true). Yes, they belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, and whoever else is paid for them. Please don't sue us.  
  
Part IV  
  
Buffy wandered around the house while Dawn slept. She felt like a ghost. Dawn seemed to regard her as a ghost at least, and she felt pretty disoriented herself. She stood at the bottom of the stairs, squinting her eyes. Things just seemed so different. She slowly walked up the stairs. Apparently, Willow and Tara had decided to take up residence in her house, most likely for the good of Dawn. Still, the whole scenario was pretty strange in her opinion.  
  
Upon reaching the top of the stairs, she headed for Dawn's room. Her door was slightly ajar, so she peered in to look at her little sister. She blinked a few times, uncertain of what reality she was in. She'd seen her friends for a spare moment, but managed to get away before having to converse with them. It wasn't that she was mad at them. She could only assume they'd had good intentions. They probably believed they were being noble by pulling her from some horrible hell dimension. She would be truly grateful to them, except for the fact that she had been anything but miserable when she was dead.  
  
So, here she was now. Alive. In Sunnydale. On top of the Hellmouth. 'My life really sucks,' she thought to herself. She stared at her sister's sleeping figure for awhile longer, then walked away. She stopped right outside her bedroom door, staring inside. Nothing had changed. Her pictures were still up, her bed was made, it was clean. 'How long were they planning on doing this resurrection thingie?'  
  
She turned on the light and headed for her bed. Well, so much for a huge Welcome Back Buffy party or something. She sighed. Various keepsakes and stuffed animals filled her room. She picked up a black and white stuffed cow that she'd had for awhile. Funny, she didn't remember putting that collar on its neck. And the collar had a bell. She regarded the various other stuffed creatures that inhabited her room. This oddly reminded her of Drusilla and all of her dolls. Drusilla always carried around the one she referred to as Miss Edith. She was insane though. But now, Buffy was looking at the animals, and they were all staring back at her. 'Ok, that's freaky,' she mused.  
  
She studied her pile of animals for a moment, then looked around and frowned. She didn't feel right. At the moment, one question was plaguing her head. It wasn't How did I get back here? She knew the answer to that. It wasn't Why am I back here? Her friends wanted her back. No, this was the type of question that tackles a person at a random moment when they are completely baffled.  
  
She looked at her bed again and shook her head. Finally, she asked her unblinking friends. "Where is Mr. Gordo?"  
  
Part V  
  
Anya sat in a chair and watched Giles pace back and forth.doing Giles type things.  
  
With a sudden burst of decisiveness, Giles whirled to face the other occupant of the room. "Anya, what happened tonight was completely irresponsible. You have a duty to your boyfriend, and grabbing me like that was completely and totally irresponsible---"  
  
"You enjoyed it.didn't you?" she cut in with an impish smile.  
  
He appeared somewhat befuddled for a moment. Suddenly unable to meet her gaze, he took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. "That is NOT the point. Xander's heart is broken, Willow is furious."  
  
"Xander is a big boy. He can take care of himself. It's not like he and Willow are dating anyway. What possible problem can there be?"  
  
"Aside from the fact you lost your boyfriend tonight?"  
  
Anya shruged. "I love Xander. But, change is inevitable, no matter what. Sometimes it can even be a good thing."  
  
Giles looked at Anya, decided understanding her was a lost cause, and just shook his head.  
  
Part VI  
  
Cordelia screamed in pain. Angel rushed to Cordy and grabbed her before she fell. "Are you all right, Cordelia?"  
  
"I.think so. I had a vision, but it was somewhat vague. Something is coming though, or something is about to happen."  
  
Angel frowned. "Is it good or bad?"  
  
Cordelia shrugged. "It could be both."  
  
"Lets go talk to The Host." Angel pulled Cordelia to her feet slowly, making sure she felt all right before heading towards Caritas.  
  
*****  
  
Funny, Willow had always thought demon bars were a little more. . . lively. She stood just outside the entrance, but not a sound reached her ears. What was everyone doing in there? Knitting sweaters? This was definitely a bad sign.  
  
With trepidation, Willow pushed on the door to Willy's Bar. She jumped back with a shriek when the entire door crashed to the floor, raising up a cloud of dust. Cautiously, she stuck her head in the doorway. What she saw made her stomach turn. Willy's was totally decimated. She didn't see an intact table or chair in the entire establishment. Even the bar was cracked in half near the middle from what looked like the forceful contact of someone's head. What could have caused all this destruction?  
  
Suddenly, she spotted something strange in the middle of all the carnage. She bent over and picked up the scrap of clothing. "Oh goddess. This is a piece of the shirt I got Xander for his birthday!"  
  
She surveyed the room once again. "Xander was here! During all of this! Where is he? Is he ok? What could have happened here?"  
  
*****  
  
"Waaaaastin awaaaay agggggin in Mar-ga-rita-villllle." Xander and Spike both sang at the top of their lungs. They slurred most of their words yet took themselves quite seriously nonetheless. Spike stumbled off the stage and Xander broke into a rendition of "From a Distance" in falsetto. Spike got back onstage after a verse and took over. Xander swooned like the women of Sunnydale swoon over Angel.  
  
"From a disthanthe, te world looks bue and green, and the snowcappt mountaiiiiins white."  
  
The Host drank his Sea Breeze, trying not to choke from laughter. In the audience, some of the drunker demons had taken out lighters and started swaying to and fro with the off key singing.  
  
Angel and Cordelia walked in. The Host spotted them and went over to greet them saying, "I haven't been this entertained since that band of Chaos demons sang 'Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer!'"  
  
Cordelia and Angel both looked up at the stage at the same time. The sight before them left them feeling nothing short of pure shock. Not only were the two singers not trying to kill each other, they were singing together like they were old drinking buddies.  
  
Cordelia recovered from the sight first. "Okay, now that's disturbing."  
  
Spike and Xander finished their song with a flourish, tried to bow, stumbled drunkenly, then began their next number. The Host did nothing to stop them. They burst into "I Will Survive." Spike changed the words to, "As long as I drink lots of blood I know I'll stay undead." Xander changed the words to, "And now you're back from outer space or that demon land where you have an ugly veiny face."  
  
The Host looked over at Cordelia and Angel. "Do you know those two crazy kids? Do you think they would come back again and sing weekly?"  
  
Spike notices Cordelia and Angel and stops singing. He yells across the room. "Hey! It's the Poof!"  
  
Xander and Spike stumble over to Angel and Cordelia. The two desperately tried to pretend they didn't know them. They had to come back to Caritas in the future.  
  
Xander noticed this and yelled at Angel. "Don't pretend you don't know us!" He grabbed Angel and pointed at his face. Spike pushed Xander out of the way and Xander fell to the ground.  
  
Spikelooked at Angel for several seconds, trying to will his face into focus. "You.ruined.our lives!"  
  
Xander speaks up from his spot on the ground. "You and your stupid soul!"  
  
Spike goes to help Xander up but loses his balance and falls on top of Xander. Spike clumsily rolled off of him. They both look up at Angel and start laughing.  
  
"You and your poofy hair! Hahaha! The Great Poofini! POOF! POOF! What a funny word! POOF!" Xander and Spike laugh harder than ever.  
  
Cordelia looks down at them and then looks at Angel. Angel shrugs. She looks at the Host. "What is going on with them?"  
  
"Don't ask, Dollface." The Host looks at the two drunkards still spouting off Angel insults, and smirks.  
  
With a disgusted growl, Angel grabs them and pulls them upright. Xander and Spike hold each other up. Angel sighs. "What the hell are you two doing here? Why aren't you trying to kill each other?"  
  
Spike laughs. "We've come to an agreement."  
  
Xander says, "All women are evil!"  
  
Cordelia glares. "Hey! I'm offended!"  
  
Xander laughs at her. "Not you, Cordy. You are in an entirely different class."  
  
Cordelia raises an eyebrow, unsure if she should be happy or offended.  
  
Angel interrupts them. "You didn't answer my question. What the HELL are you doing here?"  
  
Spike laughs. "We killed all the demons at Willy's bar. Ran out of booze too."  
  
"Broken bottles make good weapons," Xander chimed in.  
  
Spike agrees. "We decided to mosey to L.A. Say hi to the family."  
  
Xander looks at Angel. "Well.hi. We gotta go now. There are at least five other bars Spike knows will let me in." They stumble out, singing uproariously.  
  
The Host looks at Cordelia and Angel. "Quite a pair, those two, aren't they?"  
  
Angel is speechless. Cordelia nods. "Uh, yeah.I guess. Never thought of them as friends though. It goes against the laws of nature."  
  
Angel recovers from the shock. "Spike. Xander. Why aren't they killing each other?"  
  
The Host says, "I think the term is male bonding."  
  
"We better stop them before they hurt themselves.or others." Angel runs out.  
  
The Host, becomes serious, and looks at Cordelia. "Something has happened. Something big. And Blondie doesn't know how to deal with it."  
  
Cordelia ponders this. "That explains the drunkenness, but what does that have to do with Xander?"  
  
"The kid plays an even bigger role than he knows. Now go after Angel and help him put the rascals to bed."  
  
Cordelia sighed. "Spike and Xander. Weirder things have happened." She left, hoping to find the two before they got into anymore trouble, or before Angel got fed up and just killed them.  
  
The Host watched her go with a sad smile. "It's started. And their worlds will never be the same." 


	4. Who Knocks On Hotel Doors

**First of all, we want to thank everyone for the positive reviews. This is our first fanfiction. We didn't expect such awesome feedback. Please, keep sending feedback. It would be much appreciated! Secondly, for anyone who didn't get it, the first chapter was the disclaimer. But, I imagine most of you actually got that part. (**  
  
DISCLAIMER: We emailed Joss the other day and asked him if we could claim of ownership of his characters. He said, "No! And stop hiding in the bushes behind my house you freaks!" So, the characters still belong to him and Mutant Enemy, UPN, and anyone else who went so far as to sell their soul to have a piece of them.  
  
Part VII  
  
Willow drove like crazy towards L.A., breaking every speed limit by at least thirty miles. She was amazed that Giles left the keys to his car under the visor. What had told her to go to L.A.? She wasn't sure. She didn't even use a spell. They didn't usually work on Xander too well. She just went with her gut instinct.  
  
She couldn't get in touch with Angel and became increasingly worried. "Xander, I hope you're ok."  
  
She convinced herself not to get upset. It took her ten minutes of talking to the empty seat beside her, but she eventually calmed down a little. "I've searched the ice cream parlor, the pizza place, the 7-11.but, duh, Willow! He might not be going to chocolate for the answers to life's little tragedies!" With a sigh and a thankful prayer for cop free highways, she drove on, hoping her hunch was right.  
  
Part VIII  
  
Spike sighed and decided to confide in his companion.  
  
"It was just a dream, and yet it makes me so mad. I haven't seen her with my own two eyes yet. I was in my usual scrape, five to one, good odds in my eyes nowadays. Then suddenly, someone snaps the neck of the demon trying to put a stake through my bloody heart. I turn around but no one is there. I can hear someone calling my name. A girl, she sounds incredibly familiar. Then the voice is right behind me. I turn around and it's the Slayer. She looked upset. She had a deep scowl on her face as though she were not sure why she was seeing me again. I go to touch her face. Suddenly, I'm awake and I'm brassed off at the world, and I don't know why. Then I remember my dream."  
  
He takes an unneeded deep breath before going on. "I run to the graveyard thinking I'm a soddin fool. It's just a dream, and not the best one I've had at that. I watched them put her in the ground myself. There's no way she's alive. But her grave was empty, clawed out of from the inside. I dropped to my knees and clawed down to her coffin just to be sure. She's gone again, only this time I don't have a clue where she is. Next thing I know, I'm outside the Nibblet's house. She's the Slayer's little sis; she has a right to know. I get there just as she is calling the Watcher telling him the bloody 'good news.' The sun wasn't the only thing that drove me away from the house. Why didn't anybody bloody TELL me? I stormed back to the crypt. Trashed it, felt guilty.damn Angel and his anal retentiveness, so I cleaned it back up. By that time the sun was down, and I really needed a spot of violence. And some hard liquor. So I went to Willy's and that solved both problems."  
  
He laughs, pointing out the irony of his situation. "But then the whelp showed up and I thought my fun was over. Scoobies are such sticklers for gratuitous violence. But, he doesn't say anything, shrugs and starts pounding the nearest demon. The whelp's damn inventive in a bar brawl. I hate to admit, but I had fun. Turns out he caught his demon gal snoggin' with Ripper. Can't say I didn't see it coming. Those two had been fighting about the store all summer. Xander still had a mind to start some trouble and I thought what better way than to annoy The Poof than to bring the whelp with me to L.A. That Caritas, just as fun as I remember, as long as you are totally smashed. Then, in the middle of our singing, the Poof and the May Queen show up. It gets a little fuzzy after that."  
  
He sighs.  
  
"Thanks for listening, Mr. Gordo." He laughed at himself. What sort of nancy boy vampire converses with a stuffed pig? He laid the pig on the pillow next to him.  
  
He grinned insanely at Mr. Gordo, who would have been quaking in hooves (do pigs have hooves?), if he were actually animate.  
  
Spike would never, of course, do this when he was actually sober --- being a Master Vampire and all.  
  
Part IX  
  
Willow finally got in touch with Angel right after arriving in L.A. She spoke frantically, telling Angel every detail of her search for Xander in one long-winded breath. Angel only caught the words Xander, Demon bar, and pistachio. "Willow, slow down. Xander is up here with Spike."  
  
Willow gasps in surprise. "Spike?"  
  
Angel says, "Yeah, Spike."  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Spike.yes."  
  
"Are you sure Xander is ok?"  
  
"About as ok as two drunk men can be."  
  
"Drunk?"  
  
"Yeah, drunk."  
  
"Drunk?"  
  
"Yes, drunk!"  
  
"How did you find them?"  
  
"They were singing karaoke at Caritas."  
  
"Singing?"  
  
"Singing. Yes! Singing. Don't ask again!"  
  
"Uh.ok." Silence. "I'll be right over! I swear, when I get my hands on him, I'm going to beat on him until he pleads for mercy --- no wait, that doesn't sound right. I would never beat Xander in that way. I'm a one girl gal. But he really made me angry disappearing like that ---"  
  
"Ok," Angel said, cutting her off. "I'll tell you all about it when you get here. So, bye." He hung up the phone and shook his head.  
  
The second Angel hung up the phone, someone started pounding on the door. "Geez, it's a hotel. You think they'd just come on in," Cordelia replied, annoyed. She opened the door. Willow breezed right past her. Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Geez, Willow. Rude much?"  
  
Willow grabbed Cordy's shoulders. "Where is he?!?!"  
  
"Get a grip, Willow.but not on me!"  
  
Angel walked into the room. "Uh.hi, Willow."  
  
"Where is Xander?"  
  
"Sleeping like a baby. Willow, what's going on?"  
  
"Um.uh.I need to see Xander first."  
  
Angel grabs Willow's arm and takes her to Xander. "Ok, he's asleep. See? Still in one piece, still the same stu." he cleared his throat when Willow glared at him. ".Xander."  
  
Willow sighed. She looked down at Xander then back up at Angel. "We'll talk about it later, Angel, ok?"  
  
Angel rolled his eyes, not wanting to push farther. "Ok.fine. Later."  
  
Cordelia reluctantly found a room for Willow and went to bed herself.  
  
Part X  
  
Buffy found herself wandering around the cemetery aimlessly --- again, thinking about her mother. "I could sure use you right now, Mom. Things are pretty weird."  
  
She looked up and noticed she was standing in front of Spike's crypt. Her mom really liked Spike. She walked up to the door and just stood there for a moment. Did she really want to see Spike right now? Did she even care if she ever saw him again?  
  
She opened the door softly, expecting Spike to be in there somewhere. He had probably somehow sensed her presence outside the door before she even decided to open it. He was so damn irritating like that. To her surprise though, the crypt was completely quiet and she knew he was not there. "I wonder where he went. Before I died, he didn't have much of a social unlife."  
  
Her thoughts drifted to Angel, the love of her life. As though some other force were directing her, she knew she had to go to L.A., but she failed to understand why her brain was telling her that. Maybe her brain wanted her to tell Angel the "good news" and get it over with. She quickly made her way home, leaving a note for Dawn (she didn't want her to worry after all) and picking up a few things before going to the City of Angels. She had no idea that the majority of her friends when be there when she arrived.  
  
Part XI  
  
Xander screamed. Everyone woke up, naturally, since blood curdling screams have a way of doing that. Xander jumped out of the bed. He ran toward another room tackling anyone that got in his way. "He's gonna get me! He's gonna get me! Save me! Help me! Hold me! Just keep him away from the chocolate!" Everyone looked at each other groggily in utter confusion.  
  
Willow walked towards the screaming man. "Xander --- what is it?"  
  
Xander continued to scream. "Clowns are evil! Clowns are bad! Clowns --- "  
  
Spike slaps him. "Wake up you crazy sod!"  
  
Xander suddenly wakes up and puts his hand to his stinging face. "Ouch! That hurt! What was that for? Where am I? Who's the bitch that just hit me? Aaaaaaugh! Spike! Aaaaaaaugh! Angel! What kind of nightmare is this? Willow? Cordelia? What are you doing here?"  
  
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "More like.what are you doing here?"  
  
Angel interrupts. "Someone care to tell me what is going on now that we're all awake here?"  
  
Willow cautiously touched Xander's shoulder. "Are you all right?"  
  
He held his head in his hands. "I think someone hit me over the head with a sledgehammer. A really, really big sledgehammer! Owwwww!"  
  
"Xander, I know what happened." Willow looked at her best friend with total sympathy.  
  
Too tired to comprehend what she was talking about, he asked, "Huh? What?"  
  
"I went by the shop earlier to find you. Giles and Anya were fighting."  
  
That woke him up. "Oh goody! Giles and Anya fight, shag, then fight some more. Rated R for adult content. Now showing on every screen of Xander Harris' pathetic life."  
  
Cordelia looks at Xander. "Woah! Hold on a second! Back up! WHAT is going on here? Anya and the Tweed?"  
  
"Laugh it up, Cordy. Payback is such a bitch, isn't it?"  
  
Cordelia became somewhat flustered. "Xander, I ---"  
  
Wesley and Gunn ran in. Wesley looked at the entourage of people gathered in the lobby of the hotel. "What was that infernal racket? Did Darla sneak in again?"  
  
Spike, Xander, and Willow look at Wesley in shock. "Darla?!?!?!"  
  
Gunn looked at the startled guests in amusemnt.not really knowing any of them. "Uh.never mind. Don't worry about it right now."  
  
Willow looked at Spike. "Spike, why are you --- here?"  
  
Spike tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes at Willow. "You used your magic. You used your bloody magic. Why did you do it?! Things could have gone terribly wrong!" The sobering vampire paced back and forth. "For all we know, you could have raised a monster!"  
  
"Spike, you are a monster!" Cordelia reminded him.  
  
Xander snaps at Cordelia, "Shut it, Cordy!" Xander clapped his hand over his own mouth in surprise at defending Spike. 'Where did THAT come from?' he thought to himself.  
  
Willow looked at Xander for signs of possession.  
  
Spike stopped and glared at the Cheerleader. "That I am, luv." He looked away.  
  
"Spike, I don't think anything went wrong." Willow said, trying to sound reassuring.  
  
Spike sighed in exasperation. "But you don't know for sure! Do you even know where she is?!?"  
  
Willow looked away from Spike. "Well.no."  
  
"No? NO?!? Bloody wonderful!"  
  
Angel and Cordelia asked in unison, "Who?"  
  
Spike looked at Angel for a moment, and then away. He guffawed. "What, they haven't informed you of their latest Sunnydale drama, mate?"  
  
Angel became more angered because his childe was just plain annoying to him at times. "For the last time, WHAT IS GOING ON? What is going on with Anya and Giles and who the hell are you guys talking about now?"  
  
They were interrupted by a loud knock on the door. Gunn left the room to go see who it was.  
  
Cordelia watched him leave. "What kinda idiot knocks on a hotel's front door?" she yelled. "Who's even awake at this ungodly hour?"  
  
Xander smirked. "Uh, Cordy. We are, along with a buttload of demons, vampires, and other scary creatures of the night." Everyone turned to Xander.  
  
Cordelia quickly replied, "Gunn's a big boy. He can take care of himself. It is probably just Fred."  
  
"Who?" Spike raised an eyebrow.  
  
Angel, still pretty angry and rather annoyed by the fact that no one would answer his question, responded, "Long story. Anyway, Cordelia, she is around here --- somewhere."  
  
Gunn walked back in the room. "Angel, you have a visitor."  
  
Angel exited the room. Everyone just stood around looking at each other, still pretty sleepy even after Xander's random freak fest. A few seconds later, Angel burst back in, startling everyone. "What the fuck is going on? Somebody tell me before I start ripping heads off. If this is some kind of joke, Spike, I swear you're going to wish you were ashes when I'm through with you!"  
  
"What are you talking about, Peaches."  
  
Angel screams. "SHE'S DEAD!"  
  
"Angel.what is going on?" All seven pairs of eyes focused on Buffy.  
  
Angel shifted fretfully. "I --- well --- " He looked around the room. "All right!" He turned to the witch. "Someone has A LOT of explaining to do! Willow! Did you do this?!?" He grabbed her shoulders.  
  
Xander came to Willow's rescue. "Back off, Dead Boy!" He pulled Angel off Willow. "We did a spell. We found the Urn of Osiris --- on E-bay strangely enough --- and resurrected her."  
  
Buffy jumps in. "Um, excuse me. I'm standing right here. What did you do to me? You resurrected with something you found on E-bay?!?!"  
  
Willow semi-smiled at Buffy. "We rescued you, Buffy. You're not in Hell anymore." Uncomfortable silence filled the room.  
  
Buffy blinked a few times and sighed. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it quickly after finding she couldn't think of anything to say.  
  
"You're home now." Willow smiled.  
  
Buffy quietly mumbled to herself. "Home."  
  
Cordelia yawned. "Boy, that whole coming back from the dead thing must have worn you out. I know I'm tired just thinking about it. Why don't I show you your room, Buffy?"  
  
Willow nervously looks at Buffy. "Buffy, are you ok?"  
  
Buffy just stared at Willow. Then her eyes wandered to everyone else in the room.  
  
"It's been a long night guys. We'll talk about it tomorrow," Willow said in a near whisper.  
  
Cordelia took Buffy up the stairs to find yet another room for yet another guest.  
  
Angel grabbed Willow. "You bet we're talking about this tomorrow, and I want some answers!" Willow looked up at Angel and nodded slowly. Angel let go and Willow walked up the stairs timidly.  
  
Wesley looked at Gunn. "Well, this seems like a good time for me to do research of some kind." He quickly left the room.  
  
Angel glared. "I feel the sudden need to go kill a few demons." He narrowed his eyes at Xander and Spike. "You two! Don't. Go. Anywhere!" He stalked out of the room. Gunn followed. "I'm with Angel." He quickly escaped the weirdness that was unfolding before his eyes.  
  
Xander and Spike look at each other. Spike says, "Xander, I think I just felt my heart beat."  
  
Xander somewhat chuckles, "Funny, I think mine just stopped." He is silent for a moment. "I think I need to sit down."  
  
A stunned Spike says, "Yeah." He plops down next to Xander, gets out a cigarette and lights it, and stares off into space.  
  
Xander takes one of Spike's cigarettes. He lights it, inhales, coughs, but manages. Spike is completely unphased by Xander's actions. He continues to stare off. Xander disposes of his cigarette. He yawns, pats Spike on the back, and walks up the stairs to go to bed.  
  
Spike, now left alone, has no idea what to do. One tear rolls down his cheek, but he quickly rubs it away. 'Must be the alcohol or something,' he thought to himself. Who was he kidding though? He was so happy to see Buffy, but worried at the same time. How could the Scoobies even think for one second that they would have to resurrect Buffy to save her from Hell? Still, he cried quietly. All those days of torment finally caught up with him, and he realized that Buffy's return would mean the end of his recurring dream ---- at least, he hoped so. 


	5. Damn Wooden Spoon!

1 **Thanks once again for the positive reviews. You guys are just great! We really appreciate it, what with a week of college finals coming up soon and all that jazz, plus a research paper here and notebook there. Keep sending feedback, cuz we thrive off of it. It makes our day better. We love you guys!**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Shelley: What do you mean they don't belong to us?  
  
Kelley: I mean, they still belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and all those other rich people we don't know.  
  
Shelley: But the other day, Xander told me we owned them while I was chatting with him.  
  
Kelley: What the hell are you talking about, Shelley?  
  
Shelley: What? He hasn't added you to his buddy list yet? He sent me a picture the other day! He even said I could be on the show.  
  
Kelley: (dubiously) He SENT you a picture?  
  
Shelley: Yeah!  
  
Kelley: (hitting Shelley with a blunt object) You poor, deluded girl.  
  
Shelley: Whaaaaaaat?  
  
Kelley: (now hitting Shelley with a frying pan) This is for your own good. We still don't own them! Remember when we were hiding in the bushes the other day at Joss' house?  
  
Shelley: Yeah, I still have scratches from his pruning shears.  
  
Kelley: And remember how he found us and told us to go away and then mailed us a restraining order?  
  
Shelley: (sniffling) Well, yeah. You're raining on my parade.  
  
Kelley: That's life dear.  
  
Shelley: But Xander! He sent me a picture! He said I could be on the shooooooow!  
  
Kelley: (patting Shelley on the head) There there. Maybe when you graduate from college in May, you can start your cloning research. But Shelley, people tend to stretch the truth on the internet.  
  
Shelley: (dejectedly) Aww man!  
  
Kelley: (sighing) I know. I know. Spike once told me I could chain him to my bed, but he never showed up. It turns out some freak was just impersonating him.  
  
Shelley: (giving in) Ooook, I'll accept your theory for now. Yeah, they still belong to Joss and all those others who won't share with us. (she pouts)  
  
2  
  
3 Part XII  
  
Buffy stared at the ceiling. She was exhausted, yet she could not get to sleep. All she could think about was waking up in that coffin. Clawing her way out was definitely worse than the worst thing she had ever gone through. It was not of the good. "I'm never gonna get to sleep."  
  
She sat up and threw her covers off knowing that if she didn't get up soon and do something she would burst into tears. She hated this feeling inside of her --- feeling confused and helpless and about twenty other things all at once.  
  
She walked out of the room and headed towards the stairs. She stopped at the top when she noticed a bleach blonde vampire sitting on the bottom step. She stared for a minute, then finally walked down the stairs, towards Spike. She sat down next to him, but didn't bother to look up at him - instead, she focused her eyes on the floor.and tried not to cry. The both continued to sit in silence. Buffy heard Spike sniffle and did a double take. She sat there for a moment, but grew uncomfortable with the strange circumstances. "What's wrong?"  
  
Spike discretely wiped his eyes. "Nothing, Slayer."  
  
They both went back to staring at the floor. After a few minutes, Spike heard a sniffle. He turned towards the Slayer slightly. "What's wrong, pet?"  
  
"Don't worry about it." She looked at him then quickly looked away.  
  
They both go back to staring at the floor.again. Both are crying softly, but neither wants to admit it. Finally, Spike tentatively put an arm around Buffy. Buffy leaned into him timidly after awhile. Spike somehow knew what she was feeling. She knew that he knew. He said nothing though, and she liked that. For the time being, she just wanted to adjust to being back. Spike just wanted to make sure she wasn't going anywhere. For the first time that night, she felt comfortable enough to close her eyes.  
  
4 Part XIII  
  
Xander stumbled out of bed. "Oh my gosh. Need aspirin. Need aspirin NOW!" He holds his head in his hands. "Oh man. Stupid Dead Boy. Why would he NEED aspirin? He's a vampire. He doesn't get headaches. He's probably too soul filled to drink himself into oblivion anyways. God, I hate that guy!"  
  
He headed for the stairs but stopped about half-way down when he noticed Spike and Buffy, asleep on the stairs. He noticed the way Spike was leaning against the railing. "Boy, he's gonna wake up with the mother of all backaches.but Buffy looks quite comfortable, sleeping with the vampire."  
  
He had a momentary 'awww' moment and then slapped himself for being so sappy. "What is wrong with you Xander Harris? You hate this guy. . .right? What was up with that instinctive 'awww' reaction in the first place? Oh wow! I actually had a Look-I-Can-Really-Think Moment!"  
  
He remembered some of the things Spike did for them over the summer. 'He protected and took care of Dawn, he watched out for the Scoobies --- even me,' Xander thought, 'whether he wants to openly admit it or not (soul or no soul), Spike is my friend---something Angel never attempted to be. Ok, Harris, that's enough. Spike is. . .Spike! Bad!' Xander thought to himself.  
  
He walked to the bottom of the stairs and gently shook Spike to wake him. Spike startled. Xander hushed him. "No need to ruin a good cuddle."  
  
Without a word, Xander helped Spike to stand up and settle Buffy into his arms. Spike carried Buffy up the stairs as Xander walked next to him. Spike set Buffy in her bed and pulled up the covers as Xander watched. Spike took Mr. Gordo out of his duster pocket and placed him in bed beside Buffy.  
  
Xander, of course, broke the touching moment. "I thought I felt something squishy in your pocket when you fell on top of me. Now I know." He headed for the door, stopped, and turned to the vampire. "Goodnight, Spike." He turned and, before walking out added, "I'll most likely kill you in the morning."  
  
5 Part XIV  
  
Anya sat on the edge of the couch, nervously biting at her nails. She could not take her eyes off the television, yet she knew what was coming. "Those poor, unfortunate men. They just do not realize the terror they are about to face." The haunting music in the background said it all. She knew that it could only mean one thing. . .untimely death. What she could see on screen could only be described as the most horrific site on earth, and she felt for anyone who actually lived through an encounter. When she was a vengeance demon, she did some pretty horrible things to men, but she never did anything THAT cruel.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!" Anya covered her eyes and screamed. No sooner had she thought of the horrible incident when the scariest looking white rabbit on the face of the planet emerged from the cave. She yelled at the television, at King Arthur and his men. "Don't try and fight him! A rabbit for crying out loud! Can't you see his sharp pointy teeth?!? Run away, run away!" She covered her mouth with her hand to conceal a frightening squeal of terror.  
  
Giles came and sat next to Anya on the couch. "Oh please, Anya. I don't see what the problem is. It's just a bunny rabbit." The chilling music drew both sets of eyes back to the screen and suddenly, King Arthur and his men were attacked by the ferocious white rabbit.  
  
Giles screamed like a girl. "Oh bloody hell!"  
  
Anya hid her face in Giles' chest despite the initial girly scream.  
  
Giles finally managed to calm down. He took his hands off his eyes uttering, "My word."  
  
Anya took her face out of his chest. "I knew it! I'm not a freak! You're scared of bunnies too!!!" Giles just sighed and shook his head, still shaking from the worst attack any human has ever had to endure. He'd faced many an apocalypse without batting an eyes, but when it came to twitchy noses. . . uuuuugh!  
  
"See, we are perfect for each other!" He was never going to live this one down.  
  
  
  
6 Part XV  
  
The first thing Buffy noticed upon waking up was the extra occupant in her bed. "Now how did you get here, Mr. Gordo?"  
  
She looked at him as if she expected him to answer. With a shrug, she got out of bed and made sure to take Mr. Gordo with her to go find the others who were probably awake already. She thought about something that occurred earlier. "Was I just dreaming or did I really fall asleep in Spike's arms on the stairs?" she whispered to herself.  
  
When she gets to the kitchen she finds, to her surprise, everyone is still asleep. She set Mr. Gordo on the table and got some orange juice out of Angel's fridge. She sat at the table as Cordelia came into the kitchen. Cordy appeared slightly chipper but made a beeline for the coffee pot.  
  
"Ugh, I hate early mornings (looks at watch), or afternoons, whatever." She continued to brew the coffee offering Buffy a cup. Buffy declined with a quick shake of her head.  
  
A few minutes later, Angel stumbled into the room, eyes half closed. Cordelia wordlessly put a cup of coffee in his hands without even looking up. With a jolt of caffeine, Angel realized that Buffy was in the room, started to say something, but Cordelia covered his mouth.  
  
"Not a word. Not till I've had at least three cups of coffee."  
  
She kept her hand over his mouth. He looked at her stubbornly and she returned the stare.  
  
Angel then gave her a wounded bleeding puppy dog look. Cordelia's eyes just narrowed into a glare.  
  
Angel nodded, knowing he would never win.  
  
Willow entered the room looking all cheery and happy until she spotted Angel, and then she calmed down. "Can I get something out of the fridge?" Angel started to answer her, but Cordelia cleared her throat and glared at him. He looked chastised and nodded. Buffy hid the smile that started playing on her face. Everyone sat in silence for a moment, not sure what to do next.  
  
Spike and Xander, our two bumbling heroes, chose this moment to enter the kitchen, holding their heads and moaning.  
  
Cordelia smiled. "How are you guys feeling this morning?" Xander and Spike simultaneously flipped her off. Buffy nearly choked on her orange juice. Xander and Spike went straight for the coffee. Willow was the first to observe Mr. Gordo's presence and looked at Buffy worriedly. Buffy offered no explanation, only grinning. The insane light in Buffy's eyes made Willow nervous.  
  
Spike looked at Xander. "Are you gonna have any coffee with that milk and sugar?"  
  
Xander retorted. "Look who's talking. You poured blood in yours!" Apparently, their witty banter wasn't affected by their hangovers.  
  
Willow paled. Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Eew! Spike, you're such a freak!"  
  
Spike smiled at the disgusted May Queen. "Thanks ducks." He glanced over and saw Buffy at the table. He smiled at her before ducking his head and sitting on the counter, far from Buffy.  
  
Xander took a big gulp of coffee. He was finally starting to feel human again. He looked at Buffy and waved at her. He then noticed Mr. Gordo as well. He smiled and kicked the small part of his brain calling him a big sap into submission. He had accepted his spiral into insanity after he found himself singing karaoke with Spike last night. Buffy saw him smiling, and looked at him questioningly. She mouthed "you" in wonderment to Xander while pointing at Mr. Gordo. Everyone else was too absorbed in their own thoughts to notice the silent conversation occurring between the two. Xander shook his head slightly. He covertly pointed to Spike, who was sitting on the counter next to him. Buffy's eyes widened in surprise. Xander nodded, gives her a goofy smile, and proceeded to drink more coffee. He finisheed his cup, put it down, and began to look through Angel's food. He peered over his shoulder at Buffy. "Would you like to eat, Buffster? Chef Xander is now taking orders."  
  
Cordelia smacked herself on the forehead when Xander broke the silence. He looked at Cordelia, shrugged, and got the eggs out of Angel's fridge.  
  
Angel sighed. "Well, this is awkward."  
  
Willow looked at Angel. "Well, I said I'd give you an explanation, so I will."  
  
Spike chimed in. "We're all ears ducks."  
  
It was a long and complicated explanation. We laughed, we cried, we hurled, it gave us a headache.  
  
**In other words, if you saw the episode where they resurrected Buffy, then you get the general idea. Willow, big spell, nasty snake, biker demons, yadda yadda yadda.**  
  
7 Part XVI  
  
There's this thing about bad guys. It's an awful habit really. They always tend to show up when you have the least amount of time to deal with their crap. They also tend to set up operation in the foulest places imaginable.  
  
Presently, a robed figure leaned over an enormous cauldron, stirring it with the largest wooden spoon this side of Appalachia. **Hey, don't be offended. We, the authors, live in Kentucky after all. If we're not offended, no one else should be either!** A few muttered curses could be heard coming from the figure. Something about wishing they'd made electric beaters big enough to do this job, or at least putting electricity in evil hideouts. There were also several choice phrases offered up about the figure's employers.  
  
With a sigh, it finished stirring the cauldron, removed the spoon, and threw it toward the far wall. Of course, this figure wasn't the strongest being there was, and after a rather pathetic flight by the spoon, it hit the ground with a residual thud. The figure grumbled. "Stupid spoon. I should just burn it."  
  
The figure howled in frustration. It lifted the spoon and moved toward the fire lit under the cauldron. Suddenly, the spoon clattered to the floor again as the strange figure clasped its head in pain. "All right, all right! I get it!" The figure yelled. It looked around its dark, dank abode, then at the still swirling contents of the cauldron, laughing maniacally. "Soon. It's happening SOON!"  
  
With that over with, the figure stood up straight and shrugged. 'Well, at least the lair doesn't leak,' the figure thought with another sigh. 


	6. A Bird In The Hand

1 **Note: Yes, we did update twice in four hours . . . or something like that. Our goal is to get the whole story up by Christmas break, although we don't even know how it's going to end yet (but we have an idea). Please, give us lots of feedback and encouragement, we need it.**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Shelley: (nervously holding up a piece of paper) Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling . . .  
  
Kelley: (elbows Shelley in the stomach) We don't even write Harry Potter fanfic!  
  
Shelley: (smiles) I was just trying to keep you on your toes.  
  
Kelley: Ha bloody ha. Spike taught me that.  
  
Shelley: Do you know how stupid that sounds with a southern accent?  
  
Kelley: Do you know how stupid how sound when you impersonate Angelus? Your Irish accent is worse than the Lucky Charms guy . . . Allison, who owns Lucky Charms?  
  
Allison: How the hell should I know?  
  
Shelley: Don't bring her into this, Kelley. She doesn't help write this story. She is just an innocent bystanding roommate with better things to do . . . like studying for instance.  
  
Kelley: That doesn't sound better in my opinion. Anyway, Joss and Co. still own them. The restraining order is still in effect and we have to go to court tomorrow. But, the good news is, Shelley's wounds from the pruning shears are healing quite nicely.  
  
Shelley: (nodding) I'll have some wicked scars. But the school nurse advised me to gargle salt water for those crazy wounds. It didn't taste very good.  
  
Kelley: And with that note, on with the story.  
  
2  
  
3 Part XVII  
  
Willow sat at the table, drumming her fingers. "Everyone chooses NOW to have high morals and souls," she said to herself. Angel was avoiding her. Actually, it seemed like everyone was avoiding her. Even Fred was avoiding her, and Fred didn't even know her! "I wish Tara was here." She knew Tara would be more understanding towards her. She sighed and started to bang her head on the table.  
  
"Will, I think you're fighting a losing battle right now." Willow looked up at Xander and frowned. He grinned. "That table is solid wood. I don't think your head will be able to take much more."  
  
Willow sighed. "Good. Maybe everyone will stop avoiding me, then."  
  
Xander chuckled, failing to see her logic. "Or they'll avoid you even more because you are now a crazy woman who likes to pick fights with innocent tables."  
  
Willow cracks a smile and Xander winks at her. "Why is it that everyone chooses now to have such high morals about everything? Angel and Spike are vampires! Vampires don't have souls." Xander coughs. "Well, ok, Angel has a soul, but Spike is soul-free! He is supposed to be the epitome of bad-ass vampires, but he is all sad and depressed and concerned about Buffy. Isn't he supposed to be all like 'Grrr.argh.the Slayer is alive again?!'" Xander looks at her increduously. "Ok, so maybe he is somewhat fond of. . ." Xander raises an eyebrow. "Ok, maybe in love with Buffy!" Willow sighs. "Everyone hates me. I thought we were doing the right thing." She begins to bang her head on the table again.  
  
"Woah! Willow! What did we just talk about? Lay off the table! It's bad enough that Dead Boy uses it every day."  
  
Willow rested her chin on her hands. "That's my Willow. Ok, so maybe people are avoiding you. You brought someone back from the dead. It's not like people were just gonna say 'Oh hi Buffy! Nice to see ya! How was three months of death?' It's cause for a major wiggins, Wills. It'll be ok though. Everyone will adjust. If not, blame it on evil powers. . .like Anya."  
  
Willow laughed at Xander's comment. Xander grinned sadly, making Willow realize the undertone of what he said. They both stopped laughing for a second, looked at each other, and laughed again, this time a little more awkwardly.  
  
"Come on, Wills. Time to face the world." Xander stood up and motioned for Willow to follow him. They entered the room where Gunn, Wesley, and Angel sat. The three men stopped talking abruptly, glanced at the two newcomers, then resumed their conversation. Willow and Xander looked at each other, Xander silently trying to reassure her. They both sat on the couch and got comfortable.  
  
Wesley looked at Angel. "Angel, I've been researching some of the possible consequences inherent in the type of resurrection spell Willow performed." He looked at Willow with disdain. "Sunnydale being so close to the Hellmouth there are quite a few."  
  
Angel caught the murderous look Xander was giving Wesley, and despite his better judgment, he knew Willow had only the best intentions at heart. Plus, he really didn't feel like breaking up a fight today. "Wesley, let's talk about this later." Angel gave Wesley a look that clearly pleaded, 'Don't start anything.'  
  
Gunn saw the look and stifled a laugh, not looking up from his Gameboy.  
  
Xander looked at Willow, and smiled at her conspiratorially. "And notice how we disappear from everyone's attention in a poof. Poof! Kinda like the Dark Avenger's hair over there. No one knows how that came to be or how he even gets it to look like that all the time since vampires cast no reflections or anything. It's like Spike too. How does he bleach his hair to bleachy perfection? Who does this for him? Nothing tops Peaches' immaculate Poof though. I mean, it's just so.poofy!"  
  
Willow laughed. Xander was picking up Spike's lingo. It was kind of disturbing to know that the two were getting along, but at least Buffy wasn't getting all chummy with him. She looked up and noticed the three men staring at them. Gunn quickly looked back to his Gameboy, biting his lip to keep from laughing. Wesley blinked a few times and muttered something about 'rude kids' under his breath. Maybe they weren't as invisible as they thought.  
  
Angel glared at Xander. "Why are you in here?"  
  
Xander just shrugged. "We were bored."  
  
Angel started to say something but was distracted when he saw Spike and Buffy walking down the stairs. Buffy still clung to Mr. Gordo like a security blanket. Spike mumbled something about food. Angel looked at the two more than slightly disturbed. If Buffy were to start swaying back and forth and talking in singsong rhyme Angel would rip Spike's head off.  
  
Buffy and Spike both looked up, suddenly noticing everyone in the room. Spike looked at Buffy. "Oh, is there a party down here? And no one bothered to invite us!"  
  
Buffy smiled. "Rude much? Let's join in the fun, Spike."  
  
They both walked down the stairs. Buffy sat beside Xander on the couch. She ceremoniously placed Mr. Gordo in her lap, looking as though she might start a conversation with him at any moment. Willow and Xander notice this at the same time. Willow looked at Xander worriedly, Xander just shrugged. Spike walked past the trio on the couch, leaned against the nearby wall, and started smoking a cigarette. Wesley watched the happenings in mild shock, then shook his head.  
  
Gunn, on the other hand, is utterly amazed. "Wow, a smoking vampire! Who'da thought it? Already dead, doesn't have to worry about cancer." He chuckles. Spike gives him a strange look and shakes his head. Wesley had started to comment, when Fred and Cordelia burst in through the front door, big smiles on their faces.  
  
Xander rolled his eyes. "Look at what the cat dragged in."  
  
Cordelia glared at him. "I'm looking . . . he's taking up most of the room on the couch right now."  
  
Fred coughed nervously. Everyone's eyes turned to her. She was holding something large and bulky in her arms, but it was covered with a blanket. They all looked to her for an explanation. Fred shifted uncomfortably. She looked at Cordelia, urging her to talk for her.  
  
Cordelia cleared her throat. "Well, everyone has seemed kinda glum lately. So Fred and I decided we needed something to cheer this place up, to add life to the room. We wanted something cute, yet funny." She looked over at Fred encouragingly. "All right, show them Fred."  
  
Fred pulled the blanket off, revealing a cage. And inside the cage was a giant parrot. Everyone got up and walked to it, with varied 'ohhs' and 'awws". . . except for one person.  
  
"Holy Shit!" Everyone jumped in surprise. They looked around the room for the perpetrator and a head popped up from behind the desk.  
  
Cordelia crinkled her nose. "Angel, what are you doing?!?"  
  
Angel pointed an accusing finger at the cage. "What is that . . . THING . . . doing here?" he hollered.  
  
Fred gave him a look. "Well, he was going to sell us life insurance, but then we decided to keep him."  
  
Angel blinked in surprise. Did Fred just make a joke? But he quickly focused again on the matter at hand and growled menacingly. "Over my dead body!"  
  
A group of heads whipped toward Angel.  
  
Spike chuckled. "I'd say it's a little too late for that, Peaches."  
  
Angel glared at Cordelia. "Why couldn't you have gotten something like a dog or a plant or a really big rock?"  
  
Fred looked to Cordelia and then to Angel. "Don't you like it, Angel?"  
  
"That is not funny! Birds are.immoral creatures!"  
  
"And what kind of research did you do to come to that kind of conclusion?" Xander chimed in.  
  
Cordelia laughed loudly. "Angel, don't tell me you are afraid of birds!" Angel didn't answer. "Oh, come on! You're a vampire! You drink blood, you see multitudes of scary-looking demons all the time!" Cordelia and Fred move towards Angel.  
  
"Keep that beast away from me!"  
  
Spike and Xander burst into laughter.  
  
Xander tried to catch his breath. "Dead Boy is afraid of birds!"  
  
Spike laughed even harder. "Everyone, alert the media!" He looked at Angel. "Are you afraid he will mistake your Poof for a nest and therefore negate the existence of your always perfect hair?"  
  
Spike and Xander both continued to laugh. "The Great Poofini, the Dark Avenger, Angelus: The Scourge of Europe, is afraid of birds!"  
  
Angel sighed angrily. "Don't you two have anything better to do than make fun of me, or are your lives that pathetic?"  
  
Spike and Xander stopped laughing. They looked at each other. Then they both looked down, scratched their heads, looked at each other, shrugged, and started laughing at Angel again.  
  
Angel glared, his soul fighting to ignore the commands of his inner demon to torture them mercilessly. His soul won.  
  
Barely.  
  
Cordelia rolled her eyes. Fred stood there nervously. Wesley shook his head. Gunn, who had been trying to concentrate on his Gameboy, gave up and turned it off. Buffy looked at Angel, sympathetically rolled her eyes, shrugged, and walked out of the room. Spike and Xander continued to laugh heartily.  
  
Angel's battle with Angelus raged on.  
  
4 Part XVIII  
  
Dawn knocked on the door at Giles' house. Giles and Anya both answered the door. Dawn looked at them strangely, wondering why Anya was there without Xander. "Ok, Buffy is not in town. I'm getting bored. Do you mind if I hang out here for awhile?" Giles shrugged indifferently and let her in. Dawn looked around again and turned to Anya. "Where's Xander?"  
  
Anya shrugged. "I don't know."  
  
Dawn raised an eyebrow, but left it at that.not wanting to get involved in a potential problem. She looked at Giles. "Can you help me with my history homework? We are studying King Arthur and Camelot. What exactly am I supposed to know about Camelot?!?!"  
  
Anya sighed. "They were not at Camelot because they were searching for the Holy Grail."  
  
Giles shook his head. "Uh, Anya. That w-was just a silly movie."  
  
Anya rolled her eyes. "Wrong! Monty Python actually got the story right. I should know. I was at the Castle Anthrax when Sir Galahad the Pure showed up. He was quite a bit of eye candy. Things were about to get steamy until the other knights came and took him away."  
  
Giles and Dawn stared at Anya in disbelief. Anya shrugged. "I'm over a thousand years old! I know this stuff. That's the reason I'm scared of rabbits." Then she looked at Giles. "So, what's your excuse?" He cleared his throat and glared at her.  
  
**Knock knock knock.** Giles answered the door. Tara was standing outside. Anya and Dawn came to the door as well. Tara looked at Giles worriedly.  
  
"Do you know where Willow is?" she asked. Giles shook his head. Then she looked at Anya. "Where's Xander?"  
  
Anya looked at Tara. "I don't know." She nonchalantly added, "He caught me and Giles playing tonsil hockey and ran out. Willow came by the shop and ran out to find Xander after we told her what happened."  
  
Dawn's jaw dropped, and she stared wide-eyed at Anya. Tara clenched her jaw and swallowed a growl. Anya, being the only one that heard it, raised an eyebrow, and Tara ran off. Dawn closed her mouth, but still stared at Anya. Anya looked at Dawn and smiled. "What?" Dawn shook her head. The three looked in the direction Tara had run, closed the door, looked at each other, shrugged, and continued their history lesson.  
  
5 Part XIX  
  
Xander screamed. Everyone woke up. Wow. 'Déjà vu,' they all thought at once. Xander jumped out of the bed. He ran toward another room, beating up Angel who was the only one stupid enough to stand in his way this time. He kept screaming and holding his head in fear. Spike grabbed Xander's shoulders, shook him roughly, then slapped him with a fair amount of vampiric strength. "Wake up you stupid sod! You're dreaming again!"  
  
Xander woke up suddenly. This time, instead of being angry at such a rude awakening, he began shaking. He backed up into a corner and pulled himself into a ball, rocking back and forth, trying not to cry.  
  
Everyone stareed, not knowing really what to do.  
  
Willow approached Xander cautiously, not wanting to get beat up like Angel did.  
  
Angel stumbled in. "What the hell just happened?" He rubbed his jaw, surprised at the pain Xander put him in.  
  
Wesley, Gunn, and Cordelia ran in. "What is it this time?" Cordelia sighed.  
  
They all took in the scene. Cordelia noticed Xander still rocking in the corner, not really aware of everybody else and hit Wesley and Gunn on the back of the head. "Snap out of it! It's just a nightmare. No need to gawk!"  
  
She pushed Wesley and Gunn out. "No need for axes or heavy duty cleaning tonight." Gunn lowered the ax he was holding. Wesley looked at the broom in his hand and muttered in disgust.  
  
Buffy looked at Xander, saw that Willow had everything under control for the moment, and decided it was okay to leave.  
  
Spike looked at Angel. "This isn't a bloody peep show, Angelus. Haven't you ever had a nightmare before? I'm sure you don't appreciate people gawking at you when you have the screamy meamies!"  
  
Angel followed Spike, half out of embarrassment, and half in surprise that Spike was being considerate to someone.  
  
Willow and Xander were left alone. She touched his shoulder and he hugged her. They sat like that for a moment while she rocked him. She was surprised that he had so willingly given in to the comfort. She had not seen Xander have a nightmare like that since they were six years old, and even then he was reluctant to let anyone touch him. He finally started to calm down and Willow kissed the top of his head. She smiled at him sympathetically, asking, "More clowns?"  
  
Xander shook his head, still looking frightened. "No, it was something different."  
  
Willow looked at him. "What? Nazis? Human eating candy bars? Monsters under the bed?"  
  
Xander shook his head again. "I don't know, Wills. It was dark and cold but there was a light somewhere.and the noise." He shuddered again. "It was bad. Really, really bad." He resumed freaking out again.  
  
Seeing this, Willow became even more concerned. "It'll be all right. It's just a dream."  
  
"It felt so real, like something bad was happening."  
  
"Maybe you should go back to bed."  
  
Xander shook his head furiously. "No, I can't sleep anymore. I'll stay up for awhile."  
  
"I'll stay up with you then."  
  
He smiled at her. "Nah. Go back to bed. I'll be fine. I'm just a little wigged." He walked Willow to her room and closed the door when she got into bed.  
  
Xander walked into the kitchen and saw Buffy and Spike. Spike was playing with Mr. Gordo while Buffy got something to drink. Xander sat at the table and sighed.  
  
Spike eyed Xander. "What? No snide comment? No insulting my manliness. I'm playing with a bloody stuffed pig. This one should be easy for you, whelp! Are you feeling all right?"  
  
Xander looked at him seriously. "Not really."  
  
Buffy gave Xander milk and cookies. Xander smiled. Spike looked insulted and got upset. Before he could utter a complaint however, Buffy threw a couple of cookies in his direction. He looked at her. "What about the milk?"  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "You don't like milk and you know it!"  
  
"How about a beer then, pet?"  
  
Xander shook his head. "Sacrilege."  
  
Buffy touched Xander's shoulder. "Xander, do you wanna talk about it?"  
  
Xander thought about it for a second. "No." She offered him Mr. Gordo for comfort. Spike glared at Buffy, since he was so enjoying making him dance to the Nutcracker tune that was playing in his head. Xander shook his head yet again. "No, that's ok. Thanks though." Buffy shrugged knowing he knew the offer was open anytime. Spike smiled in triumph. She took Mr. Gordo away from Spike, who had snatched him away from her hands after Xander had refused the offer.  
  
"Well, I'm going to bed, boys. Night, Xander."  
  
He smiled. "Night, Buff."  
  
"Night, Spike." She smiled. "I'll most likely kill you in the morning." She looked at Xander and winked.  
  
Xander chuckled. Spike only looked confused. Buffy left the room. Both men ate their cookies in silence. Spike sighed. "Wish I could hit Angel like that, without getting staked. You floored him."  
  
Xander's jaw dropped. "I hit Angel?!? When?"  
  
"Yeah, knocked him to the floor ya did. Surprised the hell outta everyone, especially the Poof."  
  
"I clocked Angel and I wasn't awake to enjoy it? Dammit!"  
  
Spike chuckled for a bit, then got serious again. "Those clown dreams you had when I lived in your basement . . . they weren't anything like that." He got a cigarette while waiting for a response from Xander. Xander didn't say anything, so Spike pushed forward. "I've watched you fight demons with your pals and by yourself and I have never seen you that scared before."  
  
Xander looked at Spike to see if he was sincere in wanting to know or not. "This is gonna sound crazy, but . . . I don't think it was a dream. I think it's something that happened or is gonna happen, or God, I don't know! I don't remember much, but I know it was different and it scared me. It really, really scared me."  
  
Spike looked at Xander, surprised Xander even told him that much. "Did you tell this to the Witch?"  
  
"Not in so many words. I was still kinda freaked. Besides, who would believe me?"  
  
"Well, let's just hope it was just a dream. You remember anything? I'm guessing you don't or you would have said something."  
  
Xander sighed. "Not really. Just some bad vibes that gave me the wiggins."  
  
"I guess there is nothing you can really worry about is there? Well, I believe it is time for all evil bad ass vampires to go to bed."  
  
Xander grinned. "Well, I guess that takes you out of the running."  
  
"Oh, there's the bloody whelp who's neck I want to snap."  
  
Xander let out a quick laugh.  
  
Spike stood up. "Goodnight, whelp."  
  
"Goodnight, fangless." Xander smiled. "I'll most likely kill you in the morning."  
  
Spike looked at him with a confused expression on his face and then walked out. Xander laughed at the sudden realization that Spike had no idea what he and Buffy were talking about.  
  
6 Part XX  
  
The robed figure looked into the cauldron, observing what occurred at the Hyperion Hotel. Seeing eye cauldrons were mighty handy that way.  
  
"Well, that was unexpected." A chuckle erupted from the figure's mouth. "Kind of funny, but unexpected."  
  
The figure looked around the room as if searching for spies. After a moment, it seemed satisfied because no one seemed to be watching. It looked back into the cauldron, viewing Xander and Spike as they finished their cookies and milk and said goodnight to each other.  
  
The figure turned from the cauldron, more serious. "Still, I wonder.that shouldn't have happened. I've planned for everything."  
  
The figure paused for a moment, lost in thought, finally shaking its head. "Nah, I'm ok. I'm not supposed to be paranoid. I've got to stay focused. I've got a job to do." It rubbed its temples. "Don't worry about it. It's of no consequence," it yelled to the sky. Satisfied, the annoying presence left the robed figure to continue its work.  
  
Despite its own reassurance, the mysterious figure turned back to the cauldron and watched. If someone could see past the hood the robed figure was wearing, he or she would have noticed the almost pleased smile on its face. "Or is it?" it said in a whisper. 


	7. For The Love Of Hair Gel

1 **Note: don't you just love these side notes? Well, we just wanted to say sorry for some of the spelling errors and grammatical mistakes in the story. We didn't notice them until after we posted them. We're just too lazy to spell check. And for some reason, random numbers are showing up at the beginning of some of the lines. We don't know why this is happening, but just ignore it cuz it has nothing to do with our story . . . it's not anything cryptic that ya would need to know in the future. Warning: There is one slightly angsty section in this chapter, but it isn't that long. Ok, we think that's all. We'll stop harassing you now.**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Annie: (from the next room over) Kellogg's!  
  
Kelley: What?!?!  
  
Annie: Kellogg's makes Lucky Charms!  
  
Kelley: What?!?!  
  
Shelley: No, General Mills does.  
  
Kelley: What?!?!  
  
Allison: Why didn't you say something last chapter when we were thinking about this?  
  
Shelley: No one asked me. Hey! Why are you guys in our fanfiction?  
  
Allison: Well, you're the writers. You figure it out.  
  
Kelley: What?!?!  
  
Shelley: (hits Kelley with a pillow) Take off your headphones when you're listening to us!  
  
Kelley: What?!?!  
  
Shelley: Never mind. Joss and Co. still own everything. Court didn't go too well today. Apparently, having fantasies about characters do not entitle you to their ownership. Oh well, maybe one day when we're richer than Bill Gates.  
  
Kelley: What?!?!  
  
Shelley: (ripping the headphones off Kelley's head) Shut up! The disclaimer is over!  
  
Kelley: (visibly upset) Even the part about Bill Gates?  
  
Shelley: Yes.  
  
Kelley: But - but . . .  
  
Shelley: Let it go, man. Let it go.  
  
2  
  
3 Part XXI  
  
Buffy came out of her room shortly after going to bed, due to a strange case of insomnia . . . or just the whole weirdness of what was going on. She closed the door quietly, then turned around. "Augh!" Angel jumped back. "Angel, you're doing the lurking thing again."  
  
He looked down. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."  
  
Buffy looked up at him. "What's wrong?" Angel rubbed the back of his head. "You look shaken up. Is it Xander?" Angel shook his head. Buffy bit her lip. "Well, what is it?"  
  
Angel looked at her uncomfortably and then spit it out. "It's that damn bird. I feel like it's watching my every move." Buffy bit her lip again, only this time to keep from laughing. Angel rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know. It's a laugh-a-minute. Spike and Xander are proof of that."  
  
Buffy touched Angel's cheek and smiled. "Look, everyone has a fear of something."  
  
Angel glared. "Yeah, too bad everyone sees the humor in mine."  
  
Buffy looked at him for a moment. "I don't think your fear is funny, Angel. It's just the way you refer to the bird. I mean, everyone has a fear that seems silly. Anya is afraid of rabbits. Xander is afraid of clowns. Willow is afraid of frogs." She shrugged.  
  
Angel blinked, lightly taking in what she said. After a moment, he looked at Buffy in a very worrisome face. "How are you feeling?"  
  
Buffy looked away then sighed. "I'm . . . fine, but still a little wigged."  
  
They looked at each other for awhile, then Buffy hugged Angel. They embraced, both happy to see each other, but not really sure what to say to each other.  
  
"This display of affection from you two is really quite . . . sickening."  
  
Buffy let go of Angel and turned to look at Spike.  
  
Angel glared. "Spike, is there a reason you are here?"  
  
Spike laughed. "You're my sire you git. Get over it!"  
  
Angel growled. "One of many regrets of my unlife."  
  
"You and me both, Peaches."  
  
Buffy sighed in exasperation. "Guys, shut up!" The two vampires looked at Buffy. "Are you trying to wake up all of L.A. or just the rest of the hotel again?" Spike and Angel mumbled a "sorry."  
  
Angel stepped back. "Well, I have things to do right now." He promptly walked away.  
  
Buffy and Spike watched him leave. "Weird night, huh, pet?"  
  
Buffy smiled. "Yeah. The whole bird thing, Xander's nightmare, Angel being bitch slapped by Xander.which actually hurt him physically." She shook her head. "Really wiggy."  
  
"Well, adrenaline does wacky things to a person, luv."  
  
"I was talking about the nightmare. Gave me goosebumps watching Xander. I wonder why they call them goosebumps. They don't look like geese.at least mine don't. Do vampires get goosebumps?"  
  
Spike shook his head, thinking 'Maybe she's nutty, but at least she doesn't think Mr. Gordo tells her things.' He smiled at the thought of his Dark Goddess.  
  
"Earth to Spike! Where'd ya go?"  
  
Spike snapped out of his thoughts. "You're weird, Slayer."  
  
"How long did it take you to figure that out?"  
  
The both sat down against the wall. Spike looked at Buffy and then away again.  
  
"Do you ever wonder why people become so bloody depressed when someone dies?" Buffy started to say something, but Spike cut her off. "I think that everyone superficially believes they are very sad at losing someone. If they looked deeper into their emotions though, I believe they'd realize they are jealous of the one who kicked the bucket. And you know why? I'll tell you why. They're jealous because the bloody pillock who died knows what is on the other side. They are in a different place. The living don't get to solve the mystery until they die. And it's not like the dead person can come back and really tell you what is on the other side." He stopped for a second, glanced at Buffy, and tilted his head. "Well, maybe in some cases, that isn't true. You could tell me what your version of Heaven was like, but it's not something you could talk about so easily . . . especially since you are back to this Hell on Earth. I suppose you'd rather not think about what you had to give up when you were pulled back into this life." He furrowed his brow. Buffy looked at him, mouth agape. He looked ahead again.  
  
"For those who die and don't get to come back, the story is different. The living get to worry about death and what the purpose of living really is. I mean, religions vary in their beliefs. You know? Some people aren't very religious at all. Even so, everyone still worries about the unknown. The thing about being a vampire is the fact I know I was cheated. I'll live forever, as long as no one stakes me. When that does happen though, I'll know what is waiting for me on the other side." He pauses.  
  
"That's why I hate Angel. With that soul, he's actually got a chance to know, since he is such a poofy do-gooder and all. As you can see, it all boils down to jealousy, which was my point from the very beginning. The only difference, I'm jealous because there is a spot in hell reserved for me. The Poof, on the other hand, has a pretty good chance at redemption, and sometimes I wonder if he even realizes how lucky he is. Maybe he is tortured with everything he did when he was Angelus, but he is making up for all those awful deeds now by turning to the side of good. It's bloody unfair if you ask me. But who am I to say what is fair and what isn't? I'm just a soulless vampire, a creature of the night."  
  
Buffy continued to stare at Spike, eyes wide, thinking about how scary it was that he actually made sense. What makes him so damn intuitive? For a soulless demon, he seemed to have a lot of insight, and it did seem rather unfair that he had eternal hell waiting for him on the other side. She looked down at Mr. Gordo, then back at Spike again. She actually felt bad for him, in a way. What a strange and unusual vampire. "Spike, you're weird."  
  
Spike smiled. "How long did it take you to figure that out, pet?" Buffy smiled back. She realized that right now she was enjoying Spike's company more than anyone else's. She reached over and kissed him on the cheek. Spike looks at her in surprise. "What was that for?"  
  
"For not constantly asking me how I am or acting like you have to tiptoe around my 'fragile psyche.' It gets kinda old after awhile. I mean, I'm glad that everyone cares about my well-being, but you are the only person who I can really stand to be around because you just say it like it is. You don't beat around the bush. It's just nice for a change."  
  
Spike chuckled to himself, thinking 'I just earned points with the Slayer. Way to go!'  
  
4 Part XXII  
  
Dawn hung up the phone, turning to the two people staring at her. They had both tried to listen in on the conversation while trying to seem indifferent.  
  
It didn't really work.  
  
A small smile curved Dawn's lips. "Well, we can take the Scoobies off the milk cartons. They're off bugging Angel." She scuffed her foot lightly. "And they didn't even take me with them."  
  
Giles sighed. "Are they quite all right?"  
  
"Well, Buffy tells me that Spike and Xander have bonded." She held up her hand. "Not in that WAY, Anya. The got plastered, sang karaoke, terrorized Angel, and eventually passed out. Willow's there too. Apparently she thought Xander had gotten himself into trouble. Turns out she was wrong, for once."  
  
Giles sat there silently for a moment trying to digest everything. The fact Dawn hadn't mentioned anything about Angel's reaction to Buffy's resurrection had comforted him a little.  
  
Dawn suddenly focused her attention to Anya. "Why are you here, anyway?"  
  
Anya blinked in surprise. "I'm waiting for Giles to stop denying his feelings for me and give me multiple orgasms." Giles groaned. Anya smiled. "Oooh! Progress!"  
  
Dawn rolled her eyes. "Sorry I asked."  
  
5 Part XXIII  
  
Angel slowly approached the vile creature, an ax gripped firmly in his hand. "I'll give you one chance. Give it up without a fight, and you won't become friendly with the ax."  
  
The creature only stared at him, unyielding. Angel took a step closer. "It's just you and me. Hand it over, and no one gets hurt."  
  
The creature continued to stare down the vampire. Gripping his ax tighter he hazarded another step forward.  
  
"ANGEL!" Cordelia screamed. "Put that ax down this instant!" She stomped over, snatched the ax, and gave him The Look. Angel studied his shoes intently. "Now Angel," she spoke as if to a five year old, "the bird is not going to hurt you."  
  
Angel frowned. "Someone put my hair gel in its cage."  
  
Spike chose that moment to enter the room. Giving the two as innocent a look as he could muster, he crossed the room, whistling a jaunty tune he had heard from Xander, and entered the kitchen. As the kitchen door closed, laughter erupted.  
  
Angel grabbed the ax back from Cordelia. "That's it. Soul or no soul, I'm sending them straight to hell."  
  
Cordelia grabbed his arm as he tried to get by her. "Angel, don't. You'll make a mess, and I don't want to have to order new furniture again."  
  
"But Cordy, my hair gel.!"  
  
"What's the matter? You can't even see your reflection." She paused, curiosity getting the best of her. "How do you even get it to look that way without looking in a mirror?"  
  
Angel smiled. "Trade secret." He changed his look to pleading. "Now, could you . . .maybe . . . " He jerked his head toward the cage.  
  
"Will I get a raise?" Angel just looked at her. "Fine!" She grabbed the hair gel from the cage. "I don't remember this being in the job description," she grumbled.  
  
"You're the one who bought the God-awful creature."  
  
"Don't make me use that ax on you, Angel."  
  
Part XXIV  
  
The music came out of nowhere, sounding like someone had just started playing a dusty, old record.  
  
Everyone stopped what they were doing and found themselves listening to the strange sound. No one was quite sure where the music came from, but it sounded oddly familiar, like something from a cheesy romantic movie.  
  
And that, of course, was the only way to describe the music - cheesy and overly sappy.  
  
Spike raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What the HELL is that?"  
  
*****  
  
Giles and Anya were confused. The music seemed to be coming from all around. Dawn came into the room and looked Giles and Anya. "What cheesy movie are you guys watching?"  
  
Giles and Anya both looked at each other and then at Dawn, furrowing their brows intensely. Anya shook her head. "Where is that music coming from?"  
  
Giles frowned. "I - I don't know, but it sounds vaguely familiar."  
  
The three looked around the entire room, trying to understand what was going on. Anya looked at Giles with a grin on her face. "You know, Giles. This is making me really horny. I think it would be nice of you to give me erotic pleasure right now.  
  
Dawn covered her ears and squealed. "Guys! Eeew!"  
  
Giles took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Anya, that was higly inappropriate."  
  
Dawn chimed in. "And did I mention eeew?"  
  
Anya pouted, looking at Giles with puppy dog eyes. "But the music is just so, so . . . fine. Will you at least cook me some food?"  
  
Giles mumbled and rolled his eyes.  
  
Dawn sighed in exasperation, and out of nowhere, "Either give her something to eat or eat her out!" Her eyes widened. "Oh God!" She ran out of the room embarrassed.  
  
Anya smiled and patted Giles on the knee. Giles shook his head and muttered, "My word."  
  
*****  
  
Wesley and Gunn shrugged in response to Spike's question. Everyone turned towards the direction they thought the music was coming from. Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Where have I heard this music before?"  
  
Willow shrugged. "I don't know. It sounds so familiar!" The two girls looked at each other confused until Buffy gets a thought.  
  
"Xander! Has anyone cast a love spell for you lately?"  
  
Xander huffed in astonishment. "I'm not responsible for THAT music!" He listened intently for a moment, then his eyes narrowed in suspicion. Buffy and Willow glanced at him curiously. He quickly recovered with his best goofy smile. "Sounds like an old timey sappy record.that's all."  
  
He quickly exited the room, an idea forming in his mind. He walked towards the nearest door and opened it with a flourish. "I knew it!" he whispered loudly. Without a moment's hesitation, he slammed the door and walked back to the kitchen quickly. Everyone looked at him expectantly.  
  
Buffy cleared her throat. "Well, what was it?"  
  
Xander shook his head quickly. "Nothing important." 


	8. Mixed Signals And Double Vision

1 **Note: We're just as busy as bees when it comes to updating this story. Don't expect this kinda treatment for much longer. We have all but the very ending of the story written and Christmas break is coming up. *To HeavenlySlayer, the answer to your question about Buffy lies within.* Also, this story really is going somewhere, we promise. It may take awhile, but we really do have a plot.**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Kelley: Ok, here we go. Joss and Co. be---  
  
Shelley: Not another one! Do we have to do this ALL the time?  
  
Kelley: Unfortunately, yes. We can't afford a lawsuit. Heck, we can't afford college. I'll be paying off the last two years of college for the next fifty years of my life . . . unless I become a famous actress, which is highly unlikely.  
  
Shelley: But I wanna go to bed!  
  
Kelley: And you can, as soon as we post this.  
  
Shelley: But I wanna go now! It's late for someone who stayed up till four in the morning with a nine o'clock class slowly approaching.  
  
Kelley: Is that my fault? NO, I don't think so! Now let's get this finished! I have a few papers to write and some homework to do.  
  
Shelley: Fine, Joss and Co. own Buffy and all characters. If you actually thought we owned them, I have some ocean front property in Kentucky to sell you.  
  
Kelley: Ok, that was just dumb.  
  
Shelley: Sorry, I'm sleep deprived.  
  
Kelley: Stop your Giles-like complaining and GO TO BED!  
  
Shelley: Hey, don't say that about Giles! He's cool.  
  
Kelley: I'm talking about the use of big words and . . . dammit! This shoulda been over five minutes ago, Shelley!  
  
Shelley: Ok. Me tired. Want sleep. Night night.  
  
Kelley: Sure. Whatever. Where's a club when I need one?  
  
2  
  
3 Part XXV  
  
Dawn sat at the table and sighed. She stared off with an extremely annoyed look on her face. Giles and Anya were fighting . . . again.  
  
It had been a long day. Drumming her fingers, she began to wonder if Buffy was ever going to come back. Giles was worried about Buffy, and Anya was just being her usual horny self.  
  
She suddenly found herself listening to their bickering again just in time to hear Anya say, "Giles! Why won't you admit you just have feelings for me?"  
  
Giles clenched his jaw. "Anya, what do you want from me?"  
  
"Sex."  
  
"Do your feelings go any deeper than that, Anya?"  
  
"Deeper." She smiled. "You have no idea!" She sighed. "Geez, what are you so afraid of? Don't you dare tell me the age difference is a problem. I'm over a thousand years older than you are." She paused, pondering her last statement. "Oh, that sounds bad. But, but Giles! Don't look at it that way! Think of it as more of a 'wow, a young girl wants my hot, sexy bod.'"  
  
Giles furrowed his brow and Dawn banged her head on the table. She had finally had enough.  
  
"God, guys! What is wrong with you? All you ever do is fight and argue and fight! It never stops! I'm gonna go crazy!"  
  
She stood up and began pacing back and forth, feeling a good rant coming on. "If you guys would look further into what you are saying to each other, then maybe you would stop fighting long enough for you to realize that Anya means she wants more than just sex all the time and Giles doesn't want to lose someone he loves again. I don't know why I can see it so clearly yet you are so blind to it! I'm supposed to be the kid here!"  
  
Dawn stopped for a moment, waiting for their response. Giles and Anya only stared at her mutely, like she'd grown another head. What, she couldn't have intelligent thoughts? Was she just supposed to scream whenever trouble came? It made her so mad.  
  
"Be happy you have each other right now! OK? My sister has been in L.A. for what seems like years. I've seen her for just a short while. Then she ran off to see Angel. Sometimes I wonder if she is even thinking about me! And here you are just fighting and not thinking about what you have right this very moment."  
  
Her emotions tackled her for a moment, and she had to take a deep breath before going on. "I just wish that Buffy would come back."  
  
She looked down at the table and sighed. "I have to go. I need to get out for awhile." She stormed out of the house, without uttering even so much as a goodbye.  
  
Anya watched her leave and then turned to Giles. "Oooooookay." She cocked her head to the side and smiled. "So, did you hear that? I think she has a good point."  
  
Giles was not amused. "Anya! Can we just drop it?!?"  
  
Anya gasped, taken aback by his sudden outburst. I'm sorry . . . I'm sorry for thinking you are such a great man. I can't help feeling this way . . ." She was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Ugh. I'll get it!" Giles watched her with a guilty look on his face. "Tara, what are you doing here?" Anya questioned.  
  
Tara had a wild look in her eyes that Anya had never seen there before. She noticed Tara's hands shaking as she tried to speak. "Wh-where's Willow?"  
  
Anya stared at Tara, not sure what to make of her extreme display of nervousness. "My, you're looking twitchy and shaky today."  
  
Tara grabbed Anya by the shoulders and shook her ferociously. "Where is she?!?!?"  
  
Giles abruptly walked up and separated the girls. "She is in L.A. Buffy called recently. That's where they all are." He paused for a second, looking Tara up and down. "Tara, are you quite all right?"  
  
Tara ignored Giles' question. "They are ALL in L.A.?"  
  
Anya rolled her eyes in obvious irritation. "Yes! All of them . . . a mass exodus following a drunken Xander and Spike. Angel is most likely brooding at this very moment because of it all."  
  
Tara suddenly jerked back as if she had been struck. Her eyes glowed for an instant. "It's starting."  
  
Giles glanced nervously at Tara. "What . . . "  
  
His question was cut off by Tara's loud incantations. Moments later, both Giles and Anya slumped to the ground, unconscious.  
  
Tara stared at the two blankly as two large, robed figures approached her and dragged Anya and Giles the rest of the way into the house.  
  
From her hiding spot, Dawn gasped in shock.  
  
4 Part XXVI  
  
Buffy sat on a couch in the lobby of the Hyperion, watching everyone interact with each other. They all pointedly ignored that she was still carrying around Mr. Gordo.  
  
'Funny how people tend to ignore you when they think you're crazy, simply based on the fact that you rarely talk and carry around a stuffed animal as though it were a security blanket. Deviance, labeling theory, and all that jazz. See, I did learn something last year before I died. I can brood with the best of them.' She laughed to herself at her own thoughts and smirked triumphantly.  
  
Spike came and sat next to her. "See anything interesting, pet?"  
  
Buffy grinned. "Yeah." She thought to herself. 'Dammit! Why does he have to be so observant?'  
  
"Are you and Willow still avoiding each other?"  
  
"Kind of." She thought about how Willow always left the room every time she entered. Except for earlier, when the strange music came up. 'Maybe things will get better soon' she thought with a sigh. "I think things are getting better. She talked to me earlier without even thinking about it."  
  
"The Poofter and the Cheerleader are making googoo eyes at each other."  
  
Buffy snorted. "Yeah, I noticed."  
  
"Jealous, luv?"  
  
Buffy thought for a moment then shrugged. "Not really. It's kinda cute. He's happy, but not in an evil Angelus why-don't-we-torture-people-with- chainsaws kinda way."  
  
Spike stared at the Slayer with a dumbfounded look on his face.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Hello! Angelus! Chain saw fetish! Were you even paying attention when you were pretending to still be paralyzed?"  
  
Spike chuckled. "Oh yeah. I remember. Librarian in the carpet."  
  
Now it was Buffy's turn to look dumbfounded. "Ewww. Never mind. I don't want to know."  
  
"What happened to 'Nobody messes with my boyfriend?'"  
  
"It's Cordelia. She's worked with him for two years. She can mess with him all she wants . . . Oh, gosh! Did I just say that out loud?" She gave Spike an evil look that wiped the smirk right off his face. "Anyway, she practically controls his life . . . unlife anyways."  
  
"He's a bloody whipped vamp." He paused for a moment. "So, you're just friends?"  
  
Buffy quirked an eyebrow. "You and I both know that will never happen. There is no way to describe what we are to each other."  
  
Spike nodded. "Fair enough." The both turned their attention to Gunn and Wesley. "Looks like Junior Watcher has given up tweed."  
  
"Yeah." Buffy tilted her head. "And what is up with that guy Gunn? What kinda name is Gunn anyway?"  
  
"It's his last name, Slayer. Used to lead a group of homeless kids that fought against the vampires in their neighborhood. Helped out Angel and company a couple of times before he joined the crusade."  
  
Buffy smiled. "He's kinda cute too." Spike arched his eyebrow. "How do you know so much about him, Spike?"  
  
"Know thy enemy, even if he is your poof of a grandsire."  
  
Buffy nodded in agreement. "Good advice."  
  
"When you can snatch the pebble from my hand, you can leave, Grasshopper."  
  
Buffy looked at Spike as if he were insane. "Whatever you say."  
  
Spike rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on! Kung Fu! It's only a classic!"  
  
"And by classic, you mean old, right Spike? And you are totally old. So I guess that makes you a classic too," Buffy retorted.  
  
"Ha bloody ha, Slayer."  
  
Xander laughed. "Hah! Grasshopper. Good one."  
  
"See? The whelp knows what I'm talking about, and he isn't a classic like me. Wait a second. I AM NOT A CLASSIC!"  
  
Buffy looked at Spike with a puzzled look on her face. "There's one thing I haven't been able to figure out. What the hell is up with you and Xander?"  
  
Spike looked down. "Nothing." Buffy glared at him. "All right." He got quiet. "He's my friend. Cor, I can't believe I admitted that."  
  
"But he has hated vampires since he found out about them!"  
  
"One of the many reasons he's smarter than he looks." He looked at Buffy and grinned. "Vampires are bloodsucking monsters! Xander found out you can make personal exceptions." He shrugged. "I don't generally like humans either. Of course, the whelp and I, we've both been dumped by demons now."  
  
Buffy's eyes opened wide. "Stop right there! I missed something. Xander and Anya broke up? What happened?"  
  
"Xander caught his demon and your watcher snoggin'."  
  
Buffy crinkled her nose. "Oh my god! Ewww!"  
  
"That's about what Harris said too."  
  
Buffy thoughtfully looked at Xander. "He looks like he hasn't been sleeping well."  
  
"Yeah. I think it's his dreams. My keen sense of vampire hearing has awakened me every bleedin' night cause of it."  
  
Buffy frowned. "He hasn't said anything."  
  
"When does he ever say anything that draws attention to his problems? I'm not saying he's a bleedin' saint or that I even really care for that matter . . . " Spike's words trailed off.  
  
Buffy shook her head. "Wow. You guys really are friends."  
  
Spike scowled. "Don't remind me." He paused for a moment. "We're gonna have to call him on his dreams soon."  
  
Buffy sighed heavily. "Yeah."  
  
Fred took Xander some coffee. Spike smiled. "That Fred is a strange bird."  
  
Buffy interjected. "I think Wesley likes her."  
  
"She is cute in a fragile, skittish kinda way."  
  
Buffy laughed. "All she needs is visions and she'd be perfect for you."  
  
Spike gave her a goofy grin. "Jealous, pet?"  
  
Buffy responded quickly. "No! Why would I be?"  
  
"If you say so, Slayer."  
  
She elbowed Spike in the ribs. "Cut it out!"  
  
He winked at her. "Your secret is safe with me."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes dramatically. "Whatever, fang face."  
  
Cordelia suddenly cried out in pain as Xander fell to the floor. Buffy and Spike looked at each other then ran to Xander as Angel caught a falling Cordelia.  
  
Gunn looked from Cordelia to Xander. "This is getting TOO weird."  
  
Angel sat on the ground and held Cordelia against him. Willow was at Xander's side in a second.  
  
Gunn smiled wryly. "Great. Now we have double vision." Someone groaned at Gunn's stupid play on words.  
  
Willow looked up nervously. "But Xander's never had visions and I don't think he's been kissing Cordy lately."  
  
Angel looked up. "What are you talking about? No one's been kissing Cordelia." He quickly focused back on the girl in his arms.  
  
Cordelia cried out. "Ow! All pain! No vision . . . well nothing visible, but I could hear a lot. There was a lot of fear and pain but I could not tell from where. I heard someone crying."  
  
Xander shakes his head. "Owwww! What was that?"  
  
Willow looked down at Xander. "Have you been kissing Cordelia?"  
  
Xander furrowed his brow. "What? No! Why would I be kissing Cordelia?"  
  
Buffy thought. "Met any new demons lately?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
Angel looked at Xander with a confused glance. "Did you see anything?"  
  
Xander closed his eyes. "I saw Tara curled in a ball, shaking. At least, I think it was Tara. It was dark and hard to see."  
  
Everyone looked at Xander. Wesley thought out loud. "What is that supposed to mean?"  
  
Spike interjected. "Better question. Why is the whelp the one getting the bloody headaches?"  
  
"Yeah! Why am I the buttmonkey again? Why do I get all the sucky jobs?"  
  
Cordelia sighed. "I've been wondering the same thing about myself for the past two years."  
  
Everyone turned when they heard footsteps running into the lobby of the Hyperion. Dawn stopped when she saw what was going on. "What's wrong with Xander and Cordelia?"  
  
Buffy ran and hugged Dawn. "Dawn! What are you doing here?"  
  
"Look! Someone read the sign and came in without knocking! Yay, it's a normal hotel again!" Cordelia cried as joyfully as she could with a splitting headache.  
  
Dawn took a shaky breath. "Guys, something weird is going on."  
  
"You're telling us, Nibblet." Spike noticed the freaked out look on Dawn's face. "Dawn, what happened? What's wrong?"  
  
"Tara put the whammy on Anya and Giles."  
  
Willow jumped up. "She what? She would never hurt anyone!"  
  
Dawn quickly interrupted. "I saw her! She put a spell on them to knock them out and then two demons came and dragged them in the house. I didn't know where to go so I came here as fast as I could."  
  
Spike raised an eyebrow. "How'd ya get here?"  
  
"I kinda . . . stole a car." Dawn looked around the room.  
  
"Way to go, Lil Bit!"  
  
Xander smiled. Buffy glared. "What?"  
  
Spike corrected himself. I mean, bad move."  
  
Xander chuckled. "Yeah. Bad Dawn."  
  
Buffy glared at the two men even more.  
  
Cordelia decided to draw attention back to the problem at hand. "Why did me and Xander have a vision about Tara being in trouble if she is the bad guy . . . girl?"  
  
Dawn gaped at Xander. "Xander had a vision?"  
  
Wesley stepped in. "Ok, I suggest we go to the Host in regards to this dilemma."  
  
Cordelia groaned. "What, is the Host a psychic cure all for all our problems now?"  
  
Spike and Xander groaned and spoke at the same time. "Does this mean we have to sing again?"  
  
Buffy laughed. "Now there's a sight I'd like to see."  
  
Gunn spoke up. "Well, we'd better hurry up and get there before anything else happens."  
  
Angel helped Cordelia stand up, Spike and Buffy helped Xander stand up, and they all headed back to Caritas, hoping drinks would be on the house. They had a feeling they were going to need them. 


	9. What About My Aura?

1 **Note: We actually did some research for this chapter! We knew nothing about what the colors of auras meant, until we looked them up. If they're not correct, it's not our fault. Get over it! Booyah. Hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as we enjoyed writing it.**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Shelley: Aaaah! Look at the numbers! They keep showing up in our chapters at random. Aliens are trying to communicate through the internet. We have to start a resistance. Vive la resistance!  
  
Kelley: Ladies and gentlemen, Shelley Ladd, conspiracy theorist.  
  
Shelley: Shut up.  
  
Kelley: You shut up!  
  
Shelley: I'll just say I told you so when aliens take over the world and turn us into mindless slaves.  
  
Kelley: Uh-huh. So anyway, Joss . . .  
  
Shelley: You know it's true. Don't deny the fear, Kelley!  
  
Kelley: Whatever. As I was saying, Joss and Co. still own and will forever own the very characters we so love to manipulate.  
  
Shelley: Until the aliens take control, that is, crushing our pathetic attempts to fight back and taking away our television.  
  
Kelley: Um, rrrrrrright. You OBVIOUSLY need to stop sniffing those markers.  
  
2  
  
3 Part XXVII  
  
The intrepid heroes entered a packed Caritas. The Host spotted the group immediately and rushed up to Xander and Spike. "I knew you two crazy kids would be back! You put on quite a show last time."  
  
Spike grimaced. "Great, he remembers us."  
  
The Host smiled. "I could never forget an aura like yours, blondie."  
  
"Hey, watch what you say about my aura!" Spike paused. "What about my aura?"  
  
The Host looked at him thoughtfully. "Well, let's just say that I have never seen a vampire with your color aura before."  
  
Spike tapped his foot impatiently. "Yeah, what of it?"  
  
The Host looked Spike square in the eyes. "You have a decent one, for starters."  
  
"Bloody hell. How do I get rid of it?"  
  
The Host laughed. "Trust me, if becoming a demon didn't get rid of it, nothing will."  
  
Buffy grinned. "Well, what color is it?"  
  
The Host cocked his head. "It's mostly . . . " He chuckled. ". . . magenta. Haven't seen one of those in awhile."  
  
Spike crinkled his nose. "Magenta? What kinda nancy boy color is that? What does it mean?"  
  
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "It means you're a freak, Spike, which is something we could have told you without the Host."  
  
The Host spoke back up. "Magenta basically means that you don't follow the rules --- you defy the laws of nature."  
  
Cordelia sighed. "Once again, something we already knew!"  
  
The Host glared at Cordelia and continued. "Naturally, you have orange in there because you are a thrill seeker. What really catches my attention is the blue."  
  
Cordelia squealed. "Blue?? BLUE?!?"  
  
Xander quipped, "Since when did you become all new-age, Cordy?"  
  
Spike looked annoyed. "I'm afraid to ask, but I will. What does the bloody blue mean?"  
  
The Host grinned. "It's a color of high emotion. Ya think with your heart."  
  
Spike shook his head. "My heart doesn't even beat! Oh god! Am I turning into a Great Poofter?"  
  
The Host shook his head. "Oh no. Angel's is a nice shade of violet. The closest you come to anyone is probably Junior over there." He pointed at Xander.  
  
"Bloody fantastic." I'm turning into a whelp."  
  
Angel whined. "Why do I get violet?"  
  
The Host sighed. "Because you have a destiny, Angelface, much like the Slayer."  
  
Now it was Buffy's turn to ask. "What? Violet? Dammit!"  
  
The Host rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Don't worry, kiddo. The orange adds a little spice."  
  
"Wait! What about me having a blue aura?" Xander asked loudly.  
  
"If you want the full scoop, you gotta sing," the Host replied with a smile.  
  
"That's not fair! Spike didn't have to sing!"  
  
"Well, his aura is flashing like a beacon. Yours is hiding."  
  
"Dammit!" He looked at the Host pleadingly. "Do I have to go up to the front and sing?"  
  
"Come on Xand-man!" Buffy playfully punched his arm. "I've never seen you sing!"  
  
Xander sighed. "Oh, all right, but only cuz you died!" He smiled. "You can even pick out the song."  
  
"Oh goody!" Buffy dragged Xander off.  
  
Cordelia looked at the Host. "How does Spike have a blue aura? Spike! He's a soulless vampire! Helping people does not rank that high on his list."  
  
Angel looked at Corelia thoughtfully. "Well, he did take care of Drusilla for a hundred years."  
  
"And he takes care of me. He let Glory beat the crap out of him to keep me safe." Dawn smiled at her favorite blonde vampire.  
  
"A-and he patrolled with us ALL summer!" Willow exclaimed.  
  
Angel and Cordelia stared in disbelief.  
  
"All right, all right. They get the bloody point!"  
  
Xander tapped the microphone, getting everyone's attention. "Heh, I think it's on. This could be a good time to tell you a joke about a vampire, a dog, and an eggbeater, but judging by some of your unhappy growls, I guess I'll start singing." He smiled mischievously. "Everyone remember, the Slayer picked this one. Just go with the lyrics folks!"  
  
Angel could not suppress the feeling of impending doom those words invoked.  
  
Xander began. "You put your right arm in/ you take your right arm out/ you put your . . . "  
  
"Oh God! Oh God! I don't know him." Cordelia hid her face in shame because she actually knew this guy.  
  
Dawn ran to Buffy and they joined in the song. Spike laughed.  
  
Fred jumped up and down with glee. "Oh! The Hokey Pokey!" She dragged Wesley and Gunn with her and joined in as well.  
  
Angel looked at all the demons who had joined in, looked at the Host who smiled innocently, and glared. "You knew he was going to do that, didn't you?"  
  
"Oh come on! You think he'd actually miss an opportunity like this, Peaches?" Spike smirked.  
  
Spike and the Host watched in amusement as Xander sang the longest rendition of the Hokey Pokey in the entire history of humanity (well maybe not that drastic). Accounting for extra arms, legs, tentacles, heads, and miscellaneous parts, it took over fifteen minutes and had the entire crowd at Caritas up on their feet (hooves, tentacles, etc.) and singing.  
  
"You put your left head in/ you take your left head out . . . " Xander bopped his head up and down with a very goofy grin on his face.  
  
Finally, the song ended, much to the disappointment of the rest of the bar with the notable exception of Angel and Cordelia.  
  
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "I can't believe I ever dated that guy!"  
  
"Why didn't I kill him when I had the chance?" Angel stared blankly at the brunette singing sensation.  
  
Buffy and Dawn rushed back over to the group, panting from the workout.  
  
Dawn gasped. "That totally rocked!"  
  
Buffy giggled. "Only Xander could get a bunch of demons to do the Hokey Pokey. I've never seen a Borac demon dance. All those tentacles, waving in the air!" She dissolved into a fit of laughter.  
  
Xander came back over and high fived Spike. "That was fan-fucking-tastic, whelp! I haven't laughed that hard since Peaches got drunk one night, started trying on Dru's dresses and carried on numerous conversations with Miss Edith."  
  
Cordelia snorted, then covered her mouth to stifle her laughter.  
  
"All right, I sang. So, what's the verdict? What's up with my aura? And while you're at it, what's with the visions?"  
  
"First things first, come here." The Host grabbed Xander's hand and led him over to Cordelia. "Grab Dollface's hand for a sec."  
  
Xander did as he was told. "Okay. I've got her hand, now wh- aaaaaaaaaaah!"  
  
Xander and Cordelia both experienced the dual visions once again. Angel instinctively ran to Cordelia, but the Host stopped him. "Hold it, Tiger. You need to let this run its course."  
  
After a few moments, Cordelia and Xander fell to the ground, their hands still clasped. Eventually, they opened their eyes and looked at each other in shock.  
  
Cordelia, looking thoroughly pissed, addressed the Host. "Thanks, Lorne. That was SO helpful. I still didn't see anything. This time I didn't hear anything either. And it STILL hurt like hell!"  
  
Gunn muttered in annoyance. "Well, that leaves us with a big, fat nothing."  
  
Wesley spoke out loud, not really meaning to. "It could be feasible that what you felt wasn't just the physical pain of receiving the vision, but part of the vision itself, a manifestation, if you will, of the suffering of the individual or individuals needing our assistance."  
  
Buffy and Dawn spoke in unison. "HUH?"  
  
Willow giggled. "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to pain, pain leads to suffering, suffering leads to painful visions."  
  
Spike chuckled wryly. He looked at Xander and noticed him still sitting on the ground, lost in thought. "Hey, whelp, you okay?"  
  
Xander stared with a far off look on his face. "We need to get back to Sunnydale."  
  
Angel replied. "What?"  
  
Xander sighed. "Tara, Anya, Giles . . . ow!"  
  
Everyone stared in confusion. After a moment, Xander's headache ebbed a little bit and he looked up. "Come on guys! What does a vision usually mean? They're. In. Trouble."  
  
Everyone promptly snapped out of their stupors.  
  
As if suddenly enlightened with the idea, Buffy spoke. "We have to get back to Sunnydale!"  
  
Spike and Xander exchanged a look, shrugged, and rolled their eyes. Spike helped Xander up, and they did as the Slayer said (as night follows day). 


	10. Not Another Head Injury

1 **Note: When Giles returned from England, we just decided to have him move back into his old apartment. We didn't really feel like taking the time to get him moved into somewhere else. He just kept his apartment as a second home.**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Kelley: My goodness, Shelley! If you're gonna make a fort, do it in your own room!  
  
Shelley: (looking from her pillow fort) I have to be close to the computer! Not only are we writing, but I have to email La Resistance!  
  
Kelley: Well, Shelley, seeing that have overturned our bunk beds, stolen every pillow in the apartment, not to mention your Evil Dead pictures, and had a bathroom installed . . .  
  
Shelley: You know THIS is for protection, Kelley!  
  
Kelley: (sighs) You are so full of shit!  
  
Shelley: Oh yeah? What about the numbers?  
  
Kelley: (looking nervously in Shelley's direction) Joss and Co. still own it all. Yadda yadda yadda. Maybe we can sneak Spike and Xander in here!  
  
Shelley: The numbers! They're still showing up in our story, aren't they?  
  
Kelley: Um, yeah. (turns to Shelley) You think my computer cord will reach all the way over to the corner?  
  
Shelley: Not a problem. I even have an extra pith helmet for you!  
  
Kelley: (smiles) This could be kinda interesting. (gets up and moves to the fort with Shelley) Yay! Pith helmets!  
  
2  
  
3 Part XXVIII  
  
Giles slowly opened his eyes and groaned. He put his hand up to his forehead and rolled his head to the side. "Oh . . . ow. My head --- wait. My head isn't hurting. Funny, I remember being knocked out, and from my experience people usually wake up with a splitting headache after being knocked unconscious, even if it was with a large bat or a magic spell. And the splitting headache always miraculously subsides or does not interfere with the person who is having to fight back. I'm awake aren't I?" He smacked his forehead. "Oh yes. I'm awake. Why doesn't my head hurt?"  
  
He looked around the room and noticed Anya, who was still unconscious. He thought 'I wonder what kind of spell that was. Anya is still out of it. She looks like she is sleeping though. Wow, she looks really pretty when she is sleeping . . . not that she isn't always pretty. Actually, she's more than pretty. She's . . woah there Giles! Where did THAT come from? You don't love Anya, remember? Wait, why not? Because you look like her father, Ripper and her patterns of thought are pretty disturbing at that. Disturbing thought processes can be a good thing though. Bad, bad Giles!' He continued to fight with his inner Ripper and then looked away suddenly. "Ok, that was a very disconcerting inner monologue."  
  
He looked to the other side and noticed Tara, sitting in a chair, her head bent down. Giles furrowed his brow. He definitely never saw Tara coming . . . well, her attack or whatever that was. He always thought she had been so sweet and not evil. Why the sudden change of heart?  
  
At that moment, Tara looked up. She had been crying. She wiped her eyes quickly and all emotion was erased from her face. Giles frowned and looked at Tara thoughtfully. Something was off. And it wasn't just the fact that Tara had suddenly gone psycho on her friends . . . something else seemed off, as though she were completely torn in two.  
  
"Tara? What's going on?"  
  
Tara bit her lip then whispered. "Oh, Giles. I - I am so . . . so sorry. Please don't ask anymore questions."  
  
"Tara, don't do this. At least let Anya go."  
  
A tear trickled down her cheek. "You don't understand! Please, Giles! Don't ask anymore questions! Don't ask me anything!" She grabbed her head and started to cry again. "Stop it! I haven't said anything! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!"  
  
Giles was distracted suddenly when he heard Anya begin to stir. Tara regained her composure. "Giles. Don't think about trying anything! They'll know! They'll find out!" She began sobbing yet again. "I'm not going to let you get away with this!"  
  
Giles became more confused, unsure of who she was speaking to at the moment. Anya opened her eyes and looked around. Tara was upset and Giles appeared to be utterly lost. Suddenly she remembered what happened. She jumped up and ran towards Tara. "You bitch! What are you doing?"  
  
Giles screamed out in alarm. "No, Anya, don't!"  
  
Tara looked up quickly, her eyes glowing once again as Anya was thrown backwards by an invisible force. Anya cried out and Giles ran to her. "Anya, are you all right?"  
  
She blinked rapidly for a few seconds. "What is going on here?"  
  
"I don't know. Tara's been acting strangely ever since I woke up"  
  
Anya rolled her eyes. "Ya think?"  
  
Giles continued. "One minute she is apologizing and the next she is threatening me or crying. It's bizarre."  
  
"Silence!" Tara's eyes glowed with anger. "Not one more word from you two!"  
  
Anya glared and shook her head slowly. "Oh no! She did not just tell me to shut up!"  
  
Giles grabbed Anya's shoulder. "Anya, shush! I'm not sure how dangerous she is!"  
  
"Oh goddess!" Tara grabbed her head. "Make it stop!" She looked up, eyes glowing once more. "If you want to see your dear Anya alive you will remain silent, Ripper!"  
  
Giles eyes widened and he looked at Anya who was visibly shaking. Giles silently pulled her into a hug and rocked back and forth. Anya suddenly remembered Dawn. "Where's Dawn?" she whispered.  
  
Giles tensed up and stopped rocking. He looked at her, knowing she was as worried as he was. He had no idea what to do and said nothing out of fear of something happening to Anya.  
  
Tara sniffled. "She's safe." She began whispering. "She's with everyone else, but they're heading back here! No! They're waiting for them to return from L.A. They don't know about them, unless the spell I cast on Xander worked. I don't know. Something doesn't seem quite right."  
  
Anya's head was spinning. Tara's mindless babbling had confused her. Who knew and didn't know about who or what and what in the world was she just talking about?!? "Who's waiting for who? What did you just say? It made no sense."  
  
Tara whipped her head towards Anya. "Quiet! They know when you are talking! They know what's going on! One of them is psychic!" She grabbed her head yet again. "Aaaaugh! Giles will die if you don't quiet down. Got it, Anya?"  
  
Anya looked Tara directly in the eyes. "What did you do to Xander?"  
  
Tara just grabbed her head and curled up in pain. After a few seconds, she gripped the sides of her chair until her knuckles turned white and she met their gazes. "It wasn't meant for him. I sent out a cry for help. I - I thought that Willow would get it c - cuz we're so close. Or Cordelia because she gets visions from the P - Powers that Be. I don't know why, but I think Xander got it. A - at least that's what it looked like when I saw them in the cauldron." Suddenly her eyes grew wide in fear. "Oh no! They're coming!"  
  
Anya turned her head slowly to look at Giles. "Who's coming?" She looked at Tara again. "What are you talking about?"  
  
Immediately the door of their prison burst open.  
  
"Tara, my dear witch, you've been a naughty girl."  
  
Giles watched the two figures that had just entered and understood the magnitude of Tara's hysteria.  
  
4 Part XXIX  
  
Everyone prepared to head out the next night right after sunset.  
  
"I am NOT riding anywhere with Spike," Angel said indignantly. "Knowing him, that car hasn't been cleaned in decades."  
  
"Eew! I'm with Angel on this. I don't think Spike's car would make it more than a few blocks." Cordelia went and stood next to Angel.  
  
"Hey, don't say that!" Spike glared. "You'll hurt her feelings."  
  
Cordelia let out a quick laugh. "You named your car?"  
  
Xander smirked. "Christine?"  
  
Spike smiled. "That's only her pet name. When she's being a bitch, I call her . . . Buffy."  
  
Buffy smacked his arm. "Hey!"  
  
Spike laughed. "Sorry, pet. Couldn't resist."  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows and smirked. "Well, your car is the only thing you can kick around with that chip in your head."  
  
"Chip? What chip?" Angel was suddenly very interested in what had been going on in Spike's unlife for the past couple of years.  
  
Xander shook his head quickly. "Long story. Don't ask. We might tell ya later. I just wanna get going so I can sleep all the way back to Sunnydale."  
  
After much arguing, threatening of bodily harm, and whining, everyone finally sorted out the driving arrangements. Cordelia, the Host, and Willow were in Angel's car . . . the Host called shotgun (he would), leaving Cordelia and Willow to share the back. Buffy, Dawn, and Xander were left to the mercy of Spike's car. Wesley, Gunn, and Fred decided to stay behind.  
  
Buffy climbed into the passenger seat after Dawn and Xander climbed into the back. Xander laid his head in Dawn's lap. Xander sighed. "Yay, sleep!"  
  
Dawn giggled. "Hey! No fair! I'm tired too! Hello, I was up all night driving."  
  
Xander grinned. "Yeah we know. And we love you so much you little kleptomaniac."  
  
After awhile, Xander and Dawn both fell asleep; Xander's head in Dawn's lap and her head resting on his back.  
  
"Aww! That's just SO adorable. I think I'm gonna heave!" Spike snickered.  
  
"Aw c'mon! They're CUTE! I still can't believe they actually fell asleep with you driving like a maniac."  
  
"Like you could do any better, Slayer. You don't even have a license."  
  
Buffy glared. "Well neither do you!"  
  
"Do too!" Spike grinned evilly. "I stole one."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes and changed the radio station. The Backstreet Boys blared through the speakers. Spike winced in pain and almost hit a car. Xander and Dawn remained completely oblivious. "Is that REAL music? Or is it a new form or torture?"  
  
"Oh yes! Designed just to torture you, Spike!"  
  
Spike clenched his jaw and began drumming his fingers on his steering wheel. He scowled when he realized his drumming matched the beat of the song. "Bloody hell! I hate this kind of music! It gets stuck in your head for days."  
  
Buffy laughed in wicked delight.  
  
Meanwhile, the occupants of Angel's car insisted on bugging the Host about Xander's aura.  
  
The Host shook his head. "It's not the time to tell!"  
  
Cordelia pouted. "Spoil sport! You just want to keep us in suspense forever, don't you?"  
  
The Host smiled. "No, of course not. I think Junior should hear it first."  
  
Willow raised an eyebrow. "You don't know, do you?"  
  
The Host turned to look at the red haired witch, then turned back to the front of the car. "Not a clue. That boy is confusing."  
  
Angel nodded. "I coulda told you that. Look at who he's best buds with all of a sudden . . . my favorite childe."  
  
"Tell me about it," Cordelia agreed. "I guess he hates you way more than he hates Spike."  
  
"Thanks Cordy. Thanks a lot. Your sympathy is really amazing."  
  
Willow interrupted. "Say, did you guys hear that really cheesy music the other day?"  
  
Cordelia and Angel both responded quickly. "No!" "What music?"  
  
Willow shook her head. "Uh, never mind."  
  
Cordelia quickly thought of something else to talk about. "You know, Spike and Xander actually being friends is almost as weird as Buffy and Spike's hidden attraction for each other."  
  
Angel looked in the rear view mirror. "What?"  
  
Cordelia smiled. "You haven't noticed?"  
  
Two hours later, Angel was still brooding as both cars approached the city limits of Sunnydale. One driver approached with trepidation, the other with wreckless abandonment. Angel headed straight for Giles' house. Spike took a slight detour.  
  
"What are you doing, Spike?" Buffy watched Angel's car head in a different direction.  
  
"It's a tradition, luv."  
  
Buffy covered her eyes. "Spike, watch out!" She squealed.  
  
Unfortunately, the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign never stood a chance against Spike's DeSoto. Spike smiled to himself. "Home sweet home."  
  
Xander and Dawn awoke right after the collision. Xander looked up. "What? What was that? Did we just hit someone?"  
  
Buffy hit Spike's arm. "Spike just slayed the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign. And he did it on purpose."  
  
Xander sighed. "Dammit, fangless! Now we have to put it back up! Maybe we should set it in a couple of feet of concrete."  
  
"Don't do that, whelp! You'll ruin my fun! I don't go 'round messing with your traditions!"  
  
Buffy spoke impatiently. "Spike! Giles' house! Now!"  
  
"Oh yes. I'm still having a headache from that vision," Xander commented.  
  
Spike rolled his eyes. "All right, all right! I'm goin', I'm goin'!"  
  
When the foursome finally arrived to Gile's house, Angel and company were already removing weapons and spellbooks and other important items from Angel's car. Angel whispered. "Hurry up! We don't have much time to waste!"  
  
Xander mumbled. "Aye aye, Dead Boy."  
  
Spike and Buffy grabbed what was left in Angel's car as quickly as possible. Angel remembered what Cordelia said in the car and watched Buffy and Spike intently. They arrived at the front door and Angel prepared to kick the door down.  
  
"Wait!" Willow squealed. She turned the door knob. "It's open."  
  
Angel thought out loud. "I thought the Watcher locked the door."  
  
Everyone walked into the house except for Angel. Angel frowned when he realized he needed an invite to get into Giles' house. "Um, guys?"  
  
Cordelia spoke quietly. "Angel, not now!"  
  
Angel sighed. "Will someone please invite me in?"  
  
Spike chuckled. "Ha ha!"  
  
Buffy elbowed Spike. "Come in, Angel."  
  
Angel walked in the door, shoved Spike to the ground.  
  
Xander smirked. "Giles is one sick man." Buffy and Angel looked at Xander. Spike chuckled. Xander continued when he realized Buffy and Angel were clueless. "He likes to do those crazy deinvite spells for shits and giggles. He does it to Spike a lot just for the hell of it. Well, that and the fact that Giles' VCR is set to record 'Passions' everyday and he likes to see Spike get all worked up about it. Don't take it personally Dead Boy."  
  
Angel and Buffy pondered Giles' new hobby with disturbed amusement and headed towards the stairs. Everyone split up to search the house for clues.  
  
After awhile, Willow squealed in delight. "Guys! I found a clue!"  
  
Spike looked at the witch. "Well done, Daphne. Would you like a Scooby snack?"  
  
Everyone rolled their eyes at Spike's joke.  
  
Willow bit her lip. "It's a note . . . from Tara."  
  
Buffy waited. "What does it say?"  
  
Willow read the note out loud.  
  
Dear Scoobies,  
  
There's something in the boiler room. Maybe you should check it out.  
  
Tara  
  
PS-If you haven't guessed, this is a trap, so be prepared.  
  
Everyone looked at Willow with confused glances.  
  
Angel shook his head. "What kind of demon admits to setting a trap?"  
  
Willow looked hurt. "Tara's not a demon!"  
  
"How do you know?" Angel asked the witch.  
  
"Clocked her once. The chip fried me," Spike replied.  
  
Cordelia stared at the blonde vampire. "Why'd you hit her? That's low . . . even for you."  
  
Spike rolled his eyes because he was going to have to explain the story. "Her family tried to convince her she was a demon. I proved them wrong."  
  
Buffy thought out loud. "Boiler room . . . boiler room. Do you suppose they meant the one at the old high school?"  
  
Willow nodded. "That's the only one I can think of."  
  
Xander nodded. "Well, let's go then."  
  
Dawn spoke up. "But - but it's a trap."  
  
The Host grabbed Dawn's shoulder. "All the more reason for me and you to stay in reserve."  
  
Angel was confused. "I don't get it. If she's the bad guy, why did she bother to tell us it was a trap?"  
  
"You bloody wanker! She isn't the bad guy!" Spike fumed.  
  
Angel growled. "How do you know?"  
  
Spike spoke to Angel in dragged out words. "The handwriting on top is different from the handwriting on the bottom. Do I have to point out the bleedin' obvious to you, Peaches? You're the one who runs Angel Investigations. Don't you know any detective shit?"  
  
Angel scowled. "How do you know that two different people didn't write the note?"  
  
Willow showed the note to Angel. "That PS is definitely in Tara's handwriting."  
  
Buffy impatiently spoke up. "We're not getting anywhere just by standing here. Let's get a move on it!"  
  
Everyone except for the Host and Dawn left for the boiler room. They had no idea who would be awaiting them when they got there, but they were about to find out. 


	11. Fear Not, Little Witch

1 **Note: The text in brackets are Xander's thoughts. You'll understand when you get to the part.**  
  
**Note the Second: Most of this chapter isn't meant to be funny. However, if you laugh all the way through it, we'll get over it in a couple of weeks. Oh yeah, this is for Christy who was holding her breath till we posted the next chapter. We admire her dedication. It's also for our insane friends.**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Shelley: (peering out from the pillow fort) Well, it looks relatively safe out there.  
  
Kelley: But we can never be too sure, Shelley.  
  
Shelley: I think it's safe to make a run for the fridge. We need our Cool Whip and Cookies .  
  
Kelley: Yeah! A real woman's brain food!  
  
Shelley: That is if we have any brains with after those aliens are through with us.  
  
Kelley: Shelley, we still have to . . . you know . . .  
  
Shelley: Oh God! Did I have class today?  
  
Kelley: Well, yes. But I wasn't getting at that.  
  
Shelley: Did I forget to change the kitty litter?  
  
Kelley: You won't let us have a cat!  
  
Shelley: Then why did I buy all this litter?  
  
Kelley: (looking around nervously) Must be the aliens.  
  
Shelley: Joss and Co. own Buffy. They're not ours. Horrible atrocities will be done to us if we try to steal them. We can't even use them to fight off the aliens.  
  
Kelley: Where are Spike and Xander when you really need them?  
  
2  
  
3 Part XXX  
  
Giles gasped in complete shock and fear. Anya just looked confused. She thought to herself 'Who are these people and why are Giles and Tara so scared?'  
  
The first woman, a blonde, said, "This is going to be great fun! Don't you agree, Tara?"  
  
Tara nervously looked away from the two women. She knew how powerful they were. She'd heard the Scoobies talk about them before.  
  
Anya sighed, "Ok, what's going on? Who the hell are you? Why are we stuck in here?" She glared.  
  
The other woman, a pretty brunette, spoke next. "She's going to ruin our party. Make her be quiet!"  
  
Tara screamed, "No! I won't! Stay out of my head!"  
  
The brunette pouted. The blonde stared at Anya with an evil smile on her face. Recognition flickered in her eyes. "Aren't you Anyanka? You used to be a vengeance demon."  
  
Anya replied sarcastically, "Well, DUH! Too bad I can't practice any vengeance on you right now, blondie."  
  
The brunette wailed. "Our plan isn't working right!"  
  
Giles winced. Anya mumbled in frustration.  
  
"Giles, who are they?"  
  
Giles tried to clear his head. "I - I don't understand. You should be dead. Angel killed you." He began muttering to himself. "Who would have the power to bring a vampire back?"  
  
"Only the most despicable of all creatures from any realm."  
  
Anya gasped in terror. "You don't mean --?"  
  
"Ethan!" Giles proclaimed.  
  
"No, you dolt! Lawyers. Specifically Wolfram & Hart with offices spanning the globe; not to mention the seventh circle of Hell." Darla smiled ruefully.  
  
Giles thought out loud. "Great, evil lawyers. Just what California needs."  
  
During this time, the brunette made her way over to where Tara was sitting. Tara stared up at her, quaking in terror.  
  
Drusilla's voice sounded threatening. "You've been sending whispers to your friends, little witch. But you whispered in a different ear. Your lover and the seer were deaf." Drusilla dissolves into a fit of giggles.  
  
Darla asked, "What's so amusing, Drusilla? Please, share with the class."  
  
"Her voice got into his dreams." Drusilla laughed even harder.  
  
Darla was becoming impatient. "Who's dreams?"  
  
Drusilla stopped laughing, only grinning now. "The boy with the face like a poem. I loved him so very much for a day. His dreams turned dark and his screams filled my head. It was such a beautiful sound. He makes beautiful screams.  
  
Darla raised an eyebrow. "Right."  
  
"My Spike will bring the boy with him. I want to hear him scream some more. I want them both to scream." She looked at Giles and Anya. "Your friends will die and then the party will go on forever."  
  
Anya began laughing. "Ok, now she's crazy."  
  
Darla rolled her eyes. "Drusilla, darling? Is Angel with them?"  
  
Drusilla grinned evilly. "Yes! He's with the seer." She gasped. "No."  
  
"What is it?" Darla inquired.  
  
"The Slayer is with them. Death could not hold her. She walks among us again!"  
  
Darla glared in anger. "The Slayer? Dammit! Why can't that bitch stay dead?"  
  
"Why don't you?" Tara's nervous voice came from out of nowhere.  
  
"Silence!" Darla slapped Tara. Tara fell to the ground.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
After several minutes of convincing, Dawn reluctantly agreed to stay with the Host. All the needed weapons were removed from the chest in Giles' living room. After a quick wisecrack and goodbye to Dawn, Xander started to follow everyone else out of Giles' house. Suddenly he was overcome with a wave of dizziness.  
  
"Ah, man! Not again!"  
  
The Host caught him before he cracked his head on the front step of Giles' house. None of his friends in front of him noticed.  
  
"Hey, guys. You're forgetting something." He shifted Xander's weight. "And he's kind of heavy, so a little help would be nice."  
  
Everyone turned around to see the Host supporting an unconscious Xander.  
  
Cordelia moaned. "What now? Has Xander gone narcoleptic on us?"  
  
"I didn't see him steal anything," Buffy replied.  
  
Spike shook his head. "I'm not even dignifying that with a retort." He snorted. "So, did the whelp have another one of those vision thingies?" He helped the Host put Xander on the couch.  
  
"Hello! Not a vision, no mind-numbing pain." Cordelia put her hands on her hips.  
  
Willow asked nervously, "Well, then what happened? And how do we snap him out of it?"  
  
"I wouldn't advise snapping him out of anything, doll. Whatever this is, it needs to run its course." The Host sighed.  
  
Angel rolled his eyes. "Well, what do we do in the meantime? Twiddle our thumbs?"  
  
"Great idea, Peaches! Why don't we knit mittens while we're at it and give them to orphans?"  
  
Buffy kicked Spike. "Shut up, Spike, or I'll kick your pale ass all the way back to L.A."  
  
Spike smiled. "Now there's the Slayer I know and lo - long to kill. Too bad I have a chip. Stupid bloody chip."  
  
Angel glared at Spike for a moment, then picked up the conversation where he left off. "We can't just stand around here waiting. Let's go to the boiler room like we planned. Whatever's affecting Xander is most likely coming from there."  
  
Willow frowned. "I don't know, Angel. We can't just leave him here."  
  
Buffy touched Willow's arm. "It'll be ok, Willow. We'll leave the cell phone here. If anything happens, Dawn can call Angel's cell phone."  
  
Cordelia looked at Angel indignantly. "Your cell phone is turned on, right?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
Cordelia held out her hand. "Let me see."  
  
Angel dug the cell phone out of his coat pocket and held it up for Cordelia's inspection. After a quick glance, she nodded in approval. "Don't break it! And don't use it as a weapon!"  
  
"Oh, and don't forget your lunch money," Buffy added.  
  
"And don't talk to strangers, mate," Spike said, stifling a laugh.  
  
The Host grabbed Angel and kissed him on the forehead. "Now be a good boy and kill the baddies." He pushed Angel out the door.  
  
Dawn chuckled. "Bye! Be back before dinner! It's meatloaf night." She waved as Angel stomped off to his car, thankful that vampires could not blush.  
  
Cordelia followed Angel out the door, chuckling. Buffy and Spike helped the Host situate Xander on the couch better. Willow spread a blanket over him, leaned down, kissed his forehead, and walkd out of the house reluctantly. Buffy walked up to where Xander was lying.  
  
"I feel kind of bad, just leaving him here. He hates it when we leave him out of the action."  
  
"Well, how about you leave him some company, pet?"  
  
Spike reached into his duster and pulled out Mr. Gordo. Buffy smiled at Spike and took the stuffed pig from him. She sat it under Xander's arm.  
  
"Wake up soon, Xander." Buffy ruffled his hair.  
  
"Don't worry, pet. He will."  
  
Without a word, they take each others hand and walked out the door.  
  
*****  
  
Giles yelled, "Don't touch her you evil . . .thing!" He glared at Darla.  
  
Anya whispered, "Was that the best you could come up with?"  
  
Giles grinned. "Short notice." He looked over at Tara on the ground who was starting a spell.  
  
*****  
  
Xander's eyes popped open. He looked around. A strange feeling filled his head. He looked at his surroundings again, realizing he was no longer at Giles' house. He had no idea how he got to this room and suddenly felt the need to panic. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. ['Great'] he thought. ['I can't even make a glib remark about this.'] He squinted his eyes. ['Am I hallucinating?'] Figures began to appear before his eyes. ['This is getting really wiggy.'] Soon, he began to hear sounds from the figures who had become all too clear.  
  
He saw Giles looking in his direction. ['Can he see me?'] Xander waved. Giles did nothing. ['Nope. I've become Invisible Boy.'] Anya looked annoyed. ['Leave it to her to be more annoyed than scared. She can't make money or have sex right now.'] He rolled his eyes. Giles spoke to another person in the room. Xander didn't catch the phrase, but the tone caught his surprise. ['Funny, it sounded like a Giles voice, but his tone was bitter and smart ass like.'] He saw Anya whisper something to Giles who just shrugged.  
  
It suddenly occurred to him that he could look at the others in the room. ['Oh my God.'] If his voice had worked, he would have screamed a girly scream. For once, he was glad to be mute. Still, seeing Darla, the one who killed Jesse, the sire of Dead Boy, the one Dead Boy killed years ago, gave him a major wiggins. ['I really hate that bitch!']  
  
Giles threatened, "You do know, whatever you're planning won't work?"  
  
Anya nodded. "Yeah, even if Buffy's not all there, and Spike doesn't want to kill Drusilla, Willow's a powerful witch, and Dead Boy can fight. At lease one person is going to kick your asses!"  
  
Xander heard another voice, one that struck fear into his heart more than Darla ever could. He remembered when he had Amy cast that love spell that went totally awry, and Drusilla proclaimed her love for him. He shuddered.  
  
"Voices are filling my head right now!"  
  
Funny, Xander never realized how pretty Drusilla was. He shooks his head. ['She's a vampire! Vampires are bad! Well, most of them. Wait a second! Boiler room! No! This isn't the boiler room. Oh man, this is bad. How am I supposed to let Buffy know we are heading in the wrong direction if I'm stuck here like this? Dammit!']  
  
Drusilla put her hand to her forehead. "Ooooh! Little witch, what wonderful thoughts!"  
  
Xander still couldn't figure out where they were. The place seemed familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. ['Ok, Xander, think!'] He really wished he could speak. His stupid jokes always comforted him.  
  
Darla's attention was drawn to Tara. She saw the glow in Tara's hands.  
  
Xander looked up just in time to see a pissed off, vamped out Darla heading in his direction. ['Oh, great. I'm gonna die now!']  
  
Darla ran over and picked Tara up by the arm until her feet were off the ground.  
  
Xander noticed Tara ['Tara?'] being lifted off the ground ['Oh God!'] by Darla. Suddenly, the voices in the room began to fade out, slowly. ['Oh no!']  
  
The golden energy in Tara's hands abruptly disappeared.  
  
Suddenly, everything went black.  
  
*****  
  
Xander screamed. He opened his eyes. He was lying on Giles' couch. He sat up quickly. "Guys! They're not in the boiler room!"  
  
"They already left," the Host quietly replied.  
  
"Dammit! We have to get to them now! Darla and Drusilla are there! They've got Giles and Anya . . . and Tara."  
  
Dawn squeaked, "What? Drusilla? Oh God! She's gonna go after Spike again! We gotta do something!" 


	12. Xander Harris: Demon Magnet

1 **Note: We had something we were going to say, but we can't remember what it was. Maybe we will remember later. Anyway, sorry if any of you are disappointed that this is less funny than some of the previous chapters. We had to create a plot at some point, folks. Plus, our brains are fried due to the upcoming finals and last minute work we put off till the end of the semester. We hope you enjoy this chapter. It may get a little rough for awhile, but don't worry. It will get funny again eventually . . . at least we hope so.**  
  
**Note the Second: This disclaimer is actually for our friends who tell us they enjoy our story even though we talk about it all the freakin time.**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Setting: Pillow fort, which has expanded to include half the room.  
  
Time: Really late at night after much pizza eating. You think vampires are the only creatures of the night? Come on!  
  
Shelley: I don't care what any of you guys say. It's non-negotiable. Xander Harris is MINE!  
  
Kelley: I've got dibs on Spike!  
  
The small group that has assembled groans.  
  
Emily: I don't care. I want Angel.  
  
Kelley: (hits Emily with a pillow) Just as long as you don't take Spike.  
  
Allison: Well I get Oz dammit!  
  
Emily: (the other Emily) I want Giles!  
  
Kelley and Shelley look at the other Emily. They shrug. "Ok."  
  
Annie: If you guys are handing them out, I get Wesley.  
  
Shelley: Oh, can I have gunn?  
  
Kelley: No, cuz you have Xander!  
  
Shelley: Aww, come on! They can share me!  
  
Kelley: Nope. Sorry. What about you, Spiff?  
  
Spiff: Lex Luther.  
  
Everyone takes a moment to bask in the sexiness that is Michael Rosenbaum.  
  
All: Mmmmm. Lex.  
  
Spiff: He's mine! (she brandishes a pizza box)  
  
Kelley: But he's not Joss's. Speaking of which, Joss still owns them. The WB owns Lex and other characters from Smallville, who will not be included in this fic anymore (but it's a good show!). I WANT SPIKE!!!!!!!  
  
2  
  
3 Part XXXI  
  
The pocket of Angel's duster started playing the Mexican Hat Dance. Angel grunted and ducked quickly.  
  
"Answer the phone, Angel," Cordelia yelled as she staked a vampire.  
  
"I was getting to that! I can't answer it if I'm dust."  
  
He kicked another vampire in the chest, pulled out his phone and growled into the receiver. "Please HOLD!"  
  
He ducked from another vampire and almost dropped the phone. "Do you mind? I'm trying to talk on the phone here!" He put the phone back up to his ear. "Hello!" He cringed at the sound of his all too chirpy voice and changed his tone quickly. "Talk to me." That sounded better.  
  
Angel jerked the phone away from his ear when he heard Xander yell his name on the other end.  
  
"IT'S A TRAP!"  
  
Angel put the phone back to his ear. "Did you happen to (duck) forget (punch) the note (stakes a vampire) we found earlier?"  
  
"They're not in the boiler room!"  
  
"WHAT? What do you mean they're not in the boiler room, Xander? Why are we fighting off an army of vampires then?"  
  
"That's the trap, Dead Boy, to get you off track!"  
  
Angel mumbled. "Just wonderful." He grabs a crossbow and shoots it at another vampire. "How do you know this information, Xander?"  
  
"I had another vision . . . kinda. I got to see where everyone was and the room did not resemble the boiler room at all."  
  
Angel yelled, "So where are they?" He staked another vampire.  
  
"I don't know, but . . . "  
  
"YOU DON'T KNOW? How is that going to help us find them? What are we supposed to do?"  
  
"Angel, it's bad! Darla and Drusilla are there."  
  
Angel froze, unable to move. He was suddenly unable to speak as well.  
  
"Angel, the room . . . it looked . . . " Xander heard a loud scream and a crash on the other end.  
  
"ANGEL!" Cordelia shreaked. She shoved him out of the way of a vampire he was unaware of and landed on top of him. The phone flew out of his hand and broke in half. "What are you doing you idiot? You could have died . . . again!"  
  
A look of terror crossed Angel's eyes as a vampire stood over Cordelia, about to plunge a knife into her back. The vampire promptly turned to dust, and Angel blinked rapidly.  
  
Buffy wiped her hands off. "All gone. They're all dust now."  
  
"What did the whelp have to say?" Spike was busy rubbing off his duster.  
  
"This was a trap!"  
  
Spike raised an eyebrow. "And people call you slow!"  
  
"Shut up, Spike. The trap was the vampires sent here to attack us when we got here to throw us off guard." Angel glared.  
  
Buffy caught on. "So that means . . . "  
  
"Giles and Anya are being kept in some other building, but Xander wasn't sure where. Oh, uh, one other thing." Angel sighed, not liking what was about to come out of his mouth. "Darla and Drusilla are there."  
  
"Dammit!" Buffy kicked a stake lying on the ground.  
  
"We did all this for nothing?" Willow asked, obviously upset.  
  
"Bloody hell! I HATE that bitch . . . Darla, I mean."  
  
Willow spoke nervously. "So, did Xander even get to describe the room or anything?"  
  
"No. He was about to when Cordy shoved me down."  
  
"Great!" Buffy began pacing back and forth. "And now we have to go back to Giles' to find out what the place looked like?!"  
  
"I told you not to break the phone," Cordelia added nonchalantly.  
  
Angel glared at Cordelia before pulling himself up to his feet.  
  
*****  
  
"Angel? Angel?" Xander slammed down the phone. "Dammit! Now what do I do?"  
  
The Host offered a suggestion. "Sit here and wait?"  
  
Xander began thinking hard, replaying the images he saw in his head.  
  
"What is it I'm supposed to figure out? What was so familiar about that room? Come on, Xander! Think! Use your brain for once . . . ow. Where is that ---?"  
  
Xander suddenly stopped talking. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks.  
  
"Of course! Those stupid dolls! Those stupid, burnt up dolls! That's where they are!"  
  
The Host watched Xander. "What?"  
  
Xander grabbed a few weapons and ran out of the house, not answering the Host's question.  
  
4 Part XXXII  
  
"They took away all our fun! How can we have your party now?" Drusilla whimpered. She put her hands to her head and crumpled to the ground.  
  
"Oh darn. The crazy one isn't gonna get her Spikey back, is she? I'm upset for you, truly."  
  
Drusilla began to shake. "She's mean. I don't like this one. She's not scared of us."  
  
"I've been around for eleven hundred and twenty-two years," Anya replied. "I've seen humans scarier than you."  
  
Drusilla's head popped up, eyes glowing yellow. She growled. "Naughty girl. You're going to be punished."  
  
"Oh, no! I'm so afra . . . "  
  
Giles slapped his hand over Anya's mouth. "Leave Drusilla alone!"  
  
Drusilla stopped and glared at Giles, then smiled.  
  
"Giles, why are you defending her? You're always nicer to everyone else that isn't me!"  
  
"She's going to kill you if you don't shut up, Anya!"  
  
"Like you really care."  
  
"Bloody hell, Anya! Will you please stay quiet?"  
  
Drusilla began to laugh. Giles sighed and rubbed his forehead. He wished Anya realized how dangerous Spike's ex-girlfriend really was. She was the queen of torture . . . and Angelus was the king. Giles pushed thoughts of Angelus out of his mind. Drusilla was bad enough.  
  
"What is she laughing at?" Anya asked, becoming even more annoyed.  
  
"Someone's coming." Drusilla began to sway. "He'll be here soon."  
  
"Who's coming, Drusilla?" Darla asked.  
  
"The boy with the face like a poem."  
  
"Good. Everyone can kick your ass and then we can finally leave," Anya spat out.  
  
"He's all alone. Our first party favor. If you're good I'll even let you watch me play with him."  
  
"Xander has great stamina. He can fight you off." Anya was not letting down.  
  
Giles wished he could growl now. He would have growled at Anya out of pure anger. He was afraid of Drusilla and was afraid of what she could do to Anya. He knew how unstable she was.  
  
Drusilla walked up to Anya. "Dearie, look at my eyes." She grabbed Anya's chin and forced Anya to look. "Be in me." She began to sway back and forth with Anya doing likewise. "Be . . . in . . . me."  
  
"Anya, look away!" Giles screamed. His hand shot out for Anya's arm, but Drusilla's arm shot out faster and grabbed his wrist. Giles flinched. Drusilla's hand held on tight as she continued to work her magic on Anya. She smiled evilly. 'Oh God' Giles thought. He wished he could get up. After Tara's last trick, Drusilla and Darla had forced Tara to do a spell that rendered them paralyzed from the waist down. Tara had disagreed until Darla vamped out and went for Giles' neck. The threat had worked and a teary eyed Tara did the spell. After all was said and done, Darla knocked out Tara and chained her to a chair. Tara was still unconscious, blood dripping from a cut on her head.  
  
Anya began to whimper. She was seeing something although Giles wasn't sure what. Drusilla had found a fear. Tears started to fall and Anya began crying.  
  
Giles felt horrible. He felt horrible for being unable to help Anya. He felt horrible for the way he had been treating her. He felt horrible that she was crying. She never cried. He suddenly realized how he really felt about her. **Took him long enough, didn't it?**  
  
Drusilla laughed again and stood up, causing Anya to snap out of it. Anya sniffled and then blinked. She furrowed her brow and then scowled at Drusilla, but decided not to say anything else. She looked over at Giles who was staring right back at her. She waited for him to say 'I told you so' or something, but instead, he just grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She half smiled then looked away again. He let go of her hand after a moment.  
  
"I'm getting bored . . . and hungry," Darla whined. She smiled. Who do I want to eat first?" She flinched in pain. "Ow! What the hell?!?" She turned around in time to see Xander with two water guns, one pointed at Drusilla and the other at Darla. "Who let you in?"  
  
"The funny thing about being human is the fact that I don't have to be invited." Xander smirked. "So, how are we going to do this?"  
  
Darla growled. "You stupid . . . " She blinked. "Dammit! Ow! Stop that you idiot! That hurts!"  
  
Xander shot her again. "What did you just call me?"  
  
Darla responded, not letting up, "I'm so going to enjoy killing you!"  
  
Xander shot both guns. "Wrong!" He began shooting like crazy.  
  
Darla and Drusilla howled in pain.  
  
"Make it stop! My skin is hurting!" Drusilla cried.  
  
Xander stopped after a moment, listening to the two vampiresses sizzle. "Not one part of that was unenjoyable. Let's do it again!" He shot some more. "Woohoo!"  
  
"Xander! Control yourself before you run out of holy water!" Giles yelled from across the room.  
  
Xander stopped, looked at his now empty guns, threw them aside, and quickly pulled out two more.  
  
Anya watched in surprise and Giles stared in horror. He knew one of them was going to tackle Xander soon. He looked away. It was too much.  
  
Drusilla quickly rolled to the ground when Xander focused on Darla and kicked his legs out from under him. Xander fell to the ground, his head hitting the floor with a loud thud.  
  
Darla growled and kicked the now unconscious boy in the side, sending him across the room.  
  
"Poor boy. He hit his head." Drusilla crooned.  
  
"Xander! Oh my God!" Anya watched everything in shock.  
  
Xander didn't stir.  
  
Drusilla jumped up and down. "Now it's our turn!" She smiled evilly. 


	13. Life Of The Party

1 **Note: Finals start this week. We feel like we are going to fail all of them. This will most likely affect our updating, so expect lots of new stuff. We hope to have the entire story (which we finished writing at five o'clock this morning!), posted by the end of the week (Friday). We just need to tweek everything a little bit, before we finish. Also, we want to thank everyone (once again) for the totally awesome reviews. This story has been so much fun for us to work on, and we are just glad (and surprised and honored and happy and whatnot) that you guys are actually enjoying the story. Ok, enough of our rambling. Enjoy the story now!**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Setting: Outside McDonald's.  
  
Time: Night . . . Saturday.  
  
Shelley: Food. Finally! Fooooooooooooood!  
  
Kelley: Yeah, I know what you mean. (spots something peculiar) Hey! Isn't that a Verizon Payphone?  
  
Shelley: Yeah. I thought they just made cell phones.  
  
Kelley: I know. Weird. Let's call someone!  
  
Shelley: Ok, who?  
  
Kelley: Shelley phone home!!!  
  
Strange Girl: Hi!  
  
Shelley: Hi!  
  
Kelley: Who are you? Where'd you come from?  
  
Shelley: Do you want to hear our answering machine message?  
  
Strange Girl: Uh, sure. Why not? I'm game.  
  
Shelley hands Strange Girl the phone. Strange Girl listens carefully.  
  
" . . . if you wanna buy contraband, press 1. If you're interested in tantric sex, press 2. If you want someone killed, press 3. If you want a little cynicism in your life . . . baby, press 4. If you're looking for the psycho Chihuahua, press 5. If you wanna know what the Matrix is, take the red pill. If you're being chased by drunken chess players, sorry, we can't help you . . ."  
  
Kelley snatches the phone from Strange Girl.  
  
Kelley: Sorry. Important business to attend to.  
  
Strange Girl: Oh, ok.  
  
Kelley: (whispering into the phone secretively) If you're listening to this message now, you need to hear this. It's utterly important. Joss, and UPN, and the WB, and Mutant Enemy and a buttload of other rich people own all of these characters . . . except for us. (hangs up the phone)  
  
Shelley: (grabs Strange Girl) Back away a few steps. It might explode.  
  
After a moment of watching the phone intensely, they all breathe a sigh of relief.  
  
Shelley: Ok, now who are you and why are you here again?  
  
Strange Girl: I'm Bridgett. I was reading fanfic, when all of a sudden, I was outside of McDonalds. And I saw you guys! And you look like fanfic readers. I mean, you don't look as if you've seen sunlight in years! So I figured, maybe you got transported here too.  
  
Kelley: No, we actually live here. Well, not in the parking lot, but at a nearby college. Kentucky Wesleyan College to be exact . . . something else we don't own.  
  
Bridgett: No way! I'm in Kentucky?!?!  
  
Shelley: Yeah. Imagine that. Sorry.  
  
Kelley: So, this is random. Why are you here?  
  
Shelley: Are you an alien?  
  
Bridgett: Not since the last time I checked.  
  
Kelley: Well, I don't think you have anywhere to go. You wanna come back to our room? We got a pillow fort and pith helmets!  
  
Bridgett: Oh my gosh! You're Kelley and Shelley!  
  
Shelley: (hiding behind Kelley) She IS an alien! Back foul beast! You can't have our television or our brains!  
  
Kelley: With you, Shelley, it's the same thing. How do you know us, Bridgett?  
  
Bridgett: I'm reading your story!  
  
Shelley: Ooooooooh! You're one of the electronic people in the computer!  
  
Kelley: (looking at Bridgett) Now you see what I have to put up with. You're the one that wanted to claim Gunn, aren't you?  
  
Bridgett: Mmmmm . . . Gunn! Yeah!  
  
Kelley: Ok. We hearby bestow upon you, the hunk of a man that is Gunn! Aaaaah.  
  
Lightning flashes. The three look around.  
  
Bridgett: What was THAT about?  
  
Shelley: Don't know.  
  
Kelley: So, up for the pillow fort?  
  
2  
  
3 Part XXXIII  
  
"I can't believe we fell for that trap!" Buffy growled. She slammed the door to Giles' house open.  
  
"Yea, especially since Tara warned us and all," Willow added. "How stupid are we?"  
  
"That was REALLY comforting, Willow," Buffy snapped.  
  
Willow flinched. "Sorry." She sighed. "We just misinterpreted the meaning of 'this is a trap.' We'll find 'em, Buffy."  
  
Spike searched the room with his eyes. "Where's Xander?"  
  
"I am so going to kick Darla's ass again, then Drusilla is really going to get it." Buffy fumed.  
  
"Where's the whelp?" Spike asked again.  
  
"I really hope Tara is ok," Willow said calmly.  
  
"Guys! Have you noticed something?" Angel asked with much annoyance.  
  
Buffy reiterated. "Yea, we're going to really hurt some vamps."  
  
Angel looked at Spike. "No, ladies, I'm not talking about that."  
  
Buffy mumbled. "Well, I am! Those bitches piss me off."  
  
"WHERE . . . IS . . . XANDER?" Spike yelled.  
  
Buffy and Willow jumped at once.  
  
"He left," the Host said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Oh coz I thought you might have been hiding him in the bloody closet," Spike remarked sarcastically.  
  
Angel looked at the Host. "Where did he go, Lorne?"  
  
The Host shrugged. "I don't know. He just . . . ran off."  
  
"Maybe he went after Darla and Drusilla," Cordelia said after much thought.  
  
"Well, Cheerleader, thanks for stating something that hasn't crossed my bleedin' mind yet!" Spike rolled his eyes and mumbled.  
  
"Spike, calm down. Everyone is worried," Angel retorted.  
  
"Speak for yourself," Spike said unenthusiastically.  
  
Buffy looked at Xander's new friend and squeezed his arm reassuringly. Everyone began to think of possible places Xander could have run off to.  
  
"Did he say anything when he left?" Willow suddenly asked.  
  
"He said something about burnt dolls. He knew where he was going, but he didn't elaborate. He just mentioned burnt dolls." The Host watched everyone.  
  
Spike and Angel looked at each other.  
  
"Cor, you don't think . . . ?"  
  
"Has to be . . ."  
  
"You think we should go there, Angelus?"  
  
"I'm thinking it sounds like a good idea."  
  
"Ahem!" Buffy cut in.  
  
"You guys just gave a new meaning to the word cryptic, didn't you?" Cordelia commented.  
  
"Huh?" Angel shook his head.  
  
"She means, would you and Spike care to fill us in?" Buffy rolled her eyes.  
  
"Oh . . . yeah. We're thinking the factory." Angel raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Oh, great fun!" Cordelia replied sarcastically.  
  
"Well, let's get a move on it," Buffy said impatiently. "Who knows what kind of trouble Xander could be in."  
  
"I'm afraid to say this cuz I don't wanna jinx myself, but I haven't had a vision yet."  
  
Everyone grew silent, a few crickets chirped, someone coughed.  
  
"I think it's safe to say things are ok for now." Willow finally replied.  
  
"Well, let's go NOW then," Buffy exclaimed.  
  
Dawn ran and hugged Buffy. "Buffy, please don't go! What if I lose you again? I don't want anything to happen. I was so sad when you died. I missed you so much. Then you came back, and I was so happy! Then you left again! I'm not going to lose you again!"  
  
A wave of guilt hit Buffy like a freight train. She hugged her sobbing sister tightly. "Dawn, you will not lose me again. I promise!"  
  
"How do you know? You didn't plan on dying when you fought Glory either, but you did."  
  
"Dawn! I will be back to annoy the hell out of you! You just watch me! I'll be back!"  
  
The Host put his arm around Dawn. "Look, kiddo. Everything will be all right. You aren't getting rid of her that easily! She was brought back for a reason. She was destined to live a long life, at least by Slayer standards."  
  
Buffy looked down sadly. Spike spoke to her so only she could hear. "It'll be ok, Slayer."  
  
Dawn grabbed the Host's hand. "Really? Is she really going to be around for a long time?"  
  
"Yeah, cutie. She'll be around for awhile," the Host replied with a semi- smile.  
  
Buffy glanced at Spike quickly, then looked away. Spike still noticed the sadness in her eyes and he hated it.  
  
"We better go now, guys," Buffy mumbled.  
  
"Let's go then. We'll be back later." Spike looked at the Host. "Thanks."  
  
The Host nodded and then waved them off. "You be good kids now!"  
  
Buffy walked briskly out of the house. Everyone followed behind her, all rushing to catch up.  
  
"Hey Buffy! You ok?" Willow asked worriedly.  
  
"Yeah. I just want to get this over with. NOW!"  
  
"Which is what we are doing. Slow down," Cordelia hollered.  
  
"No time. Gotta hurry up," Buffy said, holding back tears.  
  
"Slayer, you don't have to do this." Spike was walking next to her.  
  
"I'm still the Slayer. It's my job."  
  
"Buffy, are you ok," Angel asked.  
  
"For the record, I'm perfectly fine!!!"  
  
"Pffft, yeah!" Cordelia smirked. "You don't sound . . ."  
  
"Cordy, be quiet," Angel whispered loudly.  
  
They continued the rest of the way in silence.  
  
4 Part XXXIV  
  
Xander drifted in and out of consciousness. 'Damn concrete floors' he thought to himself. 'My plan was going so well too.' He tried not to move due to the searing pain he was feeling. 'God, it feels like a vampire just threw me across the room . . . wait a second!' He tried to open his eyes, but his aching head would not allow it.  
  
"He's waking up." Drusilla's voice filled the room. "Now we can play."  
  
"Sorry, I think he just left us again," Giles said calmly. He was trying to stall as long as he possibly could.  
  
"I think we should wait until Wonder Woman and her followers get here. I love interesting fights." Darla waited in anticipation. "Maybe I can turn that girl Cordelia. She'd be fun."  
  
"You'll not lay one hand on that girl's head," Giles emphasized.  
  
"Just watch me, Watcher." Darla smiled evilly. "Geez, can't they hurry things up? I'm really hungry."  
  
Giles looked at Tara who had woken up awhile ago, but neither Drusilla nor Darla seemed to notice. 'She must have cast a spell' he thought to himself. 'Maybe she did the same for Xander.' Giles had liked the witch before, but he had a newfound respect for her now. She had constantly risked her life to help them out. He knew that she had somehow led Xander here. Hopefully the others would arrive soon.  
  
Xander smiled on the inside. He knew the two vampiresses would just LOVE his surprise. They hadn't noticed it yet. He was pleased with himself. 'I'm so evil.' He laughed on the inside. It hurt too much to actually attempt a laugh. He wondered how they would react when they discovered a giant cross hanging from the ceiling, blocking their exit. 'Hahaha!'  
  
Anya looked at Giles and whispered, "Are we ever getting out of here, Giles?"  
  
"I'll at least make sure you and Tara do."  
  
"Giles, I want you to get out too," Anya whispered frantically.  
  
"Anya, we'll figure something out, ok?"  
  
Anya nodded. The more time that passed, the more upset she got. Giles was frustrated. He and Anya were still paralyzed under Tara's spell and he was tired of just sitting there. It was probably for the better though.  
  
Tara looked around the room. How had she gotten herself into this mess? It had been difficult for everyone to accept her. She just wanted them to like her. How could she let Drusilla get into her head like that? Not even her best magic spells had been able to fend off the hypnotizing vampire. It was the eyes. 'How does Drusilla do that? I wish I knew her secret. No, wait. I don't want to be like her at all.' Was anyone going to rescue them? She wouldn't be surprised if they wanted to leave her behind with the other baddies. 'I have SO much explaining to do!' This could not have happened at a worse time.  
  
Four heads shot up to attention the second they heard the door upstairs bust open.  
  
"They've come for my party! My Spikey is up there!" Drusilla clapped her hands. 


	14. Let The Party Begin

1 **Note: Yet another update. We should be studying at the moment, but we aren't. Big surprise. Please send mucho feedback as it is finals week and we need something fun to look at . . . other than numerous sheets of paper with questions trying to test our memory from stuff we learned over the semester.**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Setting: Pillow Fort.  
  
Time: Same night . . .just finished McDonald's food  
  
Bridgett: So, what do you do for fun around here?  
  
Shelley: You're lookin' at it.  
  
Bridgett: Oh. Fun times.  
  
Kelley: Yeah, we gotta hide from the aliens.  
  
Shelley: Never know when they might come after us.  
  
Bridgett: Mm-hmmm. Aliens. Gotcha.  
  
Kelley: So, how come you haven't transported back to where you came from yet?  
  
Shelley: She wouldn't fit in the computer. I tried.  
  
Bridgett: I don't know. It doesn't really make any sense.  
  
Kelley: Hmmm . . . oh, and before I forget. Joss and all those people that are not us still own the whole kit and kaboodle. I'm getting lazy in my old age.  
  
Bridgett: I'm not exactly sure why I'm still here. I got you meet you guys, and I got my claim on Gunn, like I wanted.  
  
Kelley: Yeah, and there was that lightning and that sense of closure.  
  
Suddenly, Bridgett disappears in a small poof of smoke.  
  
Shelley: Dammit! I hate it when we lose new friends like that!  
  
2  
  
3 Part XXXV  
  
Buffy kicked in the door of the factory. The exhausted group followed her in, creating an intimidating picture . . . the Slayer, a Witch, a Seer, and two Master Vampires, all of whom were quite angry.  
  
"Let's get this over with," Buffy said fiercely.  
  
"So what's the plan?" Cordelia asked.  
  
Angel reached into his pockets. "Does everyone have a weapon?"  
  
Spike wrinkled his forehead. "I don't know for sure, but I believe that could be of some help," he said, pointing to what he saw.  
  
"Oh! A surprise," Willow exclaimed cheerfully.  
  
Everyone glared at a way too chirpy Willow. Buffy walked over to what Spike was looking at. She grinned. Xander was definitely efficient. She picked up the box that said "This May Help" written on it. A note fell to the floor. She picked it up and read it aloud.  
  
Hey guys,  
  
Call it a crazy idea, but I've always wanted to try this. Sorry I ran off so fast. I figured this to be the perfect time to put my "evil" plan to work. Hopefully it will cause some problems for Darla and Drusilla. I really do not like them. Anyway, back on the subject. Inside this box, you will find various forms of torture. My favorites are the water guns with holy water in them. I took some down there with me. I don't know how long I can keep them distracted before you guys arrive. I doubt I'll be able to fight them alone for long. I don't know if I'll survive or not. I just know distracted vampires can be easier to fight. On, and escape will be difficult for them. Make sure Fangless and Dead Boy don't run into my surprise. I found a giant cross one day (don't ask) and brought it with me. It's hanging in front of their escape. Unfortunately, it poses a problem for Spike and Dead Boy, but just push it aside so it doesn't hit them. Well, maybe we should let Dead Boy fend for himself. Ok, I'm sorry. That was wrong. (He he he) I just want you guys to be careful. Take care of yourselves. We'll all be waiting for you.  
  
Your favorite Scooby,  
  
Xander  
  
"We gotta get him!" Willow cried frantically. "Oh goddess, please don't let anything happen to him!"  
  
Buffy mumbled, "Yeah, and you can just use your magic to bring him back."  
  
"What?" Willow frowned.  
  
Spike and Angel looked at Buffy, both hearing perfectly well what she spat out under her breath.  
  
Angel looked at Buffy worriedly. "I - uh - think we should get started. Ready everyone?"  
  
"Ready as ever," Cordelia chimed in.  
  
Each girl grabbed a water gun and the vampires grabbed stakes. Spike grabbed a crossbow and Angel grabbed an ax. Xander's added weapons left them very prepared.  
  
Spike smiled to himself. He couldn't resist. "Hey, Darla! Get your ugly blonde arse up here coward!"  
  
"Spike," Buffy squealed. "What are you doing?"  
  
Spike smiled. "Just watch, pet."  
  
Sure enough, Darla ran towards them with fury. She quickly screamed in pain and ran in the other direction. Buffy stifled a laugh. Leave it up to Spike to do something like that.  
  
Spike smiled gleefully. "I've always wanted to do something like that to the stupid bint!"  
  
Angel glared at Spike. "Was that really necessary, Spike?"  
  
"No! That's why it was fun!" Spike chuckled.  
  
Angel smiled slightly. "Yeah, actually, that was fun. The look on her face was priceless."  
  
Cordelia interrupted. "Ok, so explain how our element of surprise is going to work now?"  
  
Willow nodded. "Yeah, now they'll be able to get us with a lot of scary weapons."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I think they heard me kick down the door. I don't think element of surprise works with Drusilla. She probably knew we were coming as we were driving from L.A."  
  
"She's probably right," Spike agreed. "Drusilla was never surprised at surprise parties, never surprised with all the pretty dressed with all the pretty girls in them."  
  
Willow looked disgusted. "Ok, uh, ick."  
  
"Let's get this party started," Cordelia sighed impatiently.  
  
"Follow me, guys," Buffy said.  
  
Buffy pushed the cross aside for Spike and Angel to pass through, followed by Willow and Cordelia. They walked in expecting a fight to erupt, but it was strangely calm. Soon, everyone was focused on the inside.  
  
Willow gasped. Xander was laying unconscious, his head in a puddle of his own blood. Drusilla was hovering nearby. She caught Willow's gaze and smiled before drawing her attention back to Xander.  
  
Giles and Buffy looked at each other. Happiness flickered in Giles' eyes and Buffy smiled at her Watcher.  
  
"You won't be smiling much longer, Slayer." Darla growled.  
  
"You're right. As long as you're not dust, I won't be smiling."  
  
"Well, get used to it," Darla glared.  
  
"My Spike! I have a toy for you! Would you like to play with it? He won't play with me. It hurts my feelings."  
  
Spike stared at his Princess. He frowned, now realizing how difficult fighting her was going to be.  
  
"What do you want, Dru?"  
  
"The stars have been whispering your name in my ear."  
  
Spike hated it when Drusilla did that. He threw his hands up in the air and rolled his eyes. "Don't count on it, Dru. Sorry."  
  
Drusilla began to whimper. "The Slayer still fills your thoughts. I don't like this. I'm going to kill your Slayer, then you'll be mine again."  
  
"Sorry, Drusilla," Buffy replied, "but you won't be killing me any time soon."  
  
She caressed Xander's cheek. She looked at Buffy for a moment, as though analyzing her. "Maybe not, but I can try my best."  
  
"My God, Drusilla. Do you really think you and Darla can fight us off alone?" Buffy asked with conviction.  
  
"Who said we were alone, dearie?" Drusilla clapped her hands together. "Now the fun can begin."  
  
Suddenly, fifteen or so vampires came out of the ground and from different hiding places in the room.  
  
"Hmmm, forgot about the underground entrance," Angel said with a short laugh.  
  
"Well, Angel, that information might have been helpful to us earlier!" Cordelia squealed.  
  
"Spike, guard the stupid hole in the ground." Buffy watched the vampires closing in on them. "Don't let ANY vampires escape."  
  
"As you wish," Spike replied softly. He walked off and shook his head.  
  
Buffy looked at Spike for a moment, then looked away. "Ok, the only ones getting out of here later will be human, souled vampire, or neutered . . . "  
  
Spike glared. "Hey! I am not neutered!"  
  
Buffy cleared her throat. "As I was saying . . . " She rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She grabbed an unprepared vampire and staked it.  
  
"Oh, does this mean we can fight now?" Cordelia asked enthusiastically.  
  
Everyone began fighting vampires left and right. Buffy quickly staked two more vampires focusing on her. "Ok, that was too easy. Who's next?"  
  
Darla growled and tackled Buffy. Meanwhile, Spike was having difficulty holding three vampires at bay and trying to guard the underground escape at the same time. Cordelia ran to help Spike as two of her very own vampire foes run after her.  
  
"Geez, blondie. Can't fight off three minions? And you call yourself the Big Bad!"  
  
"Well, you're not helping matters. You brought two over here with you, Cheerleader."  
  
"Well, excuse me for trying to help."  
  
"I don't need lessons from you. I'm a bad ass vampire. I've been around for . . . for . . . a really long time."  
  
With that, Cordelia staked her two vampires without batting an eye. "I'm sorry. I was trying to fight off those two vampires. Were you saying something?"  
  
Before Spike could respond, he and Cordelia were tackled by the three remaining vampires. Elsewhere, Angel was having problems of his own as one vampire was holding onto his back for dear life while another one in front of him was punching him in the face.  
  
"Hey! Watch . . . the . . . hair!" Angel growled.  
  
"Only the Slayer would have neutered vampires work for her," the vampire hissed.  
  
"I am not a eunuch!" Angel staked the vampire. "And I don't work for Buffy." He threw the other vampire off his back and staked it. "That's better."  
  
Angel wiped the dust from his hands. He noticed Willow shooting holy water at two of the vampires trying to attack her, but she ran out of water. Angel ran to help her out by tackling one of the vampires.  
  
"Oh goddess!" Willow used a spell to hurl the vampire towards Xander's giant cross. The vampire screamed in pain as Willow used her powers to hold him up there. The vampire finally burst into flames. Willow smiled and congratulated herself on a job well done.  
  
Angel, who had just staked the other vampire, got up and checked to see if Willow was ok. He looked at her warily after realizing what she had just done to the other vampire. "Remind me to never piss you off, Willow." He furrowed his brow and walked away.  
  
Buffy was still struggling with Darla, but managed to knock her off just as two more vampires jumped on top of her. Darla smiled and walked off. She managed to pull Drusilla away from Xander, much to Drusilla's dismay.  
  
Darla pointed to the escape. "If we hurry up, we can just escape."  
  
Drusilla pouted. "That's no fun! Can we take a toy along?"  
  
"Yeah sure. Grab him."  
  
Drusilla grabbed Xander and ran off. Darla watched her go. She smiled, grabbed someone else, and jumped down the hole with Drusilla. No one saw them, all too busy trying to fight off the rest of the vamps.  
  
Angel staked the last vampire with a flourish. Silence descended on the room. Everyone looked at each other for a moment.  
  
"Is that it?" Cordelia asked breathlessly.  
  
"So," Buffy said, "who got the pleasure of staking Darla and Drusilla?"  
  
Buffy looked at Angel. Angel looked at Cordelia. Cordelia looked at Willow. Willow looked at Spike. Spike surveyed the room and scowled. "Once again, I ask. Where is Xander? The whelp seems to keep disappearing on us. Not that I bloody care or anything."  
  
"Sure, Spike." Buffy re-evaluated the situation. "Ok, none of us killed the Supersluts and Xander's missing. Not a good sign."  
  
"Tara!" Willow cried.  
  
"What?" Buffy asked confused.  
  
"She's gone," Anya replied.  
  
Everyone looked at Anya and Giles who had somehow managed to free themselves from their ropes and gags. They all looked around the room.  
  
"Where'd they go?" Cordelia asked.  
  
"This is just a shot in the dark, Cordy, but I'm going to have to go with the obvious answer and say the hole in the ground," Angel said sarcastically.  
  
"I second that notion, Peaches," Spike mused.  
  
"Ok, instead of just standing around, why don't we go after them?" Buffy interrupted.  
  
"Yeah!" Willow cried. "We gotta get Xander and Tara!"  
  
They all escaped through the hole in the ground.  
  
"Hey guys!" Anya called out. "Don't . . . forget . . . us!" She rolled her eyes. Ugh, I hate being paralyzed."  
  
"Well, it appears we're stuck here for awhile." Giles sighed. "Bloody hell."  
  
Anya smiled at Giles. "You know what would be fun right now?"  
  
"Anya, we can't have sex. We're both paralyzed from the waist down."  
  
Anya frowned. "No, I wasn't thinking about that." She smiled. "But you were!"  
  
"Uh . . . uh . . . don't let it go to your head, Anya."  
  
Anya winked. "Awww . . . ok. As long as your promise me great sex later on."  
  
Giles grinned. "Anya." He shook his head. "You're something else." He leans over and kisses her.  
  
Anya's eyes widen in surprise. She pulls away. "Wow! Wow! Wow!" She kissed him back. 


	15. Sewer Waiting

1 **Note: In case you didn't guess, Bridgett is Gyrlfrend (the one who guest starred in two of our disclaimers). We'd just like to say how nice it is that you guys seem to like our disclaimers so much. We aim to please. Hopefully, we can keep coming up with original ones, cuz they are always fun when we can think of something to say. Please read and review. We live on feedback. It nourishes our bodies and does our laundry. Well, ok, maybe we lied about the laundry part.**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
SLAM!!!!  
  
New Girl: What the heck was that?  
  
Kelley and Shelley: Oh, that was just . . . aaaaah!  
  
Kelley: Who are you?  
  
Shelley: How did you get in here?  
  
Kelley: I coulda sworn the door was locked.  
  
New Girl: Where am I? What is this place? Don't you guys ever do laundry? Or clean for that matter?  
  
Shelley: We're roughin' it. Who needs a clean blanket when you got a pile of dirty clothes to sleep under?  
  
Kelley: (looks at Shelley in disgust) Um, gross, Shelley.  
  
New Girl: Ok. Sorry I asked. Oh yeah, I'm Chantal, by the way.  
  
Kelley: Like that perfume?!?!?  
  
Chantal: No. In fact, don't ever mention that again.  
  
Kelley: Sorry.  
  
Shelley: So, uh, why are you here?  
  
Chantal: Well, it depends. Where am I?  
  
Kelley: You are in our dorm room.  
  
Shelley: In Kentucky.  
  
Chantal: Kentucky? Why me?  
  
Kelley: Wait! Hold the phones! Gotta get this out in the open.  
  
Shelley and Chantal wait.  
  
Kelley: Joss and Copany own . . .  
  
Chantal: Wait! Wait! I know what you're gonna say and I wanna say it.  
  
Kelley: Fine. But it better be good. We have a reputation to uphold.  
  
Chantal: Joss and Company own all the characters from "Buffy: The Vampire Slayer" and "Angel." We wanna make this clear so that Joss won't send out his mutant cyborg army to capture us, hang us up by our toenails, and flail us mercilessly with prepackaged cheese slices.  
  
Shelley: Good one.  
  
Kelley: It was ok.  
  
Shelley: (smacks Kelley) You're just jealous cuz you didn't think of it first.  
  
Chantal smiles. Kelley pouts.  
  
2  
  
3 Part XXXVI  
  
Buffy and company trudged through the sewers.  
  
"This is definitely not good for my complexion," Cordelia said, disgusted.  
  
"Oh, I know, pet. I think I see a pimple trying to break through on your face."  
  
"Shut up, Spike." She paused for a second. "Does someone have a mirror?"  
  
Angel handed Cordelia a mirror from his duster.  
  
"Thanks, Angel." Cordelia frowned. "Angel? Oh wait . . . I'm not even going to ask."  
  
"It's like having eyes in the back of my head," Angel smiled. "I've seen lots of funny things."  
  
"Angelus, L.A. must be doing something weird to your brain. When's the last time you had your bloody head checked?"  
  
Willow gave Angel a weirded out look. "Angel, have you seen anything . . . you know? Naughty?"  
  
Buffy snorted. "Willow, I'll never understand your strange fascinations. Angel, I'm just disturbed."  
  
Spike laughed. "Peaches, are you gay?"  
  
Cordelia laughed loudly. "Definitely not! Did I just say that out loud?"  
  
"And you know this why?" Buffy asked, quite amused by the look on Cordelia's face.  
  
"Spike, just wait. You're gonna get it," Angel retorted.  
  
"Well, I bloody hope not from you!"  
  
Angel rolled his eyes.  
  
Buffy waved everyone to be quiet. "Shhh! I just heard something!"  
  
*****  
  
"Wake up already, Little Witch," Darla muttered in annoyance. She slapped Tara's face a couple of times. Tara finally opened her eyes. "Oh! Good! She's awake!"  
  
"Aaaah! She's making my head hurt," Drusilla wailed.  
  
"What?"  
  
"She's laughing."  
  
"No, she's not. She's not even moving. We gotta keep going though. They're not far behind. C'mon, witch!" Darla had to make a note not to panic since it seemed everything in the world was holding them back from actually escaping. And she was just really hungry too.  
  
Tara got up and began to walk onward. Drusilla carried the unconscious Xander along. "Stop it! Stop it now! Her laughter is so loud!"  
  
"Be quiet, Dru! We have to hurry up!"  
  
Drusilla began whimpering quietly. Darla rolled her eyes, pushing Tara forward. She didn't notice the almost visible smile playing on Tara's lips.  
  
*****  
  
"I just heard a scream," Willow whispered somewhat loudly.  
  
"Sounded like, Dru," Spike commented. "She sounded upset."  
  
"The question is, what could be upsetting her like that?" Angel thought for a moment.  
  
Cordelia and Buffy walked ahead, trying to determine the best way to go.  
  
"Well, have your super slayer senses told you which way to go?" Cordelia asked impatiently.  
  
"It's really hard to tell, Cordy. They've gone quiet again," Buffy snapped at the brunette.  
  
"Great. Why can't they do the loud obnoxious thing right now? Aaaah!" Cordelia put her arms out to brace herself against the wall, but the pain was too much for her.  
  
"Cordy! Guys, get over here now!"  
  
Angel ran over and grabbed Cordelia and held her against him.  
  
"Another vision," Spike questioned.  
  
"Looks like it," Buffy sighed.  
  
"Locator spell!"  
  
Everyone turned to face Willow. Angel asked, "Huh?"  
  
"You know. A spell that will lead us to them."  
  
"Why don't we see what Cordelia has to tell us first," Angel replied uneasily.  
  
"Ok. Ow. Pain. Bad. Man, I got these pants all gross! Stupid sewers. Stupid visions."  
  
"Darn things. Cuz Lord knows, you coulda gotten that vision in a much cleaner place since vampires don't even like to run through sewers or anything!" Spike quipped.  
  
"I hate you, Spike. You do realize this, right?"  
  
"The feeling is mutual, Cheerleader."  
  
"Um, ok, back on subject here! I doubt we're running on an endless supply of time right now," an impatient Slayer growled.  
  
"Well, I, uh . . ." Cordelia furrowed her brow. "I saw Tara. She was laughing . . . only she wasn't? Wait. Like, she had a smile on her face, but her eyes seemed to be, well, not smiling . . . like they weren't staring at anything, or she was thinking really hard, or focusing on something. And Drusilla was screaming and holding her head in her hands. And Darla . . . she . . . had something, maybe it was a knife and she was about to stab Tara, but . . ." She shook her head. "Drusilla yelled at her and told her to stop. Ok, that was weird though."  
  
"Tell me about it," Angel said.  
  
"But why would Drusilla not want to kill Tara?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I don't know," Angel said with a pensive look on his face.  
  
"Well, Tara is obviously doing some sort of spell or something."  
  
Once again, all heads turned to Willow.  
  
"Explain," the seer said.  
  
"Well, why else would Drusilla act like that?"  
  
"Willow, Drusilla is crazy."  
  
"Yeah, Buffy, I know. She's crazy, but not stupid."  
  
Spike nodded at Willow in agreement. "Plus, Drusilla usually knows how to gain back her control. She's not one to usually fall for a soddin spell . . . although there was that one time she was in love with the whelp because of a crazy love spell."  
  
"Ok, so what could Tara be doing? What in the world could make Drusilla act like that?" Angel was becoming frustrated at the lack of an answer that was forming in his brain.  
  
"Well," Cordelia began, "ok, how powerful is Tara, first of all?"  
  
"I think she's pretty powerful. She doesn't really use her magic unless she has to," Willow commented.  
  
"What could make Drusilla act crazy . . . crazier than she already is? I mean, she's a soulless vampire, she's a ho, she's totally insane . . ." Buffy rambled on.  
  
"What about a soul?" Cordelia blurted.  
  
Everyone grew quiet for a moment.  
  
"Does Tara know how to curse someone with a soul?"  
  
"I don't really know, Buffy. I don't really know how powerful she is. I mean, maybe there is some way for her to put a temporary soul in there, but I have no idea how to do that. I mean, you'd probably have to use the spell or one similar to the one used on Angel," Willow managed to say in one breath.  
  
"Drusilla . . . she would probably be the same with or without a soul."  
  
Everyone focused their attention on Angel, suddenly.  
  
"Why?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Be - because, she was crazy before I turned her. I saw to it that she was."  
  
"I don't think it was a soul, come to think of it. The laughter . . . it was really bothering her," Cordelia stated quietly.  
  
"Dru only likes maniacal laughter and painful screams . . . well most of the bloody time."  
  
"Well, the laughter sounded like happy children on a playground or something. It wasn't laughing at her. It was laughing . . . like . . . like . . ."  
  
"They weren't aware of her or they just were not scared of her," Spike finished.  
  
"Yeah!" Cordelia replied quickly.  
  
"Yup. One time we walked in on this party. Lots of drugs. Drusilla tried to scare them, but they were all high as a kite. A vampire was just part of the trip to them. Dru got brassed off. Ate the lot of them. She was very happy after that . . . and pretty horny too."  
  
"Ok, Spike. That's the kind of sharing information we don't want you to share," Buffy muttered.  
  
"Well, I was just telling you the story, luv."  
  
"Ok, the laughing upsets her. A brassed off Dru would want to kill them, right? And the laughter was coming from Tara? It would make sense that she would want Darla to at least do something about it. Unless, of course, she just wanted the satisfaction of making the kill herself," Buffy speculated.  
  
"Nope," Cordelia responded.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"That wasn't it."  
  
"How do you know?" Willow asked.  
  
"She was scared," Cordelia sighed.  
  
"OK, 'Drusilla' and 'scared' do not fit into a sentence together. 'Drusilla' and 'scary' maybe, but not 'Drusilla' and 'scared'. See, it still doesn't fit, no matter how I say it."  
  
Cordelia glared at the Slayer. "Well, a look of terror escaped her eyes when Darla almost stabbed Tara. It's like she wasn't looking at Tara. Well, she was looking at her. BUT, she had this look in her eyes."  
  
"Wait a second! Drusilla is powerful. She can make you see things . . . and hear things," Buffy said, tensing up. "Willow, can Tara learn how to do that? Or does she know how to alter what a person sees or hears?"  
  
"I really don't know, Buffy. She might. This is scary. I don't want to think of Tara being like Drusilla at all! It's cruel! Tara is NOT cruel."  
  
"Look at the mess we're in now, Willow. She's capable of powerful stuff. I mean, I know she was tied up when we got there, but we really don't know WHAT is going on with her right now," Buffy cried.  
  
"I know," Willow said, sniffling. "It just hurts to think she could be like that."  
  
"There's a lot you don't know about Tara," Buffy commented. "Ok, let's get back on subject. Drusilla didn't want Tara dead. Why? The laughing is getting to her. She hates it. But, obviously, she is seeing something different. She doesn't know what she wants. So, what is she seeing? Does she have anything that would make her hesitate?"  
  
"Does she have any weaknesses," Cordelia asked.  
  
Everyone turned to Spike.  
  
"What? You think I know the bloody answer? Ok, she likes dolls, a lot. But she wasn't very devastated when they burnt in the factory. Angelus, maybe. But, she wasn't devastated about him either. Of course, she still wouldn't want him dead. He's her sire. Still, he did make her insane. But she loved the Poof. Ugh, this isn't making sense. It's just giving me a bleedin' headache."  
  
"Of course!" Angel cried. "Her biggest weakness! Why didn't I think of this before? Guys, we all know her biggest weakness!"  
  
"We do?" Cordelia asked because she most certainly did not.  
  
"Yeah, we do," Angel nodded.  
  
"What?" Buffy thought for a moment. "Huh?" Her eyes grew wide. "Ooooh! Oh my gosh! It was in front of our noses the whole time!"  
  
"I'm still lost over here," Cordelia interrupted.  
  
"Yeah, me too," Willow said. "You guys are traveling down the brightly lit road of knowledge while me and Cordy are tripping along the long, dark road called Clueless Street."  
  
Buffy shook her head. "Why is she here right now? Think about it."  
  
"No! Bloody hell! No! You're wrong!"  
  
"About what?" Willow exclaimed. "She's here cuz . . . oh goddess! That's why!"  
  
"Great, I'm on Clueless Street by myself now!"  
  
"That's cuz they're wrong!" Spike cried.  
  
"Spike," Buffy said evenly, "if we're wrong, then how come you know?"  
  
"I just bloody know!"  
  
"Spike," Angel said calmly, "you're just going to have to face it."  
  
"No! I can't! Don't want to!"  
  
"Why not, Spike? Why?" Buffy's patience was once again growing thin.  
  
"Oh, come on, Slayer! You should know the answer to this!" He glared. "It's only going to make it harder."  
  
"Still lost here," Cordelia said in exasperation.  
  
"Look, I know you think that because I'm a vampire I am a monster and therefore incapable of feelings such as love. Do you realize what's going on?"  
  
"Oooh, oooh, NO!" Cordelia screamed.  
  
"I can't! I don't want to be Dru's weakness."  
  
Cordelia gasped. "Oh!"  
  
"Yeah, OH! We were together for one hundred years! Then we break up, she cheated on me first with Angelus, then with a bloody chaos demon! She's not supposed to love me anymore! But she still does. Now, how many of you find it easy to kill the person you know loves you? Anyone? Anyone? Slayer?" He waited for a response. "Didn't think so!"  
  
Buffy looked down. "Yeah! I know it's hard." She sighed. "We better get going. We've wasted too much time." 


	16. What Is It With The Hair?

**Note: If everyone reviews, we might update tomorrow. The key word being might. Hehehe. To Chantal: Hope you liked the disclaimer. We liked having you visit. And once again, thanks for all the wonderful reviews. You've given us swollen heads and big egos. Well, not really. We're still trying to figure out what we did right with this story and hope we can do it again.**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
SLAM!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chantal: There's that noise again!  
  
Kelley: Oh that. Heh heh heh.  
  
Shelley: Annie: The Book Slayer.  
  
Chantal: Huh?  
  
Kelley: In each generation, or at least each dorm room, there is a Chosen One. One who actually studies and throws her books around while doing so. She will be the one to actually graduate on time, regardless of the fact she has three majors. She is the one who will make us bow our heads in shame because we don't do anything except write fanfiction.  
  
Shelley: She keeps the books in line. Even my books won't go in her room.  
  
Chantal: That's kinda scary. Why don't you write a movie about it?  
  
Kelley: I don't remember the last time I picked up a book to study from it.  
  
Shelley: But you did try to slay some with a plastic axe this afternoon.  
  
Allison's hysterical laughter could be heard in the background.  
  
Allison: Death to Native American Literature! Die! Die! Die!  
  
Kelley: Yeah, I just found out I have to read four books by Thursday for the final. Like, she's actually going to ask detailed questions from the books on there. Isn't that crazy?!?!?!  
  
Chantal: Uh, yeah, some professors actually do teach from the books.  
  
Shelley: But if they don't, they make great serving dishes. (she hands out some s'mores on top of her psychology book)  
  
Chantal: Oooh! Ooooh! Listen to this! Joss, Mutant Enemy, UPN, the WB, and everyone else but you two own these characters.  
  
Shelley: We only say that cuz we fear the wrath of Joss.  
  
Kelley: Dammit! Couldn't you warn us next time you do that? I wanted to say the disclaimer!  
  
Shelley: You always get to say it, Kelley! Civilizations have risen and fallen since I've gotten to say it!  
  
Kelley: Next chapter, Shelley. I promise.  
  
Chantal: (looks at Kelley) You liar.  
  
Kelley: Eat your s'mores and be quiet.  
  
*****  
  
"No! Stop!" Drusilla cried.  
  
"Ugh. Why? She's gonna be a major problem for us if we don't kill her now." Darla raised the knife again.  
  
"Don't hurt my Spike!"  
  
Darla lowered her knife again. She looked at Drusilla, then at Tara. She poked Tara's shoulder hard, but the witch did not respond. With a huff, she shoved Tara forward. "This is ridiculous. Cut it out, Little Witch!"  
  
She stepped next to Tara and looked at her face. Tara was smiling and mumbling incoherently.  
  
"Great, we capture someone who knows how to play Drusilla's twisted mind games." She grabbed the witch by the neck and Tara frowned.  
  
"Oh no, not my Spike! Don't touch him! Miss Edith is not happy now!"  
  
"Drusilla, snap out of it!" Darla grabbed Tara's arm and dragged her towards Drusilla. She then lifted Tara bodily, putting her right to Drusilla's face. "This is NOT Spike!"  
  
Drusilla smiled and giggled. "My, my, what a clever little witch. She hums with power."  
  
"That's nice. Can I kill her now?"  
  
"I see such interesting things in her head."  
  
Darla rolled her eyes. "Fine. Honestly, I never get to kill anything anymore." She spotted Xander in the corner. "Well, we only need one hostage. I guess that makes the boy dinner."  
  
"Whispers, whispers. Little peeps inside his head. Calling from all over. I like to listen. Miss Edith says he is funny."  
  
"Why me?" Darla growled. "Is everyone crazy?"  
  
"My Spike likes him too. They drink and they sing and the Green Monster tells their fortunes."  
  
"Enough with Spike already! They'll be here soon. We can kill everyone and bring Spike back to L.A. with us. We'll be a family. Now does that sound nice, Dru?"  
  
"You're lying to me."  
  
Darla raised her eyes to meet Drusilla's and was frightened by what she saw there, seriousness and a frightening lucidity. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"You never wanted Spike in the family. You want to kill him, spread his ashes in the wind."  
  
"All right, Dru, enough. Yes, I want to kill him. I've wanted to kill him for years. He never knew his place. No matter what he did, who he killed, he reeked of humanity. He immersed himself in it. The music, the food, the fads. Half the time, I could barely distinguish him from the cattle we fed off of. He has all these . . . feelings. He took care of you better than he took care of himself. Now he works with the Slayer. The SLAYER, Drusilla! He doesn't even have a soul for an excuse. His demon chooses to fight the good fight. He protects the Slayer's sister! You've seen all this, you know what an abomination he is. He loves the little bitch. You told me he cried like a baby when she did a swan dive off that tower." She rolled her eyes. "I don't know. Maybe it's the men in our family."  
  
"Glad you think so highly of me, pet."  
  
Both vampiresses spun around, startled.  
  
"It's nice to know I haven't lost my touch."  
  
"The only reason we didn't notice you is because you're not important," Darla spat out.  
  
"Come on. Did you really need all those vampires to attack us in the sewers? Are you really feeling that inadequate?"  
  
"You're the one standing all the way over there. Why don't you come and face me like a man?" Darla growled.  
  
A hand grabbed Darla's neck from behind. "Actually, he's much better at distracting." Angel slammed Darla into a wall.  
  
While Angel and Darla started pounding on each other, Spike made his way to Tara.  
  
"Are you evil?" he asked the witch.  
  
"No more evil than you are," she retorted.  
  
Spike glared at her for a moment, but stopped and smirked at the backbone she seemed to have developed.  
  
"I'm not going to hurt anyone. Are Giles and Anya ok?"  
  
Spike smiled, satisfied that Tara was still her old self. "They didn't follow us; they're still up there."  
  
Tara's eyes grew wide as she realized they had been left up there, paralyzed. "Oh crap! I need to get to them!"  
  
"Good luck getting past the barricade of vampires fighting with Charlie's Angels out there."  
  
Tara looked back at Spike, puzzled.  
  
Spike rolled his eyes. "Red, the Slayer, and the Cheerleader."  
  
Tara smiled, getting the joke, and ran off to help.  
  
"You're being a naughty boy, Spike. You're letting all my party favors get away."  
  
"You still have the whelp over there."  
  
"Grandmum hates him more than she hates the Little Witch."  
  
Spike grinned. "Wonder what he did to brass her off."  
  
"He shot nasty water at us and messed up grandmum's hair."  
  
Spike narrowed his eyes. "What is it with that part of our family and hair?"  
  
Drusilla giggled. "It was rather funny."  
  
"I bet it was, pet."  
  
Meanwhile, Angel and Darla continued to butt heads (figuratively and literally). They both stopped fighting and looked at Drusilla and Spike, who were still talking and oblivious to the fight going on.  
  
"Why can't I ever have normal childer?" Angel muttered to himself.  
  
Suddenly, Tara ran back into the room, the three women trailing behind her. Just when things couldn't get any more complicated, fifteen more vampires decided to make the room even more crowded. Darla and Drusilla had definitely made sure they would be prepared for this kind of fight.  
  
Amidst the chaos, Darla took the chance to cut and run. First, she wanted to get rid of that moron who sprayed her with holy water. Just as she was about to reach him, she was tackled from behind.  
  
"Dammit, Angel! I know you don't like this kid!"  
  
Her attacker turned her over and punched her in the face. She stared into her attacker's angry eyes. "Drusilla, what are you doing?"  
  
"Miss Edith says no." Drusilla punched Darla again.  
  
"Miss Edith isn't here you crazy bitch!"  
  
In the meantime, the horde of vampires slowly decreased in numbers as the four ladies used every possible scrap of cunning magic and brute force they could muster.  
  
"I need another stake over here, Buffy! I know you've got one," Cordelia called out.  
  
"Comin' at ya, Cordy! Hold on!"  
  
Buffy got a stake out and started to toss it over, but it was kicked out of her hand suddenly.  
  
"Hey! Do you mind? Someone needed to use that!" She began punching the vampire like crazy, looking around for the fallen stake.  
  
Cordelia was still trying to fight off the one vampire with her bare hands. She was doing better than she expected, but she still wasn't doing that well. The vampire shoved her up against the wall.  
  
"Buffy, a little help would be nice!"  
  
Suddenly, the vampire pinning her to the wall started screaming in agony. After it finally turned to a pile of dust, she noticed Willow standing across from her, playing with a small ball of fire in her hands.  
  
"Or that will work. That's it, I'm learning to do magick."  
  
Willow and Tara quickly grabbed hands and began speaking telepathically as fast as they could.  
  
"Aaaah!" Buffy almost dropped her stake upon hearing the two witches in her head while she attempted to fight off the vampire. A small smile played on her lips. Liking the plan that Tara and Willow came up with, she nodded. The two witches then relayed the plan to Cordelia, who also nodded in approval. Their new strategy in mind, they herded the vampires away from the room.  
  
As the vampires started disappearing, Darla spotted Angel and attacked him.  
  
*****  
  
Spike leaned up against the wall, near Xander, and lit a cigarette while watching Drusilla. She was staying close to the boy as well, but making no move to attack him or Xander. Spike sighed.  
  
Everyone got to fight and what is he? The glorified babysitter, that's what. Oh well, at least he didn't have to fight Drusilla. Even after everything that happenend, he wasn't sure he could bring himself to do that.  
  
Spike's attention was momentarily diverted when he saw Darla fly across the room, thanks to Angel. He thought, 'Well, at least I get front row seats to what, a hundred years ago, would have been a domestic dispute.' He watched Darla get up slowly, decided he was bored, and went back to watching Drusilla.  
  
Drusilla had inched closer to Xander, but he just shrugged it off. If she had wanted to bite him, she would have done it already.  
  
Across the room, Angel was distracted by a boom and a chorus of painful screams. Before he could figure out what happened, he was once again distracted, only this time by a large piece of wood protruding from his chest.  
  
"Payback's a bitch, ain't it you bastard?" Darla said triumphantly.  
  
Cordelia, who had just reentered the room, screamed. "Nooooooooooooooooo!!!"  
  
  
  
TBC . . . . . . . .  
  
**Yeah, we know, we're evil. Bwahahahahahaha!!!!* 


	17. Underneath Spike's Duster

1 **Note: Ok, we realize that some people are on the warpath, about to kill us if we don't finish the freakin story. So, we are finishing it today . . . a whole three days early. Plus, we still have finals to study for, and this isn't helping. Also, at the end of our story, we are going to have a behind the scenes kinda thing going on (notes and our attempted goal and what actually came out of it). We thought people who actually suffered through the whole story might actually enjoy that. If you have any questions at all, email us at beanyb1999@hotmail.com. This doesn't mean' we will answer them (can't give away too many hints), but we can address them in some way or another. You'll understand what we are talking about at the end of the story.**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Setting: Pillow fort . . .  
  
Time: Whenever . . .  
  
Kelley: Well, Shelley, here is your chance to shine.  
  
Shelley: What do you mean?  
  
Kelley sighs and rolls her eyes.  
  
Chantal: She means, you can do your disclaimer now.  
  
Bridgett: C'mon, Shelley! You can do it!!!  
  
Shelley: Where did you come from? Not that I'm not glad to see you, but you kinda disappeared in like, a poof. Now you're back.  
  
Bridgett: I forgot my "I-Got-Gunn" Certificate.  
  
Kelley: They give out certificates for those? Why didn't we get one?  
  
Chantal: Hmm . . . must be the aliens.  
  
Shelley: Shhhh . . . they might hear you.  
  
Kelley: Oh, not you too!  
  
Bridgett: Can I meet this Annie: The Book Slayer?  
  
Shelley: Sorry, she just left. She's gone to slay more books in the library.  
  
Bridgett: Oh. Dammit!  
  
Shelley: I got it! Ok, here we go! Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox, UPN, WB, and some other people I probably can't think of own all the characters in this story . . . except for the gorgeous ladies in the disclaimers. One day Xander will be mine and Spike will be yours, Kelley. But until then, we only mess with their imaginary lives.  
  
Chantal: Oh brava!! You did wonderfully, Shelley!  
  
Bridgett and Kelley: Oh, shut up! It wasn't that good!  
  
Shelley: You're just jealous. Nyah nyah nyah.  
  
2  
  
3 Part XXXVII  
  
Darla looked up when she heard Cordelia scream, and realized very pissed off reinforcements would soon follow. She looked down at Angel, who had fallen to his knees. He was surprised by his non-dusty appearance.  
  
"Unlike some people, I don't kill family," she retorted.  
  
Spike, quite angrily, grabbed Darla by the neck and flung her across the room. "I appreciate a good spot of vengeance now and then, and as much as I dislike the Poof, I won't let you walk out of here."  
  
"You don't have a choice," Darla hissed. "The Witch is on her last legs, the moron over there needs serious medical attention, and my darling boy has a gaping hole in his chest. I missed the heart, but I got some arteries. Do you really think you have the time to chase me through the sewers and save your friends at the same time?" She grinned evilly when Spike faltered for a moment. Laughing, she said, "Didn't think so, Spike. You've always had too much humanity in you."  
  
Darla quickly ran off. Spike looked as though he was going to chase her and Buffy quickly put a hand on his arm to stop him.  
  
"She's right."  
  
Spike gave Buffy an odd look.  
  
"We do need to help them out of here."  
  
Spike and Buffy made their way back to the others. Willow was tending to a weak Tara. Cordelia was at Angel's side.  
  
"Dammit, Angel, you better not die on me. I'm supposed to get paid next week."  
  
"Actually, Wesley's the boss now," Angel said in a near whisper.  
  
"Well, you're the one with the money!"  
  
Cordelia's harsh tone was countered by the fact that she was stroking Angel's cheek while she was speaking to him.  
  
"How much hair gel do you use, Angelus?" Spike asked offhandedly.  
  
Angel, looking annoyed, responded, "Spike, I have a stake protruding from my chest."  
  
"And yet, your hair remains unscathed," Spike quipped.  
  
Buffy inspected the damage. "Angel, this is really close to your heart. It could splinter when I try to pull it out or . . ."  
  
"Oh, bloody hell! Angelus, I'm gonna pull it out on the count of three. One."  
  
Angel screamed in pain as Spike yanked the stake out.  
  
"Somehow, I knew you were going to do that, Spike." He shared a knowing look with Buffy.  
  
Spike tossed the stake aside.  
  
Angel looked across the room at Xander. "Uh, guys?"  
  
Everyone turned their heads, suddenly noticing Drusilla was still in their presence. They were shocked to see her holding Xander's head in her lap, ruffling his hair and humming softly.  
  
Buffy ran and picked up the recently discarded stake. Spike grabbed her.  
  
"What the hell are you doing, pet?"  
  
She pointed. "Vampire." She lifted her stake. "Stake. What do you think?"  
  
"She's not going to hurt him," Spike said scoldingly.  
  
"She's got his head in her lap!"  
  
Spike looked over and shrugged. "It's still attached to his body."  
  
"She's humming!"  
  
"That's a Dru trademark."  
  
"She's ruffling his hair!"  
  
"Generally a sign of affection, not blood lust."  
  
"But we can't just let her go!" Buffy squealed, knowing she was not going to win this one.  
  
Spike sighed. "I know how dangerous she is."  
  
Buffy thought for a moment. She realized how much he loved Drusilla and how much it would hurt him if she died. She knew how much it hurt to kill someone you love.  
  
She looked over at Angel, who had just received a kiss to the forehead from Cordelia. She also knew how much it hurt to let someone go.  
  
"Maybe we can figure something out, Spike. For now, we just need to get out of here."  
  
Spike looked at Buffy gratefully. He knew he loved this woman for a reason, even if she didn't reciprocate his feelings.  
  
Spike and Buffy walked towards Drusilla. Drusilla's head turned, her eyes glowing yellow. Buffy immediately raised her stake, but Spike grabbed her arm.  
  
"Wait, Slayer. She's not going to bite him."  
  
"What are you talking about? She's all grrrrr."  
  
"She's trying to protect him."  
  
"From what?"  
  
"Us."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Spike ignored Buffy's last question. "Dru, we need to take Xander to the hospital."  
  
Drusilla slipped back into her human face. "The boy's not well. The voice in his head is screaming in pain. I don't like it."  
  
"If you let us get him out of here, pet, we'll make the screaming stop. We promise."  
  
He reached out to get Xander.  
  
"I'll carry him. You help carry Daddy."  
  
Spike nodded and Buffy glared, still not trusting her.  
  
"I'll keep an eye on Drusilla."  
  
Spike walked over to Angel and Cordelia and grabbed one of Angel's arms.  
  
"Enough laying about you lazy Poof. Let's go!"  
  
"Oh, and did I thank you for your help against Darla earlier?" Angel muttered.  
  
Spike, taking off his shirt, replied, "Nope, don't think so."  
  
"Good. Don't expect me to," Angel spat out.  
  
Spike glared at Angel for a moment, then shoved his shirt against Angel's gaping chest wound.  
  
Spike smirked when he noticed Cordelia staring at his chest. He cleared his throat.  
  
"See anything you like, pet?"  
  
Cordelia blushed and then looked away.  
  
Angel narrowed his eyes at Cordelia. "Hey! Were you ogling him, Cordy?!"  
  
"Just trying to figure out where I want to put the stake."  
  
Spike put his duster back on. Cordelia found herself watching his every shirtless move, shook her head, and looked away again.  
  
"Are we getting out of here or what?" she asked impatiently.  
  
Spike continued to smirk at the May Queen. He grabbed Angel's hand and put it over the compress.  
  
"Hold it there, Peaches, so the bleeding will stop. I don't fancy carrying you out of here like a girl."  
  
They started to walk out, Cordelia in the lead, Drusilla behind Angel and Spike. The Slayer and the two witches were closely behind Drusilla.  
  
"You're actually leaving Xander to the mercy of Drusilla?" Angel asked incredulously.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But I thought you liked him."  
  
"I don't really have much of a choice, Poofter. The only other person strong enough to carry him right now is Buffy, and she's helping Red with Tara. And I didn't think you'd wanna be carried by Buffy."  
  
Angel looked at Spike disbelievingly.  
  
"Plus, I would have to knock Dru out to get her away from Xander."  
  
Angel didn't even bother to ask Spike why he didn't stake her. He knew the answer. He couldn't bring himself to do it either. One more thing for him to just feel guilty about, since he was responsible for her insanity.  
  
Tara looked at Willow. "I need to take the spell off Anya and Giles."  
  
"How do you know Darla didn't get 'em?" Willow asked.  
  
Tara grinned. "I put a protection spell on them when I paralyzed them. No physical pain for them from those two crazy vampiresses."  
  
They continued in silence, listening in amusement to Angel and Spike's bickering. 


	18. You Haven't Seen That Movie?

1 **Note: Guess what? This is the last chapter, except for the epilogue, that is. We hope everyone enjoyed the ride. We've appreciated all the feedback, and we've really enjoyed writing it. So, without further ado . . . the final chapter. Hope you like it. Please don't kill us.**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Place: Pillow fort . . . like always.  
  
Time: Don't know . . .don't care. It's not like we ever pay attention to that little thing called time.  
  
Shelley: We've enjoyed having you here, but it's time for you to move on.  
  
Kelley: Yeah, so let's clean up all the pillows. This is getting ridiculous. I can't even walk around my room anymore!  
  
Shelley: So, we have some gifts for you guys before you go.  
  
Bridgett: Yay! Presents!  
  
Chantal: Oh. Fun!  
  
Kelley: Ok, Bridgett. Here is my fat Criminal Justice book. We think you have the makings of a great book slayer. Practice and use your powers for good, not evil.  
  
Bridgett: (takes the book and narrows her eyes at it) Uh, thanks.  
  
Shelley: Show it who's boss!  
  
Bridgett slams the book on the floor. Everyone cheers.  
  
Shelley: Ok, Chantal. Here you go, a pith helmet and a machete. The aliens will never know what hit them.  
  
Chantal: I have to fight the aliens?  
  
Shelley: Yes, it is your destiny.  
  
Chantal observes Shelley's gifts quizzically. Shelley pats her on the head.  
  
Bridgett: Ok, guys! I have one! "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel" are the sole property of Joss Whedon, UPN, WB, Fox, Mutant Enemy, and a cornucopia of stock holders. Use them illegally and you will be hunted down and shot . . . or at least sued.  
  
Kelley: Please don't sue us.  
  
Shelley: We own nothing!  
  
2  
  
3 Part XXXVIII  
  
A FEW DAYS LATER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
Dawn gaped at Spike. "Now, let me get this straight. You guys got Giles and Anya out of there, along with everyone else . . . including Drusilla, one of the baddies, but you let Darla go?"  
  
"We didn't LET Darla go," Spike reiterated. "She ran off."  
  
"Whatever," Dawn replied wistfully. "She still got away. Aren't you worried she'll come back?"  
  
"Not right away. We killed all her minions." Spike winked at Dawn.  
  
"I'll have to say, that ball of sunshine spell is pretty cool. At least Willow and Tara got it to work."  
  
"Yeah, as long as I'm not in their bloody way when they perform the spell."  
  
"And you're not worried about Drusilla being chained up in Giles' spare room?"  
  
"At least she isn't stuck in the bleedin' bath tub. Why didn't I get the room?"  
  
Dawn grinned. "Buffy's guilty pleasure. Oh, wait. Did I say that out loud? She's gonna kill me."  
  
Spike just laughed at Dawn's comment.  
  
Giles walked in and handed Spike a mug. "Go feed your sire."  
  
Dawn perked up. "Ooh. Can I come, Spike?"  
  
"Yeah. Just let me go in first. Don't want her to make a snack out of you. You're too young."  
  
"Fair enough. I don't feel like being eaten. But the Host did have those three strange women in togas do that anti-violence spell on the room."  
  
"I remember." Spike snorted and gagged mockingly.  
  
Giles watched the two walk up towards Drusilla's room. Anya came in and sat down next to him.  
  
Giles turned to Anya. "Have you talked to Xander yet?"  
  
Anya sighed and rested her chin on her hand. "Well, actually, I did most of the talking. He just kind of ignored me."  
  
"Well, it will take awhile I imagine. Plus, he has been through a lot."  
  
Anya smiled. "The good thing is that he doesn't seem too furious . . . just seething and heartbroken."  
  
"Small blessings, I guess. I think we're gonna take time too, Anya."  
  
Anya nodded reluctantly. "I think I can accept that, as long as you promise me great sex later."  
  
Giles couldn't help but laugh.  
  
*****  
  
Spike cautiously opened the door and looked inside the room before going in. Seeing that Drusilla was still chained to the bed, he entered the room.  
  
"Evening, Dru. Hungry?"  
  
"Did you bring a visitor, Spike?"  
  
Spike smiled and nodded. "Come in, Nibblet."  
  
Dawn nervously walked into the room.  
  
"She's surrounded by such pretty green light," Drusilla cooed.  
  
"Yeah, I know. Neat, huh?" Dawn laughed tensely.  
  
"It gives you power."  
  
"Wow! Really? Cool!"  
  
Spike gave Drusilla her mug of blood.  
  
"Never thought things would come down to this, eh Dru?"  
  
"They won't let me see the White Knight."  
  
"White Knight, Drusilla?"  
  
"Daddy called him that. I think it suits him."  
  
Dawn smiled. "I think you're right."  
  
"I like her," Drusilla said with a giggle. "She isn't mean like her sister. Can I keep her?"  
  
"Sorry, Dru. She's got school."  
  
"Ok. Can she still visit more?"  
  
"As long as you don't tell the Slayer."  
  
Drusilla mimicked zipping her lips, then smiled.  
  
"I promise I won't hurt her. The light might go out."  
  
Dawn looked at Drusilla thoughtfully. Sitting there, she didn't look dangerous at all, but Dawn knew better. She did look lonely though.  
  
"Oh, Xander's doing better. He woke up not long after he got to the hospital," Dawn reassured Drusilla.  
  
"I know. His voice was filling my head."  
  
Spike smiled, taking the now empty mug away from Drusilla.  
  
"The whelp's so loud, it's no wonder you could hear him across town."  
  
"His voice is so beautiful," Drusilla cooed again.  
  
"Well, Dru, we better get going now. Some of us need to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Will you bring the green light back with you tomorrow?" Drusilla asked with hope in her voice.  
  
Spike nodded. "As you wish."  
  
Dawn and Spike left the room and closed the door.  
  
"Oh my gosh! Drusilla has a crush on Xander," Dawn whispered to Spike loudly.  
  
"Yeah, but look what happened last time she had a crush."  
  
Dawn gave Spike a puzzled look.  
  
He grinned. "Me."  
  
Dawn's eyes widened. "Oh."  
  
Spike and Dawn walked back to the kitchen, said goodbye to Anya and Giles, and headed back to the Summer's residence. They walked in the house, and Spike walked Dawn up to her room. As he walked past Joyce's room, he yelled, "G'night, Witches!"  
  
They yelled back, "Good night, Spike! Lock the door on your way out! Leave the key under the mat for Buffy!"  
  
Dawn began to giggle. "And you make fun of Angel for being house broken."  
  
"Shut up, Nibblet. I'm not house broken."  
  
Dawn gave him a look. **We all know the look.** Spike was undaunted.  
  
"Well, you know . . . she could come back . . . one night . . . and find the key . . . gone. I'll hang it from one of the branches on the tree outside . . . where she can't bloody reach it. Then I'll laugh . . . while she jumps. Yup, that ought to teach you to trust me to lock the door. Ha ha!"  
  
Dawn smirked. "Yeah. You're the big bad. I'm scared."  
  
Spike glared, just not whole-heartedly. He ruffled Dawn's hair and kissed her on the forehead.  
  
"Night, Lil Bit."  
  
"Night, Spike." She smiled evilly. "I'll most likely kill you in the morning." She closed her door.  
  
"Why the bloody hell does everyone keep saying that to me?"  
  
Dawn opened her bedroom door, smiling because he'd seem to have been hearing that a lot lately.  
  
"You haven't seen that movie?"  
  
"What movie?"  
  
"You are so uncultured, Spike. Xander has a copy. Next free night, we're watching it."  
  
"Am I going to like this movie?"  
  
"Everyone likes it!" Dawn exclaimed matter-of-factly.  
  
"If you say so."  
  
Shaking his head, he walked down the stairs.  
  
*****  
  
Tara fidgeted. "So . . . Angel, Cordy, and Lorne went back to L.A. today?"  
  
"Yeah, they did," Willow said quietly.  
  
"Oh. Lorne seemed pretty nice."  
  
"He seemed to like you," Willow commented with a smile.  
  
"I'm surprised anyone likes me right now."  
  
"It wasn't your fault, Tara."  
  
"Yeah, someone took advantage of me again. Do I have 'Use Me' tattooed on my forehead?"  
  
Willow grinned. "Not anymore than Xander has 'Possess Me' tattooed on his."  
  
Tara frowned.  
  
"What is it, Tara?"  
  
"You know the s-spell?"  
  
"Which one?" Willow asked, confused.  
  
"The one that l-let you know how to f-find us."  
  
"Oh yeah. The one that gave Xander the freaky visions."  
  
"It went wrong."  
  
Willow sat up straight. "Yeah, you said me or Cordy was supposed to get it. That's no biggie."  
  
"No, it wasn't supposed to do that. It was s-supposed to make you want to try to find me. I only thought Cordy would get it cuz she was more psychically attuned. It went wrong."  
  
"Why did Xander get it, Tara?"  
  
"That's the problem. I don't know. Makes me not want to go b-back to L.A. tomorrow. That, and other things."  
  
"I don't want you to leave either, but I know you have to. I'll keep an eye on Xander for ya," Willow said with a sincere smile on her face.  
  
"Not too much eyeing now."  
  
"Don't worry. I burned that bridge a long time ago."  
  
Willow got up and gave Tara a hug.  
  
**Onwards, to the Epilogue! -----------------------------(** 


	19. Grrrr . . . Argh . . .

**Note: Here it is. Now our story is complete. Thank you for reading and responding. Stay tuned at the end for further announcements.**  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Shelley: (sniffling) Well, this is it.  
  
Kelley: Our baby's all grown up.  
  
Shelley: Uh, not quite.  
  
Kelley: I'm gonna miss it!!  
  
Shelley: There there.  
  
Kelley: Ok, might as well get this over with. (sniffle)  
  
Shelley: I s'pose so.  
  
Kelley: We don't own it.  
  
Shelley: Joss does.  
  
Kelley: Don't sue us.  
  
Shelley: Man, I'm depressed.  
  
Kelley: Me too.  
  
They both stop when they hear a knock on the door.  
  
Shelley: Come in!!!!  
  
Kelley: Don't do that! What are you thinking?  
  
Shelley: It's the pizza!!!  
  
Kelley: What if the pizza man . . . is a vampire?  
  
Shelley: Vampires in Kentucky? Please!  
  
Kelley: Yeah, I guess you're right.  
  
*****EPILOGUE!!!!!!*****  
  
A WEEK LATER  
  
While wondering through the cemetery, Spike spotted Buffy fighting off some vamps. `This won't take long,' he thought and settled to watch her fight. He liked to watch her fight, but she never wore those short skirts anymore that always gave him a good show. Oh well. Beggars can't be choosers.  
  
After she dusted the last vampire, he walked towards her quietly, hoping to give her a good scare. A few inches behind her, Spike scowled.  
  
"Thanks for all your help, Spike," Buffy said without turning around.  
  
"Any time, pet."  
  
"Do me a favor."  
  
"What's that, luv?"  
  
"Next time you and Xander decide to drink, either give us warning or take me with you."  
  
Spike smiled. "As you wish."  
  
Buffy turned around. "I still can't believe you haven't seen that movie."  
  
"Lemme guess. That line is from the movie too?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Well, that's just peachy."  
  
"Isn't it a nice night?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I s'pose so," Spike muttered.  
  
She held out her hand. "Walk with me for a little while?"  
  
Spike looked at her outstretched hand, and then at her face, stunned. He looked behind him to make sure no one else was there. Then he looked down at her hand and then behind again, just to be sure. "I'd be happy to."  
  
He slowly grabbed her hand, just in case she decided to yank it away at the last moment. He still had somewhat of a bad ass reputation he wanted to uphold. When she didn't let go, he smiled happily and started walking, their intertwined hands swinging between them. Bad ass reputation be damned! This was nice for a change. They continued on through the cemetery, still silent and watchful for bad guys or annoying friends with video cameras.  
  
"So, do you walk hand in hand with mortal enemies often, luv?"  
  
"I've found you to be the exception in many things, Spike. Oh, and I just wanted to thank you for all your help during everything . . . like taking care of Dawn and my friends. After I came back and heard about everything you'd done, it made me realize something. Just because you have the chip doesn't mean you're forced to help the good guys. Something in you made you choose that."  
  
"Yeah, I'm getting in touch with my inner Poofter."  
  
Buffy smiled at his never-ending sarcasm, but suddenly looked at him seriously. "You know how I became observant Buffy in L.A.?"  
  
Spike nodded. "Yeah."  
  
"So, I just sat back and watched everything that happened, taking it all in. And I came up with some interesting observations. But there is one that got me most of all."  
  
"What would that be, Slayer?" He was curious despite himself.  
  
Buffy eyed Spike nervously. "When Xander had those nightmares and you hit him, your chip didn't zap you, did it?"  
  
Spike stopped walking.  
  
He looked at Buffy and gaped.  
  
He blinked rapidly a few times.  
  
"Bloody hell!"  
  
THE END  
  
NOTE: There is a sequel now! Before you read "Camelot is a Silly Place" read "Cordelia the Wise" which is a brief interlude that might explain a few things. But it is up finally. Thanks to everyone who waited patiently...or not so patiently...whatever. We still love you! 


	20. Index...Kinda

_We're so glad you read our story!  You finished the whole thing…or else you skipped to the end.  Anyway, here is some food for thought…or not._

If you enjoyed this, there are two _(yes, two) _other stories after this.  First, Cordelia the Wise, a short little interlude consisting of three conversations…and the kind of advice that only Cordelia can give.  

Cameo appearances made by Spike and Dawn.  Conversations featuring Xander, Buffy, and Angel.

Secondly, our sequel is now posted…NOT ALL OF IT, but it's coming along.  It's called Camelot is a Silly Place and it's even crazier than this story.  It's another crossover with "Angel" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

Certain things to expect from the sequel:

1) Buffy/Spike shippiness

2) Xander/Spike friendship

3) Dawn's dirty, twisted little mind

4) More making fun of Angel (but we really love the guy and watch his show all the time…IT'S FREAKIN' AWESOME!)

5) Xander/Drusilla…something (it's kinda complicated)

6) Angel/Bob hatred (who's Bob, you ask?  Read the story!)

7) Surprise guest stars!  Plus, a few original characters!

8) A new bad guy!  But not a made up one!

9) Slayage of the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign

10)  Buffy/Xander/Spike fun (not that kinda fun you freak!  Good, clean fun…kinda).

11)  The chip!  The chip!  What about the chip?!?!?!  Don't worry.  You'll find out!

Also, we have a stand alone ficlet called "Think About It."  It is a response to "Dead Things" and boy did we have something to say about that!!!!  Definitely a different tone than our other stories, but we like it.

Also also…Kelley has her very own story on fanfiction.net.  Wow!  It's called "Sweet William"!  Did you know that's a flower?  Well, that's beside the point.  Anyway, if you're tired of waiting for us to update, go read it!  It's not as funny, but a more clear cut Buffy/Spike shippy story.  We didn't have the Xander obsession (AKA-Shelley), to cloud the issue.  Her singular author name…whatever…is Kelley: The Self-Toastable Pop-Tart.  Shelley will do her own story one day!  She does have X-Men fanfic though!  Her singular author name…whatever…is Drake Roberts.  

Ok, to not get big heads from self-promoting, here are some great stories to read that ARE NOT written by us.

The Journey by Mary Anne Gruen

Whiskers of Fury by AussieBullDog

Well, there are tons more stories!  Just look under our list of favorite stories.  It's all there!  

We're shutting up now.  Toodles!


End file.
